Thursday, September 15, 2005

Four Morning News and Notes

--After my morning micturition, shave and shower, I caught about 90 seconds of highlights of the WNBA Finals on SportsCenter. And if that weren't a long enough package, they then threw it down to courtside where a Pat Summit-looking analyst broke down the game for us.

Now here's my query: Should WNBA analysts be allowed to use the words "penetrate" or "penetration" or "penetrating" in their reports on female basketball players? It just felt creepy.

Next they'll be saying things like "It's been a real shocker in here tonight; these girls are just fingerbanging their way to the lane and fisting each other like nobody's business." Then the color woman will surely chime in, "That's right, Dykey, and the defense has been stellar this evening. These girls can't find the G-spot with a twelve-inch rubber dong, a magnifying glass and a pair of needle-nose pliers." Okay, so maybe that won't happen. But, still, "penetrate" took me by surprise this morning, that's all I'm saying.

--Staying on the sports tip, Hoobs sent this page over to me yesterday with the subject line of "Heisman" --'s photo gallery of the Top 10 Performances of the week in college football. Go U Northwestern, break right through that line...I'm telling you fine folks, remember the name Tyrell Sutton.

--My favorite lucky 13 Google and Yahoo! searches that brought people to Slack LaLane in the past day and a half:

1. IBM Presents you make the call
2. Teleporter between hookah hits
3. Mother daughter fuck
4. Kingsley Karzai
5. Trey Anastasio beardless
6. Shut Up'a You Face song
7. If I had a dick
8. Fuck @ work
9. Callahan Police Academy
10. Privileges and licenses Willy Wonka
11. Mr. Belding sucking
12. Did Cal Ripken's wife have sex with Kevin Costner
13. Adult movie bossman trophy surfing

I absolutely love the first a wee tyke I used to look forward to the commercial break of Monday Night Football when they'd break out the "IBM Presents" segment. I still remember to this day the one where the offensive player was about to score, but he fumbled through the back of the endzone. This brief piece of commercial trivia taught me that the end result of the play was actually a touchback. Sure we all know that now, but I learned that at a very early age from the freakin' television. Man, I love the television. You know, thinking about this, it really strikes me as amazing the things we choose to remember and the things we so easily forget.

I'm also a big fan of the Kingsley Karzai search, because it shows me I'm not the only one who thinks they're the same person. Very similar to the Six Flags Guy, Junior Soprano, Edgar Ray Killen lookalikes.

And seriously, who the hell is searching for "Adult movie bossman trophy surfing" and what the hell are they looking for?"

--And, lastly, this from offpeak: Is it real? I gotta think so, because Reuters and Yahoo! are running it, and the Drudge Report is reporting it. Awesome. Pee Pee.

Slack Song of the Day: Today we go back to The Maji, a band you'll probably be hearing a lot about on this here blog in the coming years. These guys are in no way a Phish cover band, but they do have a dyn-o-mite version of Maze in the repertoire (from Fall Hookahville, 9/2/05). And if you hear an idiot screaming in the background, that's probably either TJ in OH or Tits McGillicuty.

If you like what you hear, or even if you don't, click here for the rest of this show. Also, if you're in the Midwest at the end of this month, remember to check out Harvest Jam featuring The Maji and many other fantastic acts.


At 11:10 AM, Blogger MDS said...

I'm sure the photo is real. Why would a Reuters photographer risk his job to fake a photo like that? The only question is whether Bush wrote for permission to go to the bathroom, or whether he's replying to someone who passed the note to him.

At 11:12 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Oooh, that's a good point, MDS.

At 11:24 AM, Blogger The Letter D said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 11:26 AM, Blogger The Letter D said...

I think whenever we use the "funny search term" bit, we now have to send Mulgrew $5.

At 11:33 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

How about I send him nothing? He sucks. Mulgrew's dead to me.

It's a good bit, though. I just think it's awesome how people get to the site, I don't even think any of those are perticularly funny. J's are usually very funny, you laugh at them. These, mine, I just like looking at how in the wide world of balls people got here.

At 11:35 AM, Blogger The Letter D said...

I've done it too. My favorite random hit was for "Heather Graham gets her ass eaten out"

I do get a little freaked out though that I get about a few people every day looking for "sixteen year-old porn".

At 11:41 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Sorry, that's me.

At 12:04 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

Why are you searching for porn made in 1989?

At 12:42 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Of course, I love feathered pubes and mullets.

At 1:15 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...


At 2:01 PM, Blogger John Howard said...

You make the call was great, although they were usually way too obvious.

I used to really love Alcoa's Fantastic Finishes when I was a kid. Even the little jngle that went with it.

We can't wait, we can't wait...for tomorrow. Alcoa can't wait!


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