Monday, November 28, 2005

We're All Fat-Asses

Finally, here's an answer for the next time your wife or girlfriend asks you, "Does this make my butt look big?"

You still may end up in the doghouse, but feel free to retort, "I don't know, I think the skirt does, but let's find out for real...let me stick my needle in and see if it hits the muscle."

As if anecdotal evidence weren't enough, it appears as if our fat asses are growing fatter than ever in an empirical sense. Now researchers are taking it one step further -- they're calling for longer needles to actually reach the buttock muscles, since most of the injections don't reach their desired target.

Fatter rear ends are causing many drug injections to miss their mark, requiring longer needles to reach buttock muscle, researchers said on Monday.

Standard-sized needles failed to reach the buttock muscle in 23 out of 25 women whose rears were examined after what was supposed to be an intramuscular injection of a drug.

Two-thirds of the 50 patients in the study did not receive the full dosage of the drug, which instead lodged in the fat tissue of their buttocks, researchers from The Adelaide and Meath Hospital in Dublin said in a presentation to the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America. [More]
There's a new nickname or expression brewing's not perfected yet, but I'm working on something. Next time you see a girl with a nice face but a big ass, you can say something like, "She's a long-needle" or "Cute face, dude, but your needle ain't big enough."

That's not it, I clearly don't have it yet. It's close, though. Ideas are percolating. I need a room full of stoned kids to help me think this one all the way through. Check back next week.

Bonus Numbered Linkage
1. This one's kind of the anti-Snow White: "A 15-year-old girl with a peanut allergy died after kissing her boyfriend, who had just eaten a peanut butter snack, hospital officials said."

2. This story is too good to be true. I always knew the Hamburglar looked familiar:

"Two employees have been charged with trying to steal money from the Wendy's Restaurant in Manchester, New Hampshire early Monday morning. Police say one of them is Ronald MacDonald - no relation to Ronald McDonald, the clown."

3. Barney Meets 2Pac...what a wonderful kids' show indeed.

4. Here are a couple from Andy Gadiel's site: The first is a video of this year's Yo Yo champion, the second is a make-your-own South Park character (with an annoying pop-up you need to close).

5. Gotta love a good college football rivalry: the chants, the taunts, the horse's really a thing of beauty. Beautious indeed.


At 4:22 PM, Blogger Trix said...

How about...

"Nice face, dude, but she's too big for a prick."

Just a thought.

At 5:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the South Park link. I guess I can spend the next few hours painstakingly creating cartoon versions of my family, friends, co-workers...maybe even the entire 25 man roster of the 2005 Cincinnati Reds:


At 5:17 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Ha, good stuff on that Reds link...

And Trix, I think you're onto something. Warmer.

At 5:41 PM, Blogger ethan said...

i'd appreciate if you could somehow work "needle nose ned" into the comment.

At 5:43 PM, Blogger Trix said...

"Injection" - Synonyms: inoculation, dose, shot, vaccination, booster, jab
Synonyms: addition, instillation, insertion, introduction, infusion, instillment

"Inject" - Synonyms: vaccinate, inoculate, shoot up, insert, give a jab, give a shot
Synonyms: bring, add, introduce, instill, infuse

There's got to be SOMETHING there!

At 2:12 AM, Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

Deep Fat Pizza. Funny post, dude.


Post a Comment

<< Home