Tuesday, March 14, 2006

I Hear the Train a Comin'...

"On a warm springtime evenin', came a train bound for nowhere
I met up with a deaf girl, and I watched her get destroyed.
The train's horn was soundin', but my darlin' couldn't hear it
It's sad she got run over, that's how Miss Deaf Texas died." -K. Rogers

"The reigning Miss Deaf Texas died after being struck by a train, officials said. Tara Rose McAvoy, 18, was walking Monday near railroad tracks when she was struck by a Union Pacific train, authorities said. A witness told Austin television station KTBC the train sounded its horn right up until the accident occurred."

I know, this kind of shit makes me a bad person -- cold, crass and tasteless in every sense of those words. But you're laughing too (admit it, at least at the "the train sounded its horn right up until the accident occurred" line), and this makes you a bad human as well.

But, in truth, society needs this unmitigated, crude and cruel brand of humor to break people up in times of need and worry, in times of tragedy and crisis. Humor as a defense mechanism is a classy broad. This is why I offer my services to the general public in the wake of Miss Deaf Texas' death. May the gods have mercy on both our souls.

I have two questions about things that don't add up: 1) Wouldn't you stay off the tracks if you can't hear the train? 2) Even if you're deaf, can't you feel the train coming? I'm not calling for an investigation here, but something sounds a bit off, and I can hear it.

Update: Turns out, she was text messaging at the time the train struck her. Likely deaf text messaging.

16 Comments:

At 12:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Gambler must have some ESP. More than just a great beard.

 
At 12:12 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

No, he just wrote it. It's like his Elton John "Candle in the Wind" for Princess Diana.

 
At 12:15 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

I'd be suspicous of the Miss Deaf Texas Runner-Up. Don't doubt the allure of the hearing-impaired tiara. I hear it's beautiful, but the Miss Deaf Texas competitors surely don't.

 
At 12:47 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

I'm kind of surprised that there is still a Miss Deaf Texas competition at all.

What with the PC police shutting down the Miss Clubbed Foot and the Miss Cleft Palate competition.

 
At 1:08 PM, Blogger Jacob Eli said...

Are you sure she wasn't Miss Helen Keller Texas winner? Cause I'm pretty sure you can SEE a train when it's coming at you.

That's some Mystery Train right there, comin' down the line...

 
At 1:20 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

That song is just way to apropos for this situation. For instance:

"I've made a life out of reading people's faces"

"The night got deathly (deafly) quiet"

"Know when to walk away, know when to run"

"Now every gambler knows, that the secret to survivin', is knowing what to throw away, and knowin when to get the fuck out of the way of a speeding train. Every hands a winner and every hands a loser. And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep, instead of being smeared across 50 yards of steel track"

 
At 1:53 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Good lord...I'd really be shocked if Slack LaLane didn't have the funniest bunch of insensitive jerks on the Interweb.

As a non-sequitor, I think it would be fantastic if there was a main character on television or in a movie that was deaf but whose catchphrase was "I hear ya." And not in a regular way, but in a Sally Ruth from Voyage of the Mimi way (if you don't get that reference, you can sub in any Marlee Matlin character).

I just think that would be funny.

 
At 2:45 PM, Blogger Kenny Alias said...

Personally, I think it was a suicide. She obviously couldn't handle the pressure of being the deafest girl in Texas.

 
At 2:49 PM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

Voyage of the Mimi. I think i watched that in school in like second grade. All I can remember is a scene where the deaf woman ("Sally Ruth" apparently) was mixing a giant jar of peanut butter--the kind where the oil and the other stuff are seperated--and when the little boy asked her what it was, she said "peanut butter" in deaf speak and every kid in my class laughed our asses off. Deaf speaking "peanut butter" made for many more cruel lunchtime jokes after that. Kids are such dicks.

 
At 3:27 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Danny, want your mind to be blown? that little boy was Ben Affleck.

I know, craisins.

 
At 3:39 PM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

Ho-lee-shit. You're right. The second you said it I could picture that little bastard. His name was like "C.T." or something like that in the show, right? I know it was initials.

 
At 3:44 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

Those gradeschool films aimed at promoting understanding between the normal children and 'the others' always ended up backfiring terribly. There's always a scene where all the normals watching get hysterical because the movies are way over the top - beating you in the head with the idea that if someone else is deaf, disabled or different in any way, that's okay and you shouldn't laugh at them even though we just showed a movie with 45 minutes of someone mispronouncing words and spazzing out that no one understands them or a kid in a wheelchair going door to door selling lightbulbs to god knows who, accidentally going off a curb, capsizing and flailing around like a fucking dolphin. And the same as with Noonan's story, there were kids asking each other every day if they wanted to buy some lightbulbs then cracking up at the question. I, of course, never made any such joke as even at that young age my humor was already far superior to jokes about trafficking lightbulbs. I was very busy making Corky Thacher jokes, screaming BECCA I LOVE YOU and then running face first into the closest wall.

 
At 3:46 PM, Blogger ScuffyMcgee said...

"At least we know what time the next train is coming"

 
At 6:00 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

bad joke #4080, u guys hear the one about the deaf girl getting hit by a train? neither did she.

 
At 8:35 PM, Blogger ismateo said...

poophopanonymous's joke was inappropriate! and by inappropriate I mean awesome times ten.

 
At 9:41 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Poophop, that's fucking great...welcome back, heckler.

 

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