Tuesday, October 04, 2005

L'Shana Tova

I'm not a very religious man, and I've never really believed in an almighty God, but to all my Jewy bretheren: Happy New Year.

From one hook-nosed, small-junked Jewboy to all of youse, enjoy the shofar blowing, the Torah reading, tonight's meal, the holiday nagging and the guilt and all the other fix-ins.

I'll be at work, which to me, is much more preferable than a few hours in temple. And now I'm definitely getting hit by a bus on the way home for making a blasphemous statement like that. Besides, I used to spend the two hours stuck in temple playing games with the prayer book with my brother and eavesdropping on my mother's American Idol conversation. Gotta love the reformed.

Slack Song of the Day: Here's my favorite tune from that world-famous Jew, Neil Diamond -- Cracklin' Rosie. Git on board, folks.

If you're feeling particularly anti-semitic today, here are a couple of awesome goyim songs: Medicated Goo by Traffic and a cool cover of the Talking Heads' Naive Melody (This Must Be the Place) by Perpetual Groove from 4/22/05 -- not quite the TH version, and the vocals are weak, but pretty impressive musically.


At 11:13 AM, Blogger Kenny Alias said...

As a gentile, I have never been to a Roshashoshanananana dinner before. That is until last night. I was invited by my girlfriend to one despite the fact that she reminded me about 10 times that I didn't "have to" attend. Not wanting to be labelled an antisemite or just plain weird, I gladly partook. I was warned ahead of time that there would be some prayers and some really bad food and advised to eat ahead of time.

Looking back now, there was a three second prayer for the bread and wine and then we ate turkey, sweet potatoes, brisket, cranberry, stringbeans, etc. It was so unreligous that it even impressed my inner lapsed Catholic. There was no reading from the Torah, circumcisions, or ritual sacrifices like I expected.

Basically it was like a Thanksgiving dinner with a side of moth ball soup and I even got to wear a harmonica for a few minutes.

At 12:04 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

That sounds about right...Rosh Hashannah's not a really Jewish dinner if I recall. Just the temple part is annoying.

The Torah is cool, though, lotta good stories in there. There's one that goes:

God: Abraham, kill me a son.
Abe: Man, you must be puttin' me on.
God: No.
Abe: What?
God: You can do what you want Abe, but the next time you see me comin' you better run.
Abe: Where you want this killin' done?
GodL Out on Highway 61.

That's verbatim from the Torah.

At 12:28 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

Shana Tova.

I think your translation of the Torah would sell better than the real thing. Concise.

At 12:53 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Robert Zimmerman already beat me to it, Noonan.


At 1:46 PM, Blogger The Letter D said...

I'm still convinced the Abraham story was the first recorded episode of Punk'd

At 1:58 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

Ah, Bob Dylan. The giant hole in my knowledge of pop culture strikes again.

At 2:14 PM, Blogger Kenny Alias said...

Yep, yep, there was some Dylan playing last night...Then a full recitation of Ginsberg's Howl. Who knew Jews were so artsy.

At 2:43 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

Dylan Schmylan, Kenny. Madonna, Brittney and Demi Moore are all Jews now. Now that's what I call artsy.

Actually, Dylan & Ginsberg were friends and co-collaborators on some stuff. He's my latest obsession since the PBS special.

At 2:48 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Think Ginsberg seduced Bobby D into the sack ever?

At 3:02 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

Probably. It worked with Cassady. Although his threshold was probably pretty low.

Oh and speaking of Howl. I bought my copy at the actual City Lights bookstore in San Francisco. I think they keep them at the cash register. It's obligatory. Like an "I survived Space Mountain" t-shirt at Disneyland.

At 3:21 PM, Blogger Kenny Alias said...

Madonna, Britney, and Demi are "poppy" not "artsy" Gypsy. Not one of them could write a song like "It's Alright, Ma." And as for being Jewish, unless their mothers are Jewish or they converted according to Jewish law then I'm not sure they are real Jews.

My friend Schmool (you may know him by his non-hebrew name Steven Spielberg) says they're just Jewish because it's hip and like guys with small units.

At 3:31 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

Are you sure they're not pop artsy like Andy Warhol? Can't you see the irony in "I'm Not That Innocent?" Can't you?

Jewish guys have small units?

At 4:05 PM, Blogger Kenny Alias said...

Fortunately for me, I've never heard "I'm not that innocent."

Unfortunately for Jewish guys, I have heard they have small units. I don't think they're hung like Asians or anything that bad but it's a stereotype and its out there.

Personally I'm black, so I know what its like to have an enormous rod. And bad credit.

At 4:12 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

and my car.

At 5:05 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

You're a black Catholic? How did that happen?

So you have an enormous rod, but too much latent guilt to enjoy it. Got it.

One Catholic to another, I mean.

At 6:00 PM, Blogger Kenny Alias said...

Actually, to be precise, I'm a lapsed Black Catholic, with bad credit, jakezebra's stolen car, a ton of latent guilt, and an enormous rod that I'm saving for marriage.

At 8:41 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Nice to come in to work and read some good comedy in the comments...

At 10:00 AM, Blogger jakezebra said...

me not having my whip is not comedy to me.

you get a free bowl of soup with that enormous rod?


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