Monday, December 12, 2005

Bad Idea Jeans: Bank Robbery

Obviously not content with breaking the law in a manner akin to the rest of the college kids in America (e.g. drug-dealing, sexual assault, contributing to the delinquency of minors), the 19-year-old president of his class at Lehigh University has been arrested for robbing a bank:

"A college student from Ohio who was elected president of his class at Lehigh University has been arrested on charges that he robbed a Pennsylvania bank. Authorities say 19-year-old Greg Hogan handed a note to a teller at a Wachovia Bank Friday afternoon in Allentown. The note indicated he had a weapon and wanted money. Hogan faces robbery and theft charges. Police say he got away with nearly 29-hundred dollars.

Police picked up the sophomore at his fraternity house Friday evening. He's being held on 100-thousand dollars bail. His father, the Reverend Gregory Hogan, is the pastor of First Baptist Church of Barberton in suburban Akron. Gregory Hogan also has served as a city councilman in Seven Hills near Cleveland."

Lehighi's a good school, and if this kid were truly smart, he'd know not to commit serious crimes that can land him in jail for years.

Greg...buddy...breaking up a pound of sticky dope for re-sale on university campus will probably warrant no more than a treatment and counciling class or two, the cops can't really prove something like date rape without a vial of GHB and pissing in the street is only a small fine. These are the crimes you want to be focusing on in college. Bank robbery, that's just plain silly.

I also want to note for the record here that this article is about as well-written as the fake newspaper I wanted to circulate around town as a seven-year-old. What writer-editor combo in the developed world actually publishes the phrases "nearly 29-hundred dollars" and "He's being held on 100-thousand dollars bail" like that?

C'mon, Channel 33 News, you're better than that. I'd also like to note the lead anchor of Channel 33's news team is Stan Boney. Just sayin'.

(Here's some more info on the robbery suspect from the Allentown Morning Call, which makes up for a sub-par lede with some good reporting on the kid's background and life at school.)


At 1:27 PM, Blogger MDS said...

In fairness, although "29-hundred dollars" and "100-thousand dollars" aren't AP style, the copy on a TV news channel's Web site is often the exact same thing they feed into the TelePrompTer, and it's written like that to tell the anchors how they should read it, since a TV news anchor can't be expected to look at a one followed by five zeros and know immediately what number that is.

Bank robbery, I've read, is about the least profitable of all crimes in that you're much more likely to get caught robbing a bank than you are to get caught stealing from just about anywhere else. Unlike robberies at liquor stores, the FBI gets involved at bank robberies, and the FBI is a lot better at catching people than local cops are.

At 1:45 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

You're right, actually. Jeez, that's embarassing. It's almost as if I've never seen TV news copy, too, not working in television and all. Crap!

Well, for the web they should still make it read more like regular copy. I'll stand by that.

At 1:53 PM, Blogger ethan said...

yeah robbing banks is not too bright, especially if you're happy to score ~3 grand. at least if you knock off a grocery store you can get some huggies while you're at it.

do these balloons come in funny shapes?

yeah, if you think round's funny.

At 6:12 PM, Blogger 20SomethingMe said...

If you saw the kids that went to this uber-preppy, snobby, rich kid school, you would think this kid was smoking some serious crack as well!


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