Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Quick Linkage

1. In a crazy turn of events, Chiefs' running back Priest Holmes may announce his retirement as early as this week, according to Kansas City's NBC Action News team. This may be a big story, but I'm more blown away that the scoop's title is "NBC Action News Sports Director."

JH: Hi, I'm Jack Harry.
Stranger: Nice to meet you Jack, what do you do?
JH: Oh, I'm the sports director over at NBC Action News.
Stranger: What's that?
JH: I'm the NBC Action News sports director.
Stranger: Go fuck yourself.

2. Noonan's got a couple of swell little links over at his nook today. If you haven't seen this week's Family Guy, and you didn't TiVo it, make sure to check out this FCC song they performed. But seriously, try to see this show if you haven't already -- the Osama bit that started the show is Classico pasta sauce.

Also, apparently Cracked Magazine is still in existence (flash back to elementary school), and they've put together a somewhat funny parody of It's really only funny because of the Skip Bayless dig, but that's worth it right there.

3. Here's a hilarious note from last night's Pistons/Kings game in Sac-Town: "When the Detroit Pistons were introduced before Tuesday night's game, the Arco Arena scoreboard flashed images of abandoned buildings, burned-out cars - nearly every outdated, offensive stereotype of their hometown."

Players and coaches alike expressed outrage at the move, and the Kings promptly apologized for their actions. I don't know what's worse, the fact that people are angry at something so monumentally clever or that the Kings felt compelled to issue a half-hearted apology. I think we need more of this in professional sports, not less. It's part of the home-field advantage, or at least it should be.

How great would it be if you went to the Jets/Dolphins game and they showed a montage of old Jews sending back soup and Cubans rafting onto the shore. Or if the New Orleans Hornets came to MSG, we could show colored folks stranded on their rooves, looters pillaging the stores, topless drunken white chicks puking in the corner, all to songs off Dylan and The Band's Before the Flood.

The possibilities are absolutely endless. I'm tellin' ya, we need to make sports a lot more like Baseketball.

4. This story is too good not to be re-printed in full: "Compelling explanations: Neelesh Phadnis, 24, acting as his own lawyer, earned himself a conviction in Seattle in October for killing his parents, in large part (according to a Seattle Times story) because of his defense that the crimes were committed by, first, a gang of 400-pound Samoans, later augmented during his testimony to include their girlfriends, two whites, two blacks, a Native American and a transsexual, and later still, to be described as more than 30 armed Samoans." [More]

Samoaaaans, do the humpty hump, c'mon and do the humpty hump.

5. Bartolo Colon won the AL Cy Young Award? Really, that fat shit? This was Mariano's award to win, and I'll leave it at that. Look at his year. Mo was robbed like Pettitte in '96.


At 11:49 AM, Blogger dhodge said...

As a native of the Detroit area, I would argue that abandoned buildings and burned-out cars are hardly an outdated stereotype of Detroit. The question is how can the Pistons stick it to Sacramento next time they come to the Palace? How do you dis on a city that no one has ever visited?

At 12:23 PM, Anonymous handstand said...

Have you seen Jayson Stark's take on the AL Cy Young? He makes some damn impressive points as to why Johan Santana should have won it.

At 12:29 PM, Blogger MDS said...

If the voters knew what they were doing, it would've been a close vote between Mark Buehrle and Johan Santana. But they don't, so it wasn't.

At 12:34 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

So no Mo fans? Sweet.

I read Stark's column...he's a convincing guy sometimes. But I still say Mo.

At 12:48 PM, Blogger ethan said...

i think the cy young needs a clearer definition - you can have some writers voting for the most dominant pitcher, others voting for the guy that carried his team the most (i.e mvpitcher), etc.

i think rivera best fits both descriptions though, so i am surprised he didn't win.

At 1:15 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

or, I don't know, say when the Panthers visit the Pats, they show three car trunks on the Jumbotron and you have to pick the trunk that holds the Lombardi trophy. The other two trunks have murderers hiding in them. Ohhh, and whenever the BlueJays come to Yankee Stadium, they can flash pictures of beer drinking morons ice-fishing while saying "Eh" and a healthcare system that takes care of all its citizens.

At 2:07 PM, Blogger ethan said...

jake, that trunk idea is fantastic. simply gRAEt.

At 2:20 PM, Blogger Russell Kahn said...

I would have voted for Mo, but I think I've officially given up on giving a shit about these awards.

How in the world did Colon destroy Santana in the voting? Check out the stats. The only category Santana didn't dominate Bartolo was wins. Johan had 5 fewer wins. But he had a MUCH better ERA, ratio, more IP, K, etc... It's just plain stupid...

At 2:59 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...


Assholes vote for Colon!

At 3:07 PM, Blogger TJ in OH said...

I'm the only one that laughed out loud on the Digital Underground reference?

At 3:30 PM, Blogger dhodge said...

The D.U. reference was hillarious. I miss (intentionally) comedic rap music.

At 3:41 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Best hippity hop song of all time. Nothing beats the Humpty Dance. Nothing.

Thanks, TJ.

At 4:40 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

Ace, aren't you actually the one that said "just grab 'em in the biscuits"?

At 5:06 PM, Blogger MDS said...

I was actually thinking of how I could work in a "I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom" reference to the Carolina Panthers' cheerleaders story, but I came up empty.


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