Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Cool Mom's the One

Most teenage boys entertain the occasional Stifler's Mom fantasy in the process of growing up, that's nothing unusual. No matter how pent up those sexual urges can be, though, there's really no excuse for sleeping with this "Cool Mom." Even if you're 16 and hopped up on methamphetamines, Jack Daniels and the pot.

Opportunistic bloggers and mainstream journalists everywhere are going to do their best to villify this woman, calling her a perverted seductress who preyed on teenage boys and ruined many lives. I won't disagree, that's a pretty fair assessment. And she certainly deserves the jail time she received today, even though you can clearly tell from this two-minute police interview that she's a very confused lady.

My job here isn't to play contrarian, it's to pose this question: How in the world did this woman luckily earn the nickname "Cool Mom" in every single publication and website? That's just a fantastic nickname for such a handful of terrible deeds. Good for her, really. She could have been dubbed Mommy Rapist, Statutory Starlet, Teen Rider, Gross Slut Who Likes Teencock, Filthy McNasty, something simple like Motherfucker, or even (Hideous But) Cool Mom.

No, this chick lucked out. She'll be sitting in jail for 30 years, but at least she'll be referred to as a Cool Mom in the press. And I'm sure she can rest easy on her concrete pillow knowing that fact.

Slack Link of the Day: Did anyone else see this headline -- Man Claims He Has Rid Himself of HIV -- and wonder whether the story would be about Magic Johnson? I mean, have we reached "hoax" level with this guy yet? The man's a marvel. It's magic.

Slack Song of the Day: Today's tracks come from Robert Randolph and the Family Band’s 2002 Bonnaroo set. And since the whole set is outrageously fantastic, I can’t pick just one song -- so here’s the dance-inducing I Get Joy, a delicious cover of Voodoo Chile and the soul-tingling Swing Low, Sweet Chariot with the Del McCoury Band and DJ Logic.


At 10:50 AM, Blogger hoobs said...

i'd like to put cool whip on a cool mom's hot places.

At 11:30 AM, Blogger brucey mcbruce said...

... a far, far cry from Stacy's mom. Granted I don't have a cock, but what teenage boy would actually want to stick it to this Filthy McNasty? Those must have been some gooooood drugs.

At 11:43 AM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

It just goes to show you that having sex with teenagers is the coolest thing you can do.

Nice choice on tunes today. He palyed a badass Bilie Jean last time I saw him.

At 11:49 AM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

I'm pretty sure that teenage boys want to stick it to just about anything.

I spend a few hours every week volunteering at my local high school. I am a totally average looking 38 year old, yet spend about 60% of the time that I'm there deflecting the not so veiled advances of teenage boys.

And while I'm usually an outrageous flirt, there is NO WAY that I would go there. It's always the adult's responsibility to be the adult, in my opinion.

But really, the whole Villi Fualaau thing is not such an anomaly. It's the women that "go there" that are weird.

At 11:55 AM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

While I agree that this frightening looking woman is far from Stacey's mom, you have to think about the mindset of these kids at that age. When you're between the ages of say 14-16, most male adolescents want to hump everything in sight. The opportunity to fornicate with an actual human female rarely presents itself at this age, so most kids wouldn't think twice about it, regardless of how much this woman looks like she did the 50-yard dash in a 40-yard gym. I, myself, probably wouldn't have turned it down at that age, especiallyif I were drunk.

Don't get me wrong, what she did was awful and she should go to jail. But obviously, she's no looker, and I am sure her opportunities to participate in some naked love were few and far between as well. I didn't look to see if she was married, but if she were, her husband was probably turning her down as well. She was opportunistic, you have to give her that.

At 12:00 PM, Blogger ethan said...

oh ace. you had me at Gross Slut Who Likes Teencock.

At 12:12 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah, I guess you kind of have to put yourself in the mindset of a horned up, boozing 16-year-old kid on meth. Still, I'm not sure I buy it.

As for the woman, watch that interview I linked to, she is so clearly confused about herself that it almost -- ALMOST -- makes you feel for her. I often feel sympathy for perpetrators, but this one especially. She talks about how girls who sleep around are sluts and guys are studs -- she clearly has NO IDEA what she did was wrong. She's just messed up. I'm not saying it makes it right, but she needs more than just jail, this boycock gobbler needs serious help. Hoobs, get on it, both sexually and psychologically.

And VulvaBruce, I hear ya, but no matter how great that meth, I'm just not sure. Maybe the mom basically had an orgasm on the couch on some good E like someone circa 2000 and the kids dug it...you know what I mean.

Gypsy, I blame you for all this.

At 12:30 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

I blame myself too. But I would like to state for the record that I:

1) Am cuter than the "cool mom."


2) Do not like teenage dork... that I know of.

