Monday, November 28, 2005

You Smoke Crack, Samms?

I'm sure by now you've heard that former Cowboys receiver and current ESPN waste-of-seat Michael Irvin was busted with a pipe for smoking drugs during a traffic stop. Not surprisingly, the Playmaker used the "Denny Defense" from Meet the Parents.

Officer: Playmaker, how's the car driving?
Irvin: Officer, uh--
Officer: What's that?
Irvin: It...It's a sculpture I found in my buddy's jacket.
Officer: This isn't a sculpture, Michael. This is a device for smoking drugs.
Irvin: Really? It's not mine. It's not.

I'm sure #88 heard it loud and clear from the ESPN brass, although if they can't prove the piece is his, I guess he won't be fired. Still, I hope they read him the network's handy riot act: "Did I not clearly explain the circle of trust to you, Michael? See, if I can't trust you, Irvin, then I have no choice but to put you right back outside the circle. And once you're out, you're out. There's no coming back."

I'm still somewhat shocked by the recent verdict to the unfortunate T.O. saga from the court of public opinion. It's understandable to dislike a selfish and greedy millionaire, but with the exception of wanting attention and running his yap, T.O. is comparatively a model citizen who always came to practice with a mean streak and who desperately wanted to win on Sundays.

He has no arrest record, no history of anything but mouthing off to the media. And wouldn't you know it, with all the Leonard Littles running around, and all the guys like Michael Irvin in the sport's recent past, T.O. is the worst thing that ever happened to football. I say until they kick out the real d-bags, I won't move to indict Owens so quickly on general principle.

I really dislike Irvin. There's just no reason he's gainfully employed. None at all. It's insulting, actually. I see this as ESPN's chance to cut its losses and release the guy while they still can. My question is, can we plant some drugs or a pipe in Stu Scott's car, too? Hatah in the hizzouse! Hollah at a playa if you see him in the unemployment line! After that, we're goin' for Shannon Sharpe.

More sports: What a weekend for New York sports, some good, some bad. The Knicks and Rangers both won overtime thrillers in the Garden on Saturday, while the Giants and Jets got on their knees blew their close games with crazy finishes on Sunday.

The Knicks win was nuttier than squirrel turds, but it didn't even compare to the Rangers victory. On the 30th skater of an overtime shootout, defensemen Marek Malik, who had all of zero goals this season, made one of the best one-on-none moves hockey's ever seen and scored over Olie the Goalie's stick-hand shoulder.

Please, even if you don't like hockey, check out this goal. And remember, keep in mind this guy had no goals this season and he was the 30th shooter of the day!

Slack Song of the Day: I couldn't let moe. come into town for two shows at the Roseland and not attend one of them. So my roommate whacked up an extra ticket for me and off I went to meet someone random for the swap. Easy as pie.

Once inside, I met up with my buddy Russ and his many friends on the VIP balcony and we watched the band from overhead. I've never been the biggest moe. fan in the world, but I certainly enjoy them. And this weekend, they really brought it to NYC. Holy jeez, did they ever. There were a few spacey moments in the first set, but other than those, the band was on fire.

They nailed covers of Evil Woman and Little Wing, rocked out Arms Akimbo and The Road to start the show, perfected a Recreational Chemistry to close the first set, started off the second set hot and closed beautifully with my second favorite moe. tune, Plane Crash. As if the Gods were smiling upon me, they then encored with the moe. song I enjoy most, Rebubula.

I hadn't seen them since the Tsunami Relief show with Trey and Medeski back in February, when they abbsolutely rocked my socks right off. I left sockless. So it's only fitting today's Song of the Day would come from that show.

Make sure you listen to this Plane Crash -- it features John Medeski and a five-minute jam that's virtually untouchable. This really might be 10 of the greatest minutes I've ever heard live, by any group of musicians. Also, check out the spectacular Rebubula that started that show and the euphoric Peaches en Regalia.

Slack AOL Celebrity Chat of the Day: Russ sent this over my way last night, and I'm still not sure whether I can tell for certain what's going on here. Is this thing real? If so, I am basically without speech. This is definitely not a must-read Trey interview.

7 Comments:

At 11:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, KimInMusic is some kind of KimTheMoron. I expect more from AOL's editorial music team. She is a Phish fan though -- her "sweeping the nation" line struck me as a wink-wink inside joke on the Meatstick dance. She just can't interview for shit :-$.
Also, will Michael mention the arrest tonight on MN Countdown? Even money says no.

 
At 11:57 AM, Blogger Trix said...

Thank you for the "Circle of Trust" reference. I was having a shit day until I read that! Hope you had a happy holiday!

 
At 12:12 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

Jeez, that's one of the best and ballsiest moves that I've ever seen in a shootout. Especially from a guy who hasn't scored.

How do you whip that out in a clutch situation? Isn't that like Shaq taking an underhanded (pottyshot) freethrow to win a game?

There were a lot of great endings this weekend, but that was pretty flippin' sweet.

 
At 12:16 PM, Blogger Russell Kahn said...

No love for my "Plane Crash is now acceptable to perform in New York because the tsunami has overtaken it as the tragedy du jour" joke?

Fine.

 
At 12:35 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Russ, I thought about it, but I didn't feel right either stealing it or quoting you. I figured you'd put it in the comments, albeit I figured you'd do it nicer. Good line, though. And seriously, how sick is that Medeski-led Plane Crash? He's like Atta.

As for the penalty shot, I have no idea how you break that out right there...but in truth, you might as well, right? No goals all year, 30th shooter in the shootout, might as well reach into the ol' bag of tricks and see what flies. Big fan of that Malik goal, that's right up there with Mike Legg's wrap-around goal
for Michigan from behind the net and Stephane Matteau's series-winner vs. the Devils in 94 for greatest goal I've ever seen. I really love that Mike Legg goal.

Trix, any time. Movie lines beat original thought any day.

--KimTheMoron

 
At 1:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure that you don't have to plant anything on Stu Scott- don't they all succumb to it eventually? Sports reporters, that is...

 
At 5:36 PM, Blogger offpeak34 said...

happy thanksgiving all...check out this sweet hockey goal that combines malik's and legg's moves, it's absolutely amazing:
http://www.break.com/articles/amazinggoal.html

 

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