Friday, October 07, 2005

Darwinian Social Security

I spent much of the day working.

Well, if by working you mean sitting in my boss' office for an hour shooting the shit while he chain smoked, talkin' about punching women, political correctness and the stupidity of religion, then going outside for another hour to stand outside the building and make insensitive jokes together as Robert Klein walked by with either his son or his teenage lover, then yeah, I worked my ass off today.

But through nonsense comes hilarity. We came full circle and explored a whole new concept for saving Social Security: natural selection. Lately it kinda seems like the Republicans are knocking off groups of old people in order to save the entitlement program.

In the past month we've seen a tourboat full of geezers capsize off the western shore of Lake George, killing 20 people; a bus full of past-primers evacuating Houston from Hurricane Rita explode on the highway, taking 23 lives; now a mysterious illness has killed 16 and infected 70 total seniors at an Ontario nursing home -- sure, they don't collect from U.S. Social Security, but it could be prep for an American attack soon.

A couple more of these puppers and Social Security will be back in the black. Think about that this weekend. Ace Cowboy in '08.


At 9:32 AM, Blogger The Ambiguously Gay Uno said...

Ace- don't get mad, but I'm about to go off topic...

I remember a little over a month ago when a pretty big storm hit the Gulf Coast. This storm was a MAJOR national tragedy, with the death toll reaching 1,213 as of last week.

By all counts, this was a natural disaster. Sure, it could be said that pollution did this, global warming did that, blah, blah, blah... but we do know for sure that this was not terrorism or anything like that. It was an act of god.

Or as some of our A-rab friends suggested, not only an ACT from god, but a PUNISHMENT from god. According to these lunatics, Hurricane Katrina, and eventually Hurricane Rita, was god's way of getting back at Americans for all of the injustice they've done around the world.

Now I realize that I'm most likely going straight to hell for saying this, and I don't really mean it, but what exactly would you call and earthquake that kills 30,000 people on the Pakistan/India/Afghanistan border?

I really don't believe that god does things like this to people, but if these crazies were so sure that the hurricanes were the punishment for Americans, what was this earthquake to them? Just compare the death tolls on this one... who commits more injustices?

And then again, we go rushing back in there with aid and support for these people...

At 9:50 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Bravo, good rant. I think the answer lies more with the asshats making those ridiculous assertions than anything else. And I personally think they don't believe it, but they know where the money is. Talk enough shit, get enough fame, make the cash.

At 1:39 PM, Blogger ahren said...

here's my solution to social security-- set up an obstacle course, then have senior citizens matched up randomly each month and have them race through the course. only the winner gets his/her check.

this cuts entitlements in half, provides tons of entertainment, and acts as an incentive to stay fit, which helps keep health care costs down.


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