At 12:40 PM, Blogger hoobs said...

that interview is incredibly interesting diagnostically. she clearly has narcissistic and borderline traits, which has clouded her perspective of reality. she starts off angry at the world for double standards, but then shows a brief vulnerability when she talks about how she never was popular when younger and so on. her "cool mom" status seems to have filled the loneliness and self-hate that she probably feels. if i had to guess, she has quite possibly been abandoned by a number of people in her life. unconsciously, she probably knew this relationship with a 15 year old would end in danger and turmoil, thus perpetuating the hurt and abandonment she expects in relationships. Interestingly, once she shows this vulnerabilit, it is too frightening to her, and she reverts back to antisocial and narcissistic defenses, talking about driving a fast car etc.
anyway, i agree with everyone's assertions that she, as an adult, is responsible and that there is no excuse for her behavior. characterologically, however, one can feel some empathy for her possible state to despair. this is all speculation though, and it is hard to tell too much from a 2 minute interview.

At 12:45 PM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

Concerning the Magic Johnson- AIDS story...

While I was in the military, we frequently had to sit through STD awareness classes, as a 19 year old Marine was likely to stick his dick just about anywhere. Since I am actually a decent human being who has always had some assemblance of "standards" I would normally feel no need to pay attention during these classes and was forced to find ways to entertain myself. At the end of one of the classes, my brain started ratteling and I decided to ask the doctor, "What ever happened to Magic Johnson having AIDS? Was that whole thing just a hoax perpatrated by FOX so everyone would watch 'Arsenio Hall's The Truth About AIDS?'"

The doc, who luckily was a good sport, took my querey seriously and responded, "Magic had very low leves of HIV which easily were destroyed by modern medicines, He was never in any real danger to develop seriously into AIDS."

With that, I was simultaniously happy that I finally had closure in the Magic-AIDS saga, yet pissed that I had been duped into the drama to begin with.

And, yes, I realize how funny it is that someone named "Magic Johnson" beat HIV.

At 12:45 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

I've spent the last 5 minutes trying to pronounce "characterologically". Accoring to Dictionary.com, that's not a real word. However, I give you full credit for making it up as it makes sense in the context you are speaking in. Kudos bar to you, Hoobs. Please excuse me while I try to untie my tongue.

At 12:52 PM, Blogger hoobs said...

i beg to differ. characterologically is a word, though maybe not by dictionary.com standards. "characterological disorders" i spoken of heavily in psychoanalytic literature. check miriam-webster online; it is there.

At 1:17 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

I stand corrected. here is the definition. Still trying to figure out how to say it without sounding like a douche. I may try to work it into everyday conversation too.

At 1:33 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

Hopefully not sporadically.

Seriously though, I often get the sense that child predators don’t “get” the ramifications of what they’ve done.

After they’re caught, you always hear them talk about I wanted this, I wanted that or in this case “I wanted to be cool.” It’s as if they don’t “get” that their victim is, for sure, going to be telling their therapist about this in 10 years.

Are they all sociopaths unable to feel empathy? Are they pathologically self absorbed? Or is society failing to get the message out that it’s not just sex?

I know it’s not cool for boys to admit psychological fall-out from something like that. But there must be? Right, Hoobs? You seem to know what you are talking about.

At 1:40 PM, Blogger hoobs said...

sociopaths are a strange phenomenon. a lot of them don't feel any remorse, and seem unable to have the capacity for empathy. then again, you do see some who become less pathological as time goes by. i think you're right though, gypsy, there is always some fallout in some way, whether we can see it or not. in terms of it being society's failure or individuals themselves, i think it is difficult to tell and probably an integration.
anyway, gotta go...ironically to go work with stalkers and domestic abusers.

At 2:05 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

We should have a segment around here called "The Almost Doctor is In with JB Hoobs." I bet that would be a big ratings driver.

Fritz, that's a good story with Magic...my question is, why isn't that bigger news? I'm a news junkie and I've never heard that explanation. Is The Man just trying to keep us down? Damn the Man.

Hey, Ms. Mullins, you're the man.

At 2:10 PM, Blogger ahren said...

this woman should be awarded a medal.

all they did today was weaken a country.

At 2:14 PM, Blogger brucey mcbruce said...

hey ace, you leave the couch out of this.

At 2:20 PM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

I think that the media got so hoodwinked and bamboozled by the whole magic thing that they just let it slide now.

I'm not saying it was a sham, but...um...I can't think of another way to finish this sentence.

At 3:29 PM, Blogger offpeak34 said...

good point on the "cool mom" thing. at first i was thinking that she'd probably be kinda hot, because so far the teachers who have gotten caught banging students are all pretty good looking females.

i like the robert randolph selections for the day. i actually met him last week backstage at a santana show. he said he's recording a new ablum right now and will be going out on tour sometime around january or february. i've been looking forward to some new material and a tour from him for a while, should be great!

At 3:56 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Line of the day:

"this woman should be awarded a medal.

all they did today was weaken a country."

Man, I'm a sucker for Nathan R. Jessup-speak.

At 9:36 PM, Blogger The Disenchanted Moderate said...

Any mom I have sex with after going on a three day coke bender is cool in my book. Especially if she is buying the blow.


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