Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Non-death Afternoon Linkage

It's been a morbidly crude 18-hour period here on Slack, with two posts covering the sad and tragic transportation-related deaths of a genial game show host and a deaf beauty queen.

Backing away slowly from the carnage, I offer you these friendly links as an online olive branch of good behavior...

1. I've mentioned this story before, but some kinky reporters are actually advancing this fantastic story: "The combination of nail-biting soccer matches and crowds of beer-swilling males could mean hefty profits for Germany's sex industry."

Read this story, there are some dyn-o-mite quotes in there, including this one, "Football and prostitution are a great match."

2. Sunny D may have won some major battles, bit it looks like the purple stuff finally won the war: "Orange juice's slice of the fruit juice market has gone down for six years running, while apple juice has been on the increase. And Asda now says it's no longer selling Sunny D. Is the sun setting on OJ?"

3. Imagine how much better that show Cold Case would be if they rolled the opening credits, the male lead took a folder from the unsolved file and simply marked it "solved." Well, it might make for bad television, but it makes for great police work.

4. I find it odd that Hollywood executives still think television shows from the '70s that weren't good enough to be full-length movies back then would make for good cinema now. Is there any chance "Welcome Back, Kotter" starring Ice Cube as Gabe Kaplan's character can possibly succeed? This movie's gonna suck. Signed, Epstein's Mother.

5. Lastly, our friend Matt over at The Function of the Unguent pointed us to some of the coolest old-timey jazz clips I've ever seen on the Internets. Really, you must check out this sick video of Charlie Parker, Coleman Hawkins, Buddy Rich, Ray Brown, Lester Young, Ella Fitzgerald and others. Bird, Bean and Ella -- it just don't get better. Then you can either hit "next" or come back here and click this link to see John Coltrane lighting it up with his collection of cool cats.


At 3:35 PM, Blogger MDS said...

I think Travolta should have gotten the role of the teacher in the movie. "Welcome Back Barbarino." Now there's a movie I'd pay to see. Of course, Hollywood never listens to my ideas. I wanted them to do one more "Superman" movie with Christopher Reeve, with the plot being that somehow Lex Luthor managed to paralyze Superman, and Superman had to rely on his mind to take Luthor down.

Also, I urge all Slack readers to avoid automobiles, since we all know these things happen in threes and we've already had a plane and a train.

At 4:31 PM, Blogger hoobs said...

How the heck is Ice Cube supposed to be Gabe Kotter? I guess they'll just have to paint him in white-face and throw him a Bar Mitzvah.

Up your nose with a rubber hose.

At 4:52 PM, Blogger Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington said...

Hi There. Nice blog. I disagree with your statement that Welcome Back, Kotter was one of the "shows from the '70s that weren't good enough to be full-length movies back then..." The show set the standard for edgy racial comedy for years to come. Furthermore, it served as a beacon of hope for young minority remedial students across the country.

At 8:49 AM, Blogger dhodge said...

I hear that a lot of people are switching to apple juice because OJ will kill you.

At 8:42 PM, Blogger ismateo said...

let us not forget that 'Welcome Back Kotter' paved the way for crappy 1980s school sitcoms such as 'Head of the Class.' and how can we deny the brilliance of Howard Hessemann? we can't. in fact, we should expect a movie version of this one any minute now, too. starring the original cast. they're not doing anything, that's for sure. and remember Simone? she was hot.

but hey, fuck all that shit. who you got in the tourney there Slack?


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