Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Let's Go Vikings

Staying true to the spirit of the real Vikings, the Minnesota football team took to the water in order to rape and pillage...

"Minnesota Vikings players are being investigated in connection with a lake cruise that turned into a wild sex party last week on Lake Minnetonka. The party became so out of control that crew members on the two yachts were offered money for sex and feared for their safety, law enforcement authorities and an attorney for the cruise company said Tuesday."

This version's a doooooozy. So is this one. And this.

I guess I just don't get what the big story is's one thing if there was some sexual or physical assault or other crimes committed, which still may come out in post-party police and media interviews, but it sounds to me like this was just a wild, sexy party. What's the big effin' deal, bitch?

I mean, if they do this story on ESPN tonight, Michael Irvin will be on the set just giggling to himself, thinking about how tame this party sounds compared to Big D in the 90s (BYU's Steve Young, however, probably has little sympathy). I bet this Vikings boat trip sounds like Bible Camp to those Cowboys. Weren't they snuffing out hookers and shit? Not that there's anything wrong with that either.

This joke crossed my desk earlier, based on this line: "The crew members, including one who was 18, were 'petrified' for their safety, Doyle said." Hey, at least someone is scared of the Vikings this year.

So unless they broke some laws, I say "Good for the Vikings."


At 12:20 PM, Blogger MDS said...

"The party was initially designed to fulfill what is an annual obligation by a first-year player to throw a social event for any players and any friends and family members who want to attend"

Family members? I hope that means like the players' brothers or something. I can't really imagine that this is the type of thing you bring the wife and kids to.

Also, be sure to read the AP account, which includes this line:

"Doyle says that escalated to players giving and receiving oral sex."

Players were giving oral sex? I dunno, just seems a little unusual to me that a guy would hire a stripper so that he could perform oral sex on her.

At 1:13 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

'I'll tell you a story about John,' she told the audience. 'He often used to wake up in the middle of the night and ask me, "Why do people cover Paul's songs so much, but never mine?"

'I used to tell him, "It's because you are a talented songwriter. You don't just rhyme Smoot with prostitute."

At 2:00 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Well done Zeebs...

At 2:23 PM, Blogger John Howard said...

Yeah, but with the 90's Cowboys, they were also winning Super Bowls, which makes it all ok. Well, to me anyway.

When the team sucks, this kind of stuff is unacceptable.

At 2:46 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I mostly agree with that John...the Cowboys were on top of the world and blowing off steam (and again, snuffing out hookers).

But these guys are all rich, young, successful people -- if the trading floor at, say, Merrill Lynch did this it wouldn't be a such a big deal. It fosters team comraderie, togetherness, looking out for each other...this could be what they need to reel off 10 straight wins.

Not really.

At 3:50 PM, Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

Hey, not so fast! I doubt they were giving oral sex to the stripper. More likely the Queens' players were performing oral sex on each other. At least they play like it. They suck. They blow. Sounds like a Tice "togetherness strategy" to me.


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