Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Frivolous Stories of the Day

Obviously the biggest story of the day is Rep. Tom DeLay's indictment and the potential ascension of Rep. David Dreier (didn't he play television's Hunter?) or Rep. Roy "Rollin' a" Blunt to the top leadership role in the House. But we'd be remiss if we didn't point out these other newsworthy stories:

1. Anti-dueling law cited in prosecution: "Five years into the 21st century, an 1846 anti-dueling law is being used to prosecute two cousins accused of getting in a knife fight."

Like nailing Al Capone on tax evasion, maybe they finally figured out a way to nail that sonuvabitch who marked up Seal's pretty face. Or was that lupus? Shit, my bad, Seal.

2. Senator says storms are punishment from God: "Hurricane Katrina and other storms that battered the Gulf Coast were God's judgment of sin, according to state Sen. Hank Erwin, R-Montevallo."

So this guy should be proud to join the ranks of Al Qaeda in Iraq, Louis Farrakhan, Pat Robertson (and this truly crazy weatherman) of people who have blamed Katrina on God's wrath (or the Japanese mafia). And I think to myself...what a wonderful world.

Only atheists should be allowed to make decisions for the country. I have officially spoken.

3. Bear Kising: Pucker Up, If You Dare!: "The Great Bear Federation of Canada calls a park's practice of letting visitors pay to kiss bears 'dangerous and stupid.'"

I've been trying to figure out a way to get this Super Troopers line on this blog, and finally I get my opportunity -- "Um, excuse me, Bear...Bearfucker, do you need assistance?"

4. Judge ends wet T-shirt contests in nightclubs: "For now, wet T-shirt contests are illegal in Myrtle Beach unless they are held in areas zoned for sexually oriented businesses, an Horry County judge said Tuesday before issuing a temporary restraining order against three nightclubs that have held such contests."

Talk about activist judges...what a serious bastard.

5. Australian crushed in rubbish lorry: "An Australian man has told how he narrowly escaped being crushed to death inside a rubbish lorry after he fell unconscious following a night out."

Who doesn't have at least one story that sounds familiar to this one?


At 3:11 PM, Blogger MDS said...

I'm no lawyer (I'm sure Noonan, as a member of the bar, will weigh in with all his knowledge of dueling laws), but I think the defense attorney quoted is wrong about the self-defense claim. The whole point of laws against dueling was exactly that -- even if both parties are defending themselves against the other, that's not a defense.

At 3:40 PM, Blogger hoobs said...

the weird thing about seal is that he is married to heidi klum, one of the more beautiful women around. doesn't she realize his face is all fucked up? he must have a gigantic phallus.

At 3:49 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

"For now, wet T-shirt contests are illegal in Myrtle Beach unless they are held in my backyard," a horny county judge said Tuesday before issuing a temporary restraining order against three nightclubs that have held such contests. "Let the record show: I want the titties at my place." The randy judge added, "What's got two thumbs and likes titties?," before thrusting his thumbs toward his chest.

At 3:53 PM, Blogger ethan said...

not only are is seal married to klum, but she popped out a baby seal 2 weeks ago. no word on the state of it's face. is leprecy hereditary?

At 4:02 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

Aren't there a lot of beavers in Canada? Wouldn't it be safer if the Canucks paid to kiss them instead?

Let's go kiss some beaver, ey?

At 7:44 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

Wow, anti-dueling!

MDS is basically correct. The law exists mainly for public policy reasons. We don't want dueling, and as a purely technical matter it wasn't already illegal.

It's now common law that you can't waive certain rights, like consenting to be killed (another necessary condition of a duel) but self defense was another issue entirely.

What a strange use of archaic law though. I'm pretty sure that you can forfeit your claim to self defense if you don't try to flee, and obviously in a duel you're not trying to flee, so it seems unecessary.


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