Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Morning Links

It's Day Five of Manhattan's Monsoon Season, my shoes and lower pants region are soaked through, the Yankees are out of the beisbol playoffs, Nick Lachey must be here because it's about 98 degrees in my office and I'm tired as hell because instead of going to sleep I watched Van Wilder 'til the wee hours.

As such, I'm not feeling very inspired this morning. You know what that means -- you're getting a small batch of disjointed morning links. And like Spaulding Smails, you'll like it.

1. Indecent Overexposure -- Reality television is on the decline, which is good news for everyone except maybe Red Cowboy (you should see that kid's TiVo). The 26th version of Survivor's ratings are down 19 percent among the 18-49 demos, and "nearly every returning entry in the once white-hot genre is either flat or down among the broadcasters in primetime."

Could this be due to the fact that there's just too fucking many unoriginal pieces of turd masquerading as entertainment? Holy shit, do we really need two competing shows about proper nannying? Well, it's surely a good thing we have two apprentice shows then, or three separate shows about fixing up somebody's house, and two or three about fixing their looks. American Idol worked, so let's ask people if they think they can dance, or if they want to be the next top model, or if they'll eat pig rectum dipped in bull semen.

Let's hope these executives get the message...I mean, even they can't be this recalcitrant. I'm not sure that's the right word, but let's go with it anyway. Yeah, those recalcitrant fucks.

2. Nosy Samaritan -- Maybe he still has no heart on the ballfield, but Nomar Garciaparra pulled a Drew Rosenhaus and saved two people from drowning late last week.

"A bunch of us came running over and sure enough, pulling the two girls from the water was Nomar,'' [a witness] told the newspaper. "It was crazy. Nomar was like jumping over walls to get to the girls and the other guy leaped off the balcony. It was unbelievable.''

I'm really surprised Nomar didn't pull a hammy on his way out to the water. Or maybe he'd just sit in his chair and sulk for the whole thing. To be honest, though, I love reading these stories. You can say what you want about any athlete or celebrity, but when they risk their lives without even thinking first, just to save a stranger, they immediately spring to the top of my list. There actually is no list. I made that up. Don't tell Nomar.

3. Stevie Spielberg, Innovator -- "Hollywood movie mogul Steven Spielberg has invented technology he calls 'the future of cinema' - and he promises the new film experience will suck audiences into the heart of the action."

He can promise to suck me in, but can he promise his new films won't suck? Right now I'm in a bitter battle with Spielberg to get my money back from War of the Worlds, The Terminal and Minority Report. What happened to you Spielberg, you used to be cool.

4. Go U NU -- In my write-up of Northwestern's enormous victory over the #14 undefeated Wisconsin Badgers this past weekend, I neglected to mention the effort put forth by probable All-American linebacker Tim McGarigle (McGarnagle!).

Earning him the #3 slot on the list of Weekend's Top 10 Performers on, McGarigle actually recorded 25 tackles against the Badgers. Twenty-five friggin' tackles. Awesome. Go Cats. Also featured on the list, Tyrell Sutton and Brett Basanez -- I guess 51 points and 25 tackles on defense will get you three dudes on the top ten list. It also helps that NU has like 35 people on staff there.

5. Pea Thoup -- And check out the latest Strong Bad e-mail cartoon -- it's not only hilarious in general, but there's a funny joke from Homestar at the end of it. Thanks for the heads up, Ethan.

Slack Song of the Day: I'm feeling The Band you will, too. Here's some Stage Fright, Up on Cripple Creek, It Makes No Difference, We Can Talk, Caledonia Mission and Long Black Veil.


At 10:46 AM, Blogger ethan said...

i swear spielberg and harrison ford have the same person dressing them. spielberg has on the same weird baseball hat-old man sun glasses combo that ford is usually photographed in.

At 11:26 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Finkel is Einhorn. Einhorn is Finkel.

At 11:36 AM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...


I hate playing NU at in Evanston. HATE it. (I've traveled to this game a few times). But I love it every time that guy makes a tackle and my whole section yells out MACGARNACLE!!! Good times.

What is he, in his 8th years now? That guy's been there forever.

BTW, I'm convinced that Northwestern is good at home because they put subliminable messages in that damn wildcat growling noise that they play only slightly more often than Michigan plays their fight song, which is to say, after a first down, a sack, a tackle, successfully declining a penalty, refilling the gatorade jug, retrieving the kicking tee, and selling a hot dog, and

At 12:30 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

The wildcat roar is annoying, sure, and overplayed, sure, and I have been screeching like a big cat for the past five days, but don't blame E-Town for your loss.

We went into Camp-Randall and beat you guys fair and square in 2000, a win that projected us to the top of the Big Ten.

I don't know if you remember that game, but that was an AWESOME win for the Cats.

At 12:39 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

I was at that game. close enough to spit on Dwayne Bates when he caught that TD in the corner of the end zone to win it. I didn't though. Everyone else did.

I went to every game that year, and, if memory serves, that was the infamous Dayne fumble, where we could have taken a few knees and punted and left NU with about 17 seconds left inside their own 20 with no TOs. Instead Barry tried to get Ron some garbage time yards and he coughed it up.

Yeah, I think I remember.

At 12:48 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Dude, you're definitely thinking of the wrong game!

Dwayne Bates graduated after the 1998 season and Ron Dayne was drafted in April 2000, several months before the game.

This was the early Sept. Big Ten game where the unranked Cats knocked off the #7 Badgers in Double OT. We tied it on a long field goal (by Tim Long) and then won it in double OT on a run by Damien Anderson.

Michael Bennetr had 293 yards in that game, and DA had 174. Famed Jets QB Brooks Bollinger threw for three scores.

At 1:03 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

Oh great, so I remembered a different NU win at Camp Randall.

I definitely wasn't at that game. College is a big blur these days. If it was September 2000 I was painting my aunt's house, which is why it didn't stick in my head. I probably listened on the radio.

That's alot of NU misery though. When do we ever beat you guys?

Brooks Bollinger tossed three TD scores? In a game?

At 1:10 PM, Blogger The Ambiguously Gay Uno said...

"We tied it on a long field goal (by Tim Long) and then won it in double OT on a run by Damien Anderson."

Is that a double entendre?

How Long?

At 1:16 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

How Long is a Chinese name.

At 2:02 PM, Blogger The Ambiguously Gay Uno said...

We appreciate the setup, Ma'am...


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