Friday, September 23, 2005

I'll Take S Words

John Howard recently wrote a little blog post about the abundance of swordplay stories in the news and in his life lately, something I've noticed as well. Well, more just the news for me.

Maybe it's the Internets-driven, 24-hour-cable-news culture we're getting our information from, but I feel the sheer number of swords-related stories is out of hand. That being said, here's a perfectly reasonable reaction from a teacher whose house was under deadly toilet paper attack from some local youths:

"'We were all TPing and stuff and a bunch of kids went to his house. And he came from a neighbor's yard with a sword and was chasing after everybody and hit a kid's hand,' said Matt Phannes, a student."

Can we all agree that sword-slinging is best left for Quentin Tarantino characters and not high school drama teachers? High school drama teachers should stick to trying to coax teenage male students into sexual acts, not slicing off their hands.

21 Comments:

At 11:52 AM, Blogger jakezebra said...

Didn't we have a past slackpost about a "decorative sword"? Who's into swords anyway.....I would much rather have some numchucks or a throwing star a la Shinobi.

Shinobi motherfuckers!

 
At 12:01 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah, that was called "Decorative Swords and Animal Balls."

http://slacklalane.blogspot.com/2005/07/decorative-swords-and-animal-balls.html

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger John Howard said...

Seriously, this sword stuff is way out of control. Everyone seems to have one.

 
At 12:48 PM, Blogger ethan said...

numchucks sure look cool, but they are crap. everyone knows a two-handed sword takes off maximum hit points.

 
At 1:04 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

All these swords should be turned into plowshares. A great man once said that......

 
At 1:13 PM, Blogger MDS said...

A great man did say that in a great song, but he was beaten to the punch by a few thousand years:

Isaiah 2:3-5 He will judge between the nations and will settle disputes for many peoples. They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not take up sword against nation, nor will they train for war anymore.

Joel 3:9-11 Beat your plowshares into swords and your pruning hooks into spears. Let the weakling say, "I am strong!"

Micah 4:2-4 He will judge between many peoples and will settle disputes for strong nations far and wide. They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not take up sword against nation, nor will they train for war anymore.

 
At 1:34 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

"J.R." Rider seemed like a smart man...I didn't know he could speak so well. Nor he was so old!

 
At 1:36 PM, Blogger dhodge said...

I think we are seeing more and more incidents involving swords because excessive gun control laws have made it nearly impossible to buy or own a gun in this country.

 
At 1:39 PM, Blogger MDS said...

Does anyone know how a person whose name doesn't start with a J came to go by the initials J.R.? His wikipedia entry doesn't tell.

And swords don't kill people, people kill people. But plowshares, those things can kill people. What is a plowshare anyway?

 
At 1:51 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

Maybe it's latin. Like in the "Last Crusade" where Indy forgets that in Latin "Jehovah" starts with an I? Maybe the opposite is true too.

Or maybe J.R. Rider can't read. One or the other.

 
At 2:03 PM, Blogger MDS said...

When are they going to make Indiana Jones 4? I hadn't even gone through puberty when the last one came out, and here I am going bald and I'm still waiting for the next.

Oh, and just to bring this thread full-circle, remember in Raiders of the Lost Ark when Indy just pulled out his gun and shot the guy who was waving the swords? That was pretty cool.

 
At 2:03 PM, Blogger The Bourbon Samurai said...

When I went to NU, we had a house way out on Green Bay, where the cops would not venture, and we use to have fencing tournaments in the backyard at all hours of the night.

After I graduated, some friends tried to do it a place over on Noyes and the cops showed up immediately.

 
At 2:24 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Wait, you lived on Green Bay? And you had fencing tournaments? Wow, thats a stunning admission!

DHodge, are you serious about that gun control comment? I can get you a gun in two hours. Done. You want it? It's yours. I hate guns, hate 'em.

In the Latin alphabet, Jevoah shtahts with an iiii.

 
At 2:53 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

BTW, while we're making fun of Sean Connery, my friend Mitch has compiled most, maybe all of the celeb jeopardies in audio form on this site:

http://home.wi.rr.com/coppersfootball/goodies.html

 
At 3:03 PM, Blogger dhodge said...

My gun control comment was in the spirit of a comment in the American Voices section of The Onion. I'll pass on that gun offer, but thanks anyway.

 
At 3:07 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah, I shoulda picked up on that...but I'm an idiot.

I reaally despise guns, and I'd make gun control a huuuge priority if it weren't so hypocritical. How can I argue about privacy and property rights when I'm also arguing for taking away other people's guns? And make no mistake -- I don't want gun control, I want no guns. None.

Guess I can never run for President.

 
At 3:22 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

I hate guns too. Guns + low impulse control + pms = life insurance. Wait, why do we hate guns?

 
At 3:59 PM, Blogger dhodge said...

Don't feel too bad Ace, a lot of people who have known me most of my life can't tell when I'm joking or not. I like Dan Savage's approach to gun control. Everyone in favor of it, shut up for a while and wait for all the gun nuts to finish accidentally (or intentionally) killing each other. Once that's over, maybe we can take a more common sensical approach to gun laws.

 
At 4:56 PM, Blogger The Bourbon Samurai said...

You could do any goddamn thing you wanted on Green Bay. It was amazing. We'd have 100 people in the backyard at 3 am, people puking on other people's lawns-
no cops called in 2 years.

I believe you should be able to have any legitamite hunting weapon you want , and that's it. You want to protect your home, get a shotgun. Handguns are pretty much only used to commit crimes and make you feel big.

 
At 9:06 PM, Anonymous K Wynn said...

If we didn't have guns peeps might use pea-shooters, and those fucking things can put an eye out. Then you may as well let everyone run around helter-skelter brandishing scissors. Swords sound kinda cool..maybe Jerry's pirate shirt will be a hit after all.

 
At 2:44 PM, Blogger John Howard said...

But I don't wanna be a pirate!

 

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