Monday, November 21, 2005

I Saw That Movie, Too

True shock and horror swept much of the country after at least three high school football players were paralyzed or killed when they lied down in the middle of the highway, emulating a foolish scene from The Program, only to be struck by moving vehicles.

The reactionaries responded by deleting the tempting scene from the movie, and every copy of the film that's been sold or rented since has been abridged by stupidity.

Now I'm predicting the same thing may happen again after the latest life-imitating-art copycat mistake. Go out and buy your copy of Mannequin now, because it may never look the same again.

Police last week caught an 18-year-old South Dakota kid cozying up to a store mannequin...and perhaps the two got a little too cozy:

"The guard observed [Michael] Plentyhorse with his pants and underclothing down and lying next to the half-naked female mannequin, a police report states.

'There was inappropriate activity between him and the mannequin. That’s the only way I know how to put it,' Sioux Falls police officer Loren McManus said.

Security staff at the Pavilion say they have noticed the same mannequin has previously been found undressed on several occasions, McManus said." [More]
There's not much you can say after reading that story. There aren't many answers, only more questions: Like, do people use the word "underclothing" at all? Is this guy's last name really Plentyhorse? How far away was Hollywood and his cool glasses at the time? If this happens again for a sequel, will they replace Plentyhorse with the guy from Herman's Head? And lastly, did Captain Harris find them mid-coitus and say, "You are one...sick...puppy"?

18 Comments:

At 2:42 PM, Blogger dhodge said...

Make sure that this guy never comes to Buffalo.

 
At 3:00 PM, Blogger brucey mcbruce said...

I wonder if Starship's "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" was playing in the background?

 
At 3:02 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

Let me be the first to say, Dhodge, that at least it wasn't a pearl necklace.

Because it's funnier coming from a woman, right? Or more gross? Whichever. Whatever.

Poor mannequin boy. If he'd just screwed an apple pie on his kitchen counter, nobody would've known.

 
At 3:05 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

There it is, Brucey...that's the joke I was missing. Kudos bar.

Also, I think this might be the first post in Slack history to feature two different women sounding off in the comments section. It's a Boys Club no more.

 
At 3:21 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

If you could get Abby to come back it'd be like a Melissa Ethridge concert/convention in here.

 
At 3:25 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Oh right, my bad, there have been Gypsy/Abby crossovers. Gypsy, always lookin' out, that's why we like you.

 
At 3:26 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

You are so right Gypsy, more right than you know.

 
At 3:34 PM, Blogger ethan said...

ace, i think jake just called you a lesbian.

 
At 3:44 PM, Blogger abby said...

Gypsy, are you coming to my window? And while we're having this girly convention, how is your baby?

 
At 3:52 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

See. Ace gots women all over da place.

My baby is wonderful Abby. He is the cutest thing ever.

 
At 3:58 PM, Blogger abby said...

I had a feeling he would be, Gypsy.

Now, if we could get my friend the Mad Hatter to comment, it would be like Lilith Fair.

 
At 4:01 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

Thanks Abby.

Sorry to hijack comments section, Ace.

Back to mannequin f*cking... Sometimes necessary? Or just plain wrong? Discuss.

 
At 4:09 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah, no more of this Oprah shit...let's get back to this wannabe Andy McCarthy and his shedding of the underclothing.

you guys ever go to MannequinFuckers.com? I masturbate to some of those ladies nightly.

 
At 4:09 PM, Blogger MDS said...

I saw The Program with dhodge, and fortunately we saw it the night it came out so we saw the director's cut. I've never understood how the studio made that decision. I mean, presumably they won't cut sex scenes or drug scenes or murder scenes from their movies the first time someone complains that those scenes are being copied.

 
At 4:36 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

Question of the day: Andrew McCarthy and the Mannequin are in the middle of hot, dirty sex. Some event occurrs that causes the mannequin to turn from her human form back into a mannequin at, let's call it, and inopportune moment.

What are the results for McCarthy? What does he tell the EMTs when they show up?

 
At 4:43 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

Where do you think the term woody originates from, Paul.

Dchya ever think about that?

 
At 4:45 PM, Blogger hoobs said...

mccarthy would either have a plastic figure attached to his midsection, or perhaps his manhood would be taken back to ancient egypt, where i believe the mannequin was born...
if ems came, he would definitely have to explain he was just trying to put the "man" into "mannequin."

 
At 11:28 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Hoobs, that's a pretty good one. Very Hoobs.

 

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