Just a Few Links
Still recovering from Monday night's Hilarious Halloween Hijinx, so this morning you're just getting some links from me. And like Spaulding Smails, you'll like 'em (I think that's my default links intro, easily the third or fourth time I've used it):
1. You may remember Scooter Libby as the Republican asshat that special prosecutor (and mid-90s Northwestern linebacker) Pat Fitzgerald indicted on five counts last week. But none of you probably remember this uber-conservative as the author of a 1996 book called The Apprentice, which contains the following passage about bestiality and child prostitution:
"At age ten the madam put the child in a cage with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons. They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest."
Our friend Shakespeare's Sister has the best take on the rest of this tale, a story full of homoeroticism, incest and a slew of other scatological terms. God bless The New Yorker for digging this up. Oh, and if you're curious, you can buy a copy for $1.99 on Amazon.
2. A friend of mine asked me why I didn't write anything about Cashman doppelganger Theo Epstein leaving the Red Sawx. The answer is simple: I'm not entirely qualified to speak on the subject, but even if I were, you know the Sports Guy is going to write a 10,000-word opus on the subject, and that's something you shouldn't try to compete against.
And I was right, he sure did. Not only did he write a long piece, he even Adaptationed it up and put himself right in the middle of story. Still, this is a really good read...
3. The other day I linked to "the silliest headline ever" on ESPN: "Dick to replace Johnson vs. Gamecocks." But around the blogosphere and the rest of the Internets, people picked up on this headline and giggled like schoolgirls, much like I did, and much like you did.
One day later, the folks at ESPN changed it to this: "Untested freshman gets nod vs. Gamecocks." Booooo. Not nearly as good, fellas. Shame on the worldwide leader.
I would have gone the other way with it -- "Virgin Dick grabs balls from limp Johnson vs. hardened Gamecocks." I win.
4. Whoooa, way to go Denver. The Mile High City, an apt nickname as you'll see, voted to legalize the possession of up to an ounce of marijuana for adults over 21. Finally, a city's drug laws make sense! I don't even know what to make of this...
5. Memo to Yahoo Sports -- before publishing photos like the one below, you might want to consider checking the Urban Dictionary or getting someone younger on your staff who knows what this stuff means. I mean, the picture on the poster wasn't a clue?!
Slack Anniversary of the Day: On this day seven years ago, the popular rock band Phish took the stage in a virtually empty arena in West Valley, Utah and suprised the patchouli-stinkin' crowd with a full rendition of Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon album. The best part of this show? Even without the hour-long cover, this concert would have been spectacular! The Tube > Tube jam > Drowned is simply off the charts. If you've got a copy of this beauty, throw it in today. If not, I can't help you out. As they say in Canada, "Sooory."
Slack Song of the Day: The Year of Our Lord 2005 has been good for my budding relationship with Bruce Hornsby. We talk on the phone, we go for long walks on the beach, I write my posts while he tickles the ivories. Well, not that kind of relationship, I guess, but I haven't gone a week this year without throwing in some Bruce and marveling at the brilliance and ease with which he plays his grand piano. This man is a true virtuoso, a comedian, a genius...THE MAN.
So here's some free Bruce from his 10-night run at Yoshi's in Oakland back in November 1998 -- if you're strapped for time, just listen to The Way It Is...that might be the best version of all-time, just a sickening display of musicianship (including a great solo from Steve Kimock):
The Way It Is*
Man Smart Woman Smarter
*w/ Steve Kimock
**w/ Steve Kimock and Phil Lesh