Monday, April 03, 2006

Nest of Serpents

As it turns out, Spring Break at 26 can be just as much fun as when you're in college.

Sure you might not frequent the same vomit-filled, cologne-stankin' fratty bars and clubs, and all three meals are serious upgrades from the usual fare of Sbarro pizza and local beer, but every night ends on the beach in the wee small hours and every day's spent sweating out the previous evening's imbibed tequila.

As I reported from the field last week, I didn't have any time to lay out in the sun and swim in the ocean or get drunk on the beach and pass out in a lounge chair (I think I got a better tan spending five hours in Washington Square Park yesterday than four days in Cancun). But there's just something about staying in a posh room at a resort hotel -- all expenses paid -- that makes you glad the office moved from New York to Mejico for a few days.

Here's the view from my room a la The Shittycameraphone...I always think of Arthur in luxurious times like these, when he explains to Linda the benefits of owning a yacht: "It doesn't suck."

You may notice a big ship coasting a little too close to the Cancun beachfront. That's actually the Mexican Navy, protecting los presidentes and el prime minister. I know some shit -- I can name almost every World Series MVP since the early 60s, I can tell you how big our nation's trade deficit has been since the late 90s, I can quote movies like Bottle Rocket, Waiting for Guffman and Thomas Crown Affair virtually line for line -- but I never knew the Mexicans had a Navy. I just had no idea(r).

That brings me to my absolute favorite scene from the trip: Three mean-lookin' but stick-thin, rifle-totin' Federales walk hurriedly through the lobby to the elevator, trailed by a pair of American touristas, an early 40-something mother and her preteen daughter retreating from the beach.

Two of the hotel's four elevators open simultaneously, and the three heavily armed patrolmen enter the waiting car second from the right. The daughter stops, tugs at her mater's hand and looks straight up at her with a quiver: "Can we take that one?," she nervously whispers as she points to the alternate 'vator. "Uh, yeah, let's go," Mom responds. They run into the empty one and quickly press the button.

I guess it's hard to fully laugh at that scene without seeing it, but if you're a mother from Decatur or Des Moines or Raleigh or Boise and you think you're going on quiet resort vacation with the kids and end up having to choose between a vacant elevator or one with three men with guns and license to use 'em, clad in fatigues on a hot day, that's gotta be an excessively strange scene. Just one in a long line of surreal moments this week...

Slack Videos of the Day: Some more from the shittycameraphone -- a short, 10-second clip from the Omni Cancun's pool deck and another from the hurricane-eroded beach (though still exquisitely gorgeous).

Slack Song of the Day: Here's the first song that I heard on the way to work this morning, courtesy of the iPod randomizer -- Around & Around from 10/20/78 at the Winterland in San Francisco.


At 4:08 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

You know I was okay once. My girlfriend went out one night and came back... married. I told everyone that I didn't care, and then I fucked five women in three days, flipped my car on an on-ramp, beat a suspect unconscious, got suspended... but I was "okay."

Cancun after the hurricane? Eh, it's okay.

I have "Sinnerman" looping through my head now. Thanks, Ace.

At 4:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You talkin the Brosnan version, or the McQueen version?

At 4:24 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Junior year in college, we must have listened to Sinnerman twice a day, every day. They just don't write songs like that any more.

And I'm talkin' the Brosnan version, Anon. The McQueen version is cool, but I gotta say, this is one remake that I think I like better than the original. Each has its moments, but the first 15 minutes and the last 15 minutes of the Brosnan version, coupled with Rene Russo's breasts and a hot sex scene on the steps, makes the remake a superior movie. And that's not to mention the soundtrack, which rocks me like a hurricane.

Speaking of hurricanes, it shocked me to no end how far Cancun's come in rebuilding the city. They got hit with Wilma, as strong if not stronger than Katrina, and it stayed over Cancun for more than two days...yet, for a supposed third-world country, they've rebuilt at an alarmingly faster rate than we've rebuilt New Orleans. Just sayin', that's pretty interesting.

At 4:41 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

I heard that the pre-fab tin shack sales have been through the flimsy roof there in the last few months. Casa Depot has been making a killing.

At 5:22 PM, Blogger MDS said...

Re Thomas Crown, Roger Ebert wrote, "The remake has a superior caper but less chemistry." I think that nicely sums it up.

At 5:53 PM, Blogger hoobs said...

Can anyone here explain how they fit the painting into the briefcase? Also, has anyone seen the basic cable edited version? They somehow superimposed a blouse onto Rene Russo when sitting topless on the beach, and it looks completely seamless. Man, teckmology is something else, and somewhat puritanical.


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