Monday, February 27, 2006

This Just In...

For immediate release:

"Just before his departure from Torino's Winter Olympics, Bode Miller skinned three family cats, kicked a homeless septagenarian down the steps, spit gobs of phlegm at a tour group of 'slow children' and stabbed as few as two and as many as five pregnant Italian ladies with a rusty shiv covered in hepatitis.

And while unconfirmed to this reporter as of press time, Miller may have single-handedly ignited the looming civil war in Iraq by bombing a mosque and telling some Shiite clerics that the Sunnis stink-fingered all their women objects."

Are we done villifying this guy yet? Good lord, I think if he entered a post-Olympics Snowboard Cross race against Osama bin Laden the whole country would be rooting for Bode to fall and break an ankle.

In a bit of real breaking news, it looks like Bullets McCheney will be stepping down shortly after the midterm elections. You heard it here first, say hello to Vice President George Allen.

4 Comments:

At 6:00 PM, Blogger Kevin said...

Thusly the life of a sports reporter...build someone up so you can tear them down..lets them double their articles and helps with job security.

This has Jason Mulgrew written all over it...notice the timelines and how this all fell into place. Me thinks this was his first "script".

 
At 6:07 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

i love the parallels between bode and cheney: both pompous asses; bode shoots off his mouth/dick shoots retirees; both shave their junk. separated at birth!

 
At 10:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No chance it's Allen. Bush (and by Bush I mean Rove) is too smart - even if he likes Allen and that's where the conservative votes will go - he can't be so blatant about playing favorites. If he does this, his legislative agenda (or lack thereof if you ask me) is shot for the last 2 years. All of the congressmen (McCain, Tancredo, Hagel and I could go on) running for prez and all their supporters will bottle up anything bush wants to do.

 
At 11:32 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

" All of the congressmen (McCain, Tancredo, Hagel and I could go on) running for prez and all their supporters will bottle up anything bush wants to do."

Ordinarily I'd say good point and agree with you, but after the ports deal, and considering the latest polls have the prez's approval at 34%, I'd say they're gonna do that anyway now.

 

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