Thursday, March 02, 2006

Iocane Powder Immunity

Anyone ever see that sadly compelling HBO movie "The Positively True Story of the Alleged Texas Cheerleading Murdering Mom"?

Well, move on over mommy and make room for this daddy: "A retired soldier is on trial in France on charges that he drugged the tennis rivals of his children 27 times from 2000 to 2003, a report said."

After drugging six of his sons opponents and 21 of his daughter's, Christophe Fauviau finally got caught when one of his son's rivals fell alseep and died in the car ride home after a match.

See, and all this time I thought the French were non-competitive surrendering cowards. But this guy makes Mary Pierce's father look like an estranged deadbeat. Ugh, you really can't be happy starting off the day with Mary Pierce jokes.

I'm sensing it's gonna be one of those days...

Slack Video of the Day: The world rejoiced last night after Duke's loss, a truly sad and pathetic state of affairs. As a Yankee fan, I understand why some people hate the Dookies -- it's easy to want to tear down the best from their pedestal. But I never understood why Yankee fans would ever hate Duke, seeing as how they're very similarly packaged franchises.

Anyway, here's a pretty funny cartoon Deputy Girardin dug up called Coach Kommercial, and I'm sure all the haters and the fluffers alike will enjoy this to no end.

Slack Link of the Day: Deargod, Gregg Watson, what are you doing? Why in the world would you take a complaint about a rub-n-tug parlor and actually investigate?! What a douchebottle. And, by the way, this transcrbed quotation is just fucking racist: "'Would you like your little friend massage too? He sleeping,' the masseur said." Good work, bigoted dipshits.

Slack Link of the Day II: Jacob Eli sent this over yesterday, a cool link to some before and after photos of airbrushed celebrities.

It sounds complicated, but it's not, so follow this -- go to this site, then click on "portfolio" and click on before/after. When you've selected a pic, hold down the "before" button to see what the shot looked like pre-photoshop. Do it.

Slack Song of the Day: Someone alerted me to an Israeli artist named Eyal Maoz yesterday. His latest ensemble, Edom, features Ace-favorite John Medeski on the B3 along with Shanir Blumenkranz on bass and Ben Perowsky on drums.

The group released a self-titled album recently, and the song playing on his website from that disc is off-the-charts incredible. I'd love to see these guys play this live...preferably at Tonic.

26 Comments:

At 11:05 AM, Blogger dhodge said...

As a former Austinite, I am both shocked and appalled that anyone in their right mind could mistake the Midnight Cowboy for a legitimate massage parlor.

 
At 11:21 AM, Blogger Trix said...

Are you sure his name wasn't "Vincini?"

 
At 11:35 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

That story bugs me for many, many reasons...I mean, seriously, who does it hurt if a guy wants a 60-minute massage and a 25-second handy? That ain't prostitution, it's a natural part of the massage. They go hand and hand, no pun intended. A girl putting her hands all over my scrumptuous body may be a massage, but it's sexual to some degree, and that should be considered prostitution right there. To me there's difference whether or not she makes a little semen-flavored licquor come out in the end.

 
At 11:40 AM, Blogger ethan said...

that before and after thing is fascinating. i like how they cut an entire side off of nicole ritchie.

 
At 11:41 AM, Blogger Boski93 said...

French Tennis Dad should have just gone all unemployed lave worker Gunther Parch on his kids rivals.

Hey I wish the French were non-competitive. But no, they have to have decent football team and crush the Republic of Ireland's hopes of getting into the World Cup. Screw you Henry, screw you Zidane. Screw you and your ability. But hey I not bitter or anything.

As for Duke, I don't hate them as much as I hate Billy Packard telling me how great they are and that if I don't love them then I am letting the terrorist win.

 
At 11:46 AM, Anonymous en regalia said...

but wait, i am totally unclear as to how this guy administered a sleeping drug or muscle relaxant (ed zachary what is Temesta?) to 27 people and they were unwitting? that to me does not make sense...how did he gain such access to these players? the dead kid was 25, not just falling off the slazenger truck. shoddy news reporting so far. i want deets about how this was administered. did he pretend to be giving them vitamins or crush it up and put it in their waterbottles or what? very wierd to me

 
At 11:52 AM, Blogger Jason said...

Love that retouching website (even though it doesn't seem to play nice with my Firefox). I can't believe they made Jessica Simpson's left boob smaller.

 
At 11:52 AM, Blogger Kenny Alias said...

Gregg Watson's next story:

A startling investigation into bars that offer patrons drinks after last call.

 
At 12:45 PM, Anonymous Scotty B said...

How dare you compare the Yankees and Duke. Duke has won 3 championships while the Yankees have 26. Joe Torre is class personified while Coach K is a douchebag.

Duke is a private rich kid institution where as the Yankees are the people's team who play in the Bronx.

 
At 12:48 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

All these comments are crackin' my shit up...we got one guy naming Monica Seles' stabber by name, and I absolutely love this line, ER:

"the dead kid was 25, not just falling off the slazenger truck."

Alias, I think he did that one already...he's onto his next story:

"A riveting expose of the lost productivity during the NCAA Tournament and the illegal gambling done on office grounds."

D-bottle to the max, yo!

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger ethan said...

scotty b -

i'm one of the many huge yanks fans around here, but to slam duke for being rich while calling the yanks a "people's team" is simply ludicrous. how can you infer that a team with a $185 payroll for 06 is not rich?

also, and this is a question to everyone, why is coach k considered a douche? up until mike dunleavy, i believe duke had not had a player leave early ever. and i'd imagine they have one of the higher graduation rates of all top tier college hoops teams. is he an ass just for making commercials? i don't get it.

