Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Why's God Such a Dick?

This just in...Hurricane Rita has now strenghtened to Category 5 status, as the storm's winds have officially been clocked at 165 miles per hour.

To put that in perspective, only three Cat-5 hurricanes have ever hit landfall since we began keeping records, and all three "fucked some shit up big time," according to the NOAA. Even crazier, there's never been two Cat-4 hurricanes in one season, let alone a Cat-4 (Katrina) and a Cat-5 (if Rita doesn't weaken).

Houston Mayor Bill White just ordered the mandatory evacuation of parts of the area, while urging others to get the fuck out of Dodge. I'm sure the Katrina evacuees living in Houston are loving this. And there's only two million people in Houston, so there probably won't be any traffic on the roads at this hour.

If this storm doesn't weaken, and it hits land as a Cat-5, and more people die and lose everything they own, which is all but guaranteed, I want an explanation from people who'll still believe in God as to why he'd be such a prick to these people along the Gulf Coast. Not even Alec Baldwin's character in Glengarry Glen Ross was this mean.

I can just see God getting in the face of everyone in Galveston: "See, that's who I am. And you're nothing."

12 Comments:

At 4:52 PM, Blogger MDS said...

God sent this hurricane to kill people and destroy thousands of homes because he loves us. Didn't you pay attention in Sunday school, Ace?

 
At 5:05 PM, Blogger ASIAN FUCKING WHITE GIRL said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 5:07 PM, Blogger MDS said...

It's nice to know that porn comment spammers are doing their part to help the Katrina victims.

 
At 5:10 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I should have written some of those sites down before deleting that comment, come to think of it.

 
At 5:12 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

In all fairness, I have been to Galveston and it is one of the top ten worst places on earth. On that trip, Galveston became the punchline to every joke about the awfulness of something. I'm not sure what my point is, certainly not that I want a hurricane to hit Galveston, but if a shitstorm hits a toilet, it's worth noting at least that it hit a toilet. And I'm not being insensitive to the fact that Galvestonians are going to have rough times ahead, all I'm saying is that I wouldn't live there cause it sucks and there is the possibility of a hurricane.

 
At 5:14 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

So...that begs the question -- is God teaming up with Mother Nature to wipe out the poor, or mastermind a plan to improve the plight of the poor?

You decide.

 
At 5:26 PM, Blogger offpeak34 said...

i think He wanted to target a "city of sin" in New Orleans, and the center of oil and compassionate conservatism in texas in order to prove that he's neutral, and doesn't lean right or left politically, right? isn't it obvious?

 
At 5:29 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

I think that God is actually punishing hurricanes by sending one to Galveston.

 
At 5:52 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

--"Hi everybody, I'm Houston Mayor Bill White--"

--"Uh no, Scooter. That's me!"

--"Holy Cow! White, you Huckleberry!"

 
At 5:53 PM, Blogger Kenny Alias said...

It's a good thing we didn't spend 186 billion dollars "liberating" Iraq because that money will be well spent on...oh, wait. Forget it.

 
At 10:10 PM, Anonymous Greg said...

Luckily Rita won't be a Category 5 when it hits land... I wouldn't bet everything I own on that, but it's pretty likely.

 
At 9:45 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

"And now we go over to Houston Mayor Bill White, who's standing by with Thurman Munson..."

"Uh, thanks Scooter, but Munson died. This is Matt Nokes."

"Go evacuate the lockerroom, White."

 

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