Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Quick Hitters

--I'm excessively cranky for some reason this morning. Maybe it's the lack of sleep I've had recently, or maybe it's the fact that I don't want to be here right now.

About five minutes ago I sneezed twice and followed them up a little sniffle noise, and the monumentally annoying girl I work with got all cheery and asked "Oh Ace, are you sick again?" Instead of my usual tactic of either ignoring her or patronizing her, I literally screamed "Noooooo" like Shooter McGavin after the "You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?" line and gave her an unintentional Napolean-esque "Gosh."

--I'm a full-fledged racist sometimes. For a long time, maybe going back to high school, any time I see a thin black woman with short hair I call her Dionne Farris. Always, without fail. This morning a probably nice woman was in front of me at the toaster, and I caught myself as I was about to utter, "Move it, Farris, I know what you're dooooing, but I need to heat up my English muffin."

--A sure sign I'm getting old: I actually fell asleep in the 13th inning of last night's Game 3. What? Why? Wine buzz or not, there's no excuse for that. I'll be right back, I'm gonna go cut myself and wear black.

--Is today the day? Is today the day the two-year-old CIA leak investigation concludes with some serious indictments? I say yes, and I'll guess it's Scooter Libby, with the wrench, in the study. Our new friend Monk is following the developments over at Inflatable Dartboard, a site worth checking if you're into liberal politics (I'm lookin' at all three of you).

--Lastly, I had a top-notch celebrity sighting last night. The last time I went to Five Points Restaurant, I saw Phil Seymour Hoffman (I can call him Phil, we're tight) dining outside. This time, as we were finishing up our entrees, the hooker I paid for the evening leaned in and said, "Holy shit, that's Lance Armstrong." I turned around quickly, and realized that not only were Lance and Sheryl Crow in the building, they were basically eating off my plate. We couldn't have been more than five feet away.

My policy of not approaching celebrities is well-documented here, but I really like both of these characters. In fact, I consider Sheryl Crow to be sexy as hell. Very tempting stuff, I nearly caved. I really just wanted to walk up to them and say, "Try that second salad down on the list, it's got plenty of nuts." Or maybe something like, "You really wanna prove you're a man? Try winning that shit with a unicycle." Obviously, we just walked out without saying anything.

Slack Video of the Day: Check out this somewhat sad video of weeping Cardinals fans at Busch Stadium after losing to the Astros in the NLCS, courtesy of our buddy Russ. No matter how awful I felt after last year's ALCS Game 7 loss, at least I can tell myself, "Hey, you didn't sob openly in front of a predatory news crew."

Slack Songs of the Day: You know those days when it's gloomy, it's cold, you're tired, it's early and you just want to get right back into bed? But then...then the iPod starts kicking these random songs into your inner ears and surrounding ear parts and you start to shake it, shake it, move it on the morning train, thinking "This day is gonna be better than I thought, let's do some karate and eat Handisnacks." Today brought one of those mornings.

Starting with the first tune my iPod cranked into my head on the subway this morning, I didn't stop rockin' 'til I arrived here at my desk. Here's the playlist (remember, I have a short commute, maybe 18 minutes tops):

Little Feat's Time Loves a Hero of the incredible disc Waiting for Columbus > JB's Get Up Offa That Thing > Talking Heads' Thank You For Sending Me an Angel > The Dead's The Music Never Stopped off One from the Vault.



At 10:25 AM, Blogger Justin said...

Unicycle? That's gold, Ace. Gold.

At 10:36 AM, Blogger ethan said...

dude what is that cardinal fan talking about shea stadium? was he inferring that it holds some greatness/nostalgia like busch?

At 11:07 AM, Anonymous Rashid Muhammad said...

I fell asleep last night as well.. around the 11th inning. Probably because I had no intent on reliving that debacle of game 4 of the NLDS.

At 12:11 PM, Blogger Russell Kahn said...

I still maintain that a more direct approach with Sheryl would have worked. Something like, "Hey baby, wouldn't you rather go home with someone with two testicles? I can't even ride a bike, but at least I've never got cancer."

She would have melted, trust me.

I stupidly watched the whole end of the game. Kind of wished I didn't right now...

Oh, and for the record, the 12/31/02 Phish cover of "Times Loves a Hero" (their only cover of the night) gives me goose bumps every time.

At 12:41 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Every time I hear that song I think of 12/31/02. I was a big fan of it before that show, but that show really made it a serious favorite of mine.

There's a moment during that segue between that Runaway Jim and TLAH when I swore they were about to go into Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except for Me and My Monkey (take a listen, there's one Trey guitar rip that made me think that). But as soon as I realized it was TLAH, I was just as pumped.

Now my aunt she is sad and lonely...

At 1:25 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

from the "they need to make new charts" dept, great article...

fell asleep around the 9th i think, here's my fav:

The two teams combined to use 17 pitchers -- which was not just a World Series record; it was also slightly more than were used in the only other 14-inning game in Series history. In that game (Game 2, 1916), there was a grand total of no relievers used -- because the two starters, Babe Ruth and Sherry Smith, threw every single pitch.

At 1:47 PM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...


That may or may not be me giving my cow tounge to some blondie-pants in the background of that Cardinals clip.

Jesus, it's sad that they lost and that they're tearing down Busch Stadium, but it's nothing to have 17 beers and emasculate yourself over.

Now, have 17 beers and eat a ham sandwich...yeah...that's the ticket.

At 2:06 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Whoooa, poophop lives...the last time this kid posted a comment Cream had just broken up. Good stats, man, Stark is great for that kind of stuff. I think he should grow the stache back, but he's still okay in my book.

Alex, glad to hear things in St. Loo are back to normal, that you all can go back to concentrating on pork products. I'm eating a ham sandwich right now, and a part of me feels like weeping.

At 3:22 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

Stunning news from the Upper West Side as former NBC anchorman Tom Brokaw was seated at a table just behind me last night at dinner.

Gerald Ford is gay.

At 5:48 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

well stop your posts of "Breaking News, Trey took a dump this morning, and didnt even have to wipe!!!!!!!" and maybe i'd have something to comment on jerkstore


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