 
At 1:07 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah, I'm with you, Ethan (although I think your facts are hazy -- Maggette and Avery both left early before Dunleavy)...

The Yanks aren't the people's team any more (nor really were they ever, save the few weeks after Thurman died and the few months after 9/11). They're considered rich, they stockpile talent, they're classy and get knocked for it, they enjoy a great home field advantage, people love to hate 'em and they have the biggest rivalries in the game -- these are all Duke qualities.

With these aspects and more, I think the two are nearly identical, with the obvious differences being inherent differences between pro and college sports. Coach K being a douchebottle is an arbitrary statement, just like saying Joe Torre is a DB, which many people do say.

I just don't see how a Yankee fan can hate Duke so much, I really can't.

 
At 1:14 PM, Anonymous en regalia said...

but then again, i just can't see how a fan of one jam band can be so vociferous about hating another jam band. i understand preferences, and disliking certain things (their vocals suck, if only they had a drummer who could count to three, whatever) but to dismiss one that is so derivative of what you love in another maketh little sense.

phish fans who think the dead suck always baffled me...and there are more than a few.

when you get into WSP fans who HATE phish, it is much more common.

boggles me grey matter

 
At 1:15 PM, Anonymous en regalia said...

o lord, my WV is : cwief

 
At 1:24 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

1. Never get into a land war in Asia.
2. Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
3. Never accept 'energy drink' from the father of your opponent in a tennis match.
4. Duke sucks.

 
At 1:35 PM, Anonymous Scotty B said...

"but then again, i just can't see how a fan of one jam band can be so vociferous about hating another jam band. i understand preferences, and disliking certain things (their vocals suck, if only they had a drummer who could count to three, whatever) but to dismiss one that is so derivative of what you love in another maketh little sense.

phish fans who think the dead suck always baffled me...and there are more than a few."

Are you talking to me Trowbridge?


and Coach K is a douche for giving no respect to anyone else such as not shaking the hand of the opposing coach last night. It's one thing to be gracious in victory but another to be gracious in defeat.

 
At 2:11 PM, Anonymous en regalia said...

scotty, do you think the dead suck? i had no idea.

was that the mindset of boxset posting as well? ah, wakarimashita so des ne

no, i mean in all honesty, i cannot think of a jam band which i find totally un-listenable.

these days with sirius i get alot of it, and right now the NMA's bother me the most, but they are still tolerable in spots

 
At 2:14 PM, Anonymous ScottyB said...

That's what I was wondering because I don't think the Dead suck (pre-1982 and 1989-1991). Vince sucked.

I have oodles of respect for the Dead.



The box set is awesome, I was just being cute.

 
At 2:18 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

No, that's a valid point, but I think there's a difference between liking and disliking similar bands versus similar sports teams.

With sports, there are regional factors, parental guidance, etc. With music, those thngs exist, but they're not nearly as pronounced. And I feel like it's easier to fall in and out of love with bands than it is with sports teams.

But as the intolerable Michael Kay likes to say, "You're really rooting for laundry." With sports, we're hooked into the jersey and the stadium a lot more than the on-field play, and that's just not as true with the bands we listen to often...

Now, let's get back to banging Mike Dunleavy in the arse.

 
At 2:47 PM, Anonymous Scotty B said...

I got into Carolina basketball through some friends in high school and then through a best friend in college. Obviously that has fueled my hate for Duke.

 
At 3:15 PM, Blogger MDS said...

they have one of the higher graduation rates of all top tier college hoops teams.

Why do you say that like it's a good thing? Couldn't that just as easily mean that Duke is pushing its athletes into its easiest classes, and/or pressuring professors to give passing grades to athletes who deserve to fail?

Michael Kay likes to say, "You're really rooting for laundry."

I've never heard him say that but if he does he stole it from Jerry Seinfeld.

 
At 4:06 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Scotty, you're allright...I'm just always suspicious of Yankee fans who dog Duke, because I see so many similarities (as I laid out).

And MDS, I'd gladly give the Sein some credit, but I always remember Kay saying it. I like Chuck Klosterman's take, who says something like "We're rooting for a local municipality."

 
At 5:36 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

i don't like duke because i just don't. and i love the yankees. and none of it seems strange to me. but i will say that i had no choice in being a yankee fan. it's a fiedler thing. perhaps if i had grown up elsewhere i would dislike the yankees as much as i like duke. but the yankees are in my d.n.a. my dislike of duke was a dispassionate choice, perhaps based on my intense dislike of christian laettner hitting those shots againt uconn and duke back at the turn of the 90s. i also first remember getting into college bball watching seton hall's run to the finals in 1989. they beat duke in the final four that year so one of my first memories of college BB is rooting against duke.

and no one will read this.

 
At 5:37 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

obviously, i meant uconn and kentucky.

 
At 6:32 PM, Blogger ethan said...

"Why do you say that like it's a good thing? Couldn't that just as easily mean that Duke is pushing its athletes into its easiest classes, and/or pressuring professors to give passing grades to athletes who deserve to fail?"

actually, i don't think the higher graduation rate could just as easily mean those things. of course there's a chance, but since you have absolutely no evidence, i think it's a horrible accusation to make (on top of being rather pessimistic).

would you make the same accusation at a school like penn or princeton, both perenial ivy league power houses? duke is not far below those schools on an academic level.

 
At 11:07 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

While not coming close to the record for most comments in a thread, I think we've clearly set one here for "most cross-arguments." Good lord, I think there are about 10 separate back-and-forths in this pupper.

Good times.

 

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