Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Big Game & V. Dartz

Professional athletes must love talking to me on the phone. So much so, I've now started declining these constant invitations for telephonic communication. True story.

Regular readers of this here rag may remember my mid-August post about the impromptu phone conversation I shared with then-heavyweight champ Lennox Lewis a few years back. I nearly had a similar experience with one of basketball's greatest forwards after work yesterday, via our good friend Mitchell VergerDartz III.

In the midst of a somewhat silly conversation with V. Dartz, he stopped listening to me and squawked, "What up, Big Game?" to the fellow next to him. I had already forgotten about what I was blathering, and I grew suddenly inquisitive as to whom this specific greeting was directed. "Well, I'm standing next to James Worthy," he said plainly, as if he were standing next to some guy in his office.

Turns out he was, I guess. While supremely lazy, Dartz holds a respectable producer position at a big-time local television outlet that airs the games of a certain Los Angeles group of cagers. As part of this job, he regularly sits next to and converses with ol' number #42. To him, not a big deal. To me, very funny stuff.

"Want me to put James Worthy on the phone?," Dartz asked. "Want me to put him on the phone with you?"

Sheepishly, and freshly stoned, I replied "No, no, please don't."

"You wanna talk to him? He's right here."

"Dude, DO NOT put James Worthy on the phone with me right now," I yelled like Jerry Seinfeld telling his mother not to send him fifty dollars. "Don't put him on, Verger. I mean, what am I gonna say to James Worthy? I'm racking my brain right now and I can't come up with a single thing to say to him."

The Worthy conservation died there, only to re-emerge a few minutes later when I tried to think of something to say to him.

"Seriously, what would I even say to James Worthy?," I said. "Tell him I loved him in Coneheads. You too." Dartz paused and seemingly contemplated passing along this Frank Drebin mis-compliment. "No, really, tell him I loved him in Coneheads." Another pause for thought. "Okay, don't do that."

Another anti-climactic finish for the reader, I'm sure. But after I hung up I realized and laughed, what kind of day it has been where I can come home from work, take a hit or two, get a call from a close friend and then beg him not to put Hall of Famer James Worthy on the phone. Sometimes my life is (sur)really funny.

So I ask you, Slackers, be serious, be funny, be mean, be nice, but tell me, what would you say to James Worthy if handed a call with the former Tarheel on the horn?

Slack Link of the Day: Hippies everywhere are in a state of shock and outrage after the Grateful Dead's controversial decision to pull its soundboards off the Live Music Archive. It's a pretty boneheaded move, and it makes no sense frankly, but part of me loves seeing the hippies become all flustered and try to get people together and form protests. Fingers are being pointed, names being called, it's truly an ugly scene in Jerryland right now.

But at least ONE former member of the Dead camp has come forward in response on the side of the people, and that's lyricist John Perry Barlow, who issued some scathing remarks at his former friends. Leave it to a lyricist to put things in perspective, coherently.

Slack Suggestion of the Day: You may remember my love of the 2005 Langerado Music Festival (and the subsequent tank frenzy). This certainly ranked high on the list of awesome weekends this year, and I will most definitely be there in March for the next episode. I strongly advise you folks to join me, since you all clearly missed out on a sick time. The festie promoters announced the lineup today, and it's expanded to include the hipster crowd in addition to the hippies. Hippies and hipsters, much like Vegoose.

Let's go friends, March 11 and 12, 2006, be there: "Ben Harper & The Innocent Criminals The Black Crowes The Flaming Lips, Wilco, The Meters, Robert Randolph & The Family Band, Keller Williams, Burning Spear, G. Love & Special Sauce, Steel Pulse, Michael Franti & Spearhead, Drive-By Truckers, The Secret Machines, Umphrey’s McGee, The Disco Biscuits, Antibalas Afrobeat Orchestra, MOFRO, Slightly Stoopid, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Brazilian Girls, Kid Koala, Lyrics Born, RJD2, Kinky, Rose Hill Drive, Brothers Past, Pnuma Trio, Lotus, Mike Relm and more!"

Slack Song of the Day: No frills today, just tunes. Here's God Street Wine's Wendy and Mile By Mile; Bruce Hornsby's Western Skyline > Don't Do It; Little Feat's Sailin' Shoes; and Les Claypool playing King Crimson's Thela Hun Ginjeet and Floyd's Shine On You Crazy Diamond with Warren Haynes.


At 10:19 AM, Blogger ethan said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 10:20 AM, Blogger ethan said...

you should've asked worthy if he ever got sick of making fun of ac green.

or what was the best virgin joke they ever bestowed on that cat.

At 10:41 AM, Blogger Trix said...

I'm in for Langerado, as long as you promise I'll get to see G. Love & Special Sauce. "Pull the Wool" was the last song I heard before I got in to work this morning. Am I in?

At 11:06 AM, Blogger hoobs said...

wow, that festival sounds great this year. i may actually be in; it corresponds with my spring break.

At 11:11 AM, Blogger MDS said...

"James, which would you say was more careless: Magic's failure to wear condoms, or your inbounds pass in Game 2 of the '83 Finals?"

At 11:24 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Hoobs, sweetness. I'm gonna look into logistics this weekend. Only downside is they raised the price from $75 to $120, but there's so many great bands this year it's worth the hike. I just hope there's a similar amount of that gaseous ambroasia we know and love.

MDS, THAT's exactly what I was lookin' for, thank you. If Donnie hadn't passed away he'd be a gold mine for this one...

The AC Green thing was way too easy, no offense, Ethan.

G. Love? Really? Out of all those bands?

At 11:52 AM, Blogger Trix said...

Yes, G. Love! It's not that I don't like the other bands on the list, but G. Love holds a special place in my nostalgic heart. Please don't make fun!

At 1:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Save your money and book your ticket to Vegoose 06. A much better time!


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