Friday, August 19, 2005

OK, Now I'm Done

I've just about had it with ESPN and the mainstream sports media. Yeah, I know I say that every day, and life surely is an open rooooad to meeee, but this time I really mean it.

If I were the program director of a major sports station, here's what I'd be looking at for the top of the last night's show (mind's summer): The Phillies and the Nationals, two of the top three teams in the NL Wild Card race, split a close doubleheader that vaulted the Phils into first by a half-game; the Rocket got blown up for the first time this year down in Houston, dropping the Astros a half-game out; Beckett outdueled Peavy in a 2-0 game to move the Marlins one game back of the wild card leaders, meaning there are now four teams one game apart for the wild card title; and in the junior circuit, the first-place Angels handed the Red Sawx their asses last night.

Plus, Tiger and Vijay are tied for the first-round lead at the always fun NEC Invitational, the Chargers told breakout tight end Antonio Gates to come to camp or be suspended for three games and Tom Brady threw his first passes of the preseason.

But what did SportsCenter lead with and report on for the first 10 minutes of the show? That's right, Randy Moss smoked pot sometime in his seven-year career! Breaking news! A football player toked the ol' reefer in the last seven fucking years, stop the presses. Hey, you know who else smoked pot some time since 1998? Almost Everyone!

Tomorrow night I hear the network is working on a great scoop: Terrell Owens jay-walked during the 2002 offseason. And did you hear about Daunte Culpepper? I think Steve Berthiaume is putting together this awesome story about how he double-parked outside the Vikings complex in the summer of '01. Peyton Manning ran a red light last week, but he's white, so I bet we won't ever hear about that.

Heaven forbid a perfect specimen who has only missed three games in his NFL career, who has racked up at least 1,300 yards in every season but last year when he was hurt, who has totaled more than 10 touchdowns in all but one of his seven seasons smokes a little pot "every blue moon or every once in a while." But all the players that go home and have a scotch or a 40-ounce every single night of the year, they're cool. Unbelievable. This town needs an enema.

I can understand leading with this story if he ran over a security officer or sprayed a ref with a water bottle, but the guy admits to a little doje usage and it's ground-breaking investigative journalism by Gumbel 2 Gumbel star Bryant Gumbel? I love how ESPN is billing this as a "Shocking Confession From Star Wide Receiver."

Is this really all that shocking? Doesn't it look like this guy smokes blunts for breakfast, lunch and dinner? It's shocking if he rips a bong hit and blows it in Gumble's face, it's shocking if he picks a joint out of his 'fro mid-sentence and asks, "You mind if I do a J?"

But as it were: standard, not shocking. Get over it. Freaking out about pot is so 1950s.

Slack Song of the Day: It's been awhile since I posted any Duo songs, but since tickets for their 9/8 NYC show at the Bowery Ballroom went on sale yesterday, I figured I'd put up a couple songs. So here are my to favorite tunes, Best Reason to Buy the Sun, and the song that got me into these guys, Becky.

Tickets for the 9/8 show at the Bowery with opener Drums and Tuba can be purchased here. I've got mine, so join me for some rockin' tunes and solid head-bobbing.

Slack Links of the Day: Jeez, read these three stories and tell me the worst problems we have in this country are Moss- and pot-related. The first story, and the follow-up. Then, the story of two dudes beating up homeless people for sport.

And a reminder: **Please note that in order to cut down on the "I have a blog called Naked Glossy Photos of the Fabulous Moolah -- please click here for all Naked Glossy Photos of Fabulous Moolah related stuff" spam e-mails, I have added a word verification hurdle. So before you post a comment, you're gonna have to keep it together for an extra 10 seconds, type out 6-10 letters correctly and then hit post. Let's hope this keeps those fuckers off my property.**


At 10:31 AM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

I have often discussed my displeaasure with Sportscenter and every other crappy show tht they have been putting on lately. Quite frankly, they suck.

You can see the displeasure I wrote about on another website here.

If they could just stick to game highlights, analysis and statistics, I would watch much more. Keep "PTI", Baseball Tonight and the football programs and get rid of all of the other fluff.

At 11:11 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Nicely done, Matty. I actually used to like that guy's Page 2 columns.

Anyway, I concur, I think SC just needs to be toned down and news-ed up. You know what they need actually? They need to be the target of a hoax. They need a 60 Minutes/Bush documents story. Because they have no competition, so they'll still get all the viewers, only hopefully they'll have learned their lesson and act like normal sports journalists.

The funny thing is, all they have to do is dial it down from an 11 to a 7. Quit it with the catchphrases, quit it with the Stu language and kissing up to Stu, just show highlights, report new stories, give us analysis and let us watch sports in peace. But it's really not far off -- like I said, just dial it down.

At 11:40 AM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

yeah, SC is downright unwatchable at times

give me more of my favorite show ever on tv...edge nfl matchup and Jaws!!

At 11:44 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I'd definitely take more Jaws. If it's a choice between people that know what they're talking about and people that don't but yell a lot (cough, Skip Bayless, cough), I'll take the analyst every time.

And I should say, I didn't mean Screamin' A Smith there. Believe it or not, I'm a big fan of that dude. He's a shitton smarter than people give him credit for, he argues amazing points and he knows his sports. He just yells way too loudly.

At 11:46 AM, Blogger ethan said...

what about that new show they have that belongs on E! - some hollywood gossip garbage.

the only thing i disagree with ace is that the randy moss thing should've superceded any preseason foosball crap. that stuff should have last billing. unofficial sporting events should be confined to the last 5-10 minutes of SC.

At 12:00 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I was just suggesting shit I'd put over this ground-breaking story. I didn't mean to say I'd start the show with preseason football, but to me, Brady returning to the field is a bigger story than some dude smoking the pot.

And if you look at how many stories I had there, that Brady story wouldn't have been til like 40 minutes past the hour.

At 12:18 PM, Blogger John Howard said...

I haven't watched SportsCenter much for the past year or two. I haven't really ever thought too much about why, but it's probably for the same reasons you talk about.

Also, your point on the Moss story shouldn't just be that it's minor, but also that it's pretty well known already. It's like them doing a story that Moss says he sometimes likes to catch touchdown passes.

Skip Bayless is a fucking moron.

At 12:21 PM, Blogger ethan said...

good point ace. does anyone know how old skip is? he could easily be 45 or 145, what with that orange wrinkly skin of is.

At 12:32 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah, that's a good point John. I tried to convey that, but I guess I left that part out in my rambling thoughts.

Ethan, I'd guess realistically, about 50-60. Coming home from the 2001 Alamo Bowl we saw him in the airport and he was on our flight. A few folks and I definitely thought about beating the crap out of him. That was when he was working for the Chicago Trib, and every column he ran I wanted to write a letter to the editor. He's brutal. The fact that people like that are rich and famous for doing something I'd like to do makes me quite jealous, but more bewildered.

At 7:16 PM, Blogger MDS said...

So how did Skip Bayless get on TV? I assume the ESPN market research indicates there's an audience for him. Is it just that people like getting angry at what they see on TV?


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