Tuesday, April 04, 2006

One Down, 80 To Go

How many more road games will elapse before Barry Bonds limps into the lockerroom to address the media and gives the dramatic, "Don't worry, I'm not gonna do, what you all think I'm gonna do, which is just flip out..." speech before storming out of the spotlight?

It takes serious balls to feign indignation in the face of the growing media shitstorm. Serious, shriveled balls. But based on his most recent aired exchanges with the mainstream press, I'm not sure Mr. Happy can keep this up for all too much longer.

If anyone's headed for a nervous breakdown or Salinger-esque hermitage, it's Barry. He's really a man alone these days. Well, that's if you don't count Joe Morgan, who has gone out of his way to implore us all to take the word of a likely charlatan over that of two of the best sports journalists working today.

What a fucking stooge you is, Morgan. At this point, I think I'd rather be Barry than the shill who publicly sticks up for him by questioning the journalists who gave up years of their life to investigate the truth. Then again, I'd probably rather be an unintelligible color(ed) analyst than a reporter who gives up years of my life strictly trying to catch a baseball cheater.

Either way, hours after the president throw out the first pitch in Cincinnati, a clever fan threw out the first syringe in San Diego.

Like Sam Wyche, I normally don't endorse throwing things on the field ("You don't live in Cleveland!"), but if you're going to fuck with the record books and refuse to ride off into the sunset, unashamed, then you must be prepared to deal with the impending ridicule. And if you cry yourself to sleep at night, so be it.

It's going to be a long season for Pedro Gomez.

'Twas a bad night for Bonds but a great one for fans of the Yankums. Donnie Fiedler and I shares this non-fluid exchange just before the Florida/UCLA national championship game tipped off:

Donnie: I really hope this game's a blowout so we can watch the Yankees without having to flip back and forth.
Ace: I'm on board with that plan.
Donnie: Welcome aboard, sir.
Ace: Consider that plan boarded.

Is it any wonder we haven't gotten anything substantial accomplished in nine years of friendship? Nonsense, always.

We were rewarded, though, with a shitty NCAA blowout and an even greater Yankee shellacking of the Athletics to start the season. Can't really script it much better than that. Onward and upward...

Slack Link of the Day: "The strange case of the man who took 40,000 ecstasy pills in nine years" -- 25 pills a day for four years? Good lord, this guy's favorite activity for years must have been taking a piss. The ecstasy piss shiver, guaranteed good time.

Slack Video of the Day: Kenny Alias passed this along yesterday -- I'm not gonna say it's the greatest short video ever made, but it's extremely well-done from an execution standpoint. Check it out, "The Easter Bunny Hates You."

Slack Song of the Day: Live from Sweden, today you're getting 53 minutes of Soulive from the 2005 Stockholm Jazz Festival. If you're not entirely familiar with the greatness of Krasno & Company, I recommend hopping on this show immediately. Just fantastic.


At 12:08 PM, Anonymous Scotty B said...

The Yankees offense looks pretty impressive. Let's just pray everyone stays healthy this year.

At 12:13 PM, Blogger MDS said...

I didn't hear what Joe Morgan said, but what you describe is consistent with his attitude and that of the majority of ex-jocks hired by ESPN. I don't understand why ESPN doesn't make all of the ex-jocks it hires go through a little training session where they're told, "Now that we're paying your salary, your loyalty is with our viewers, not your fellow athletes. It's fine for you to give insights from the perspective of a former professional athlete, but you can't simply defend every athlete in every situation without even bothering to examine the evidence."

At 12:25 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

um..mds, i can't believe you actually expect espn to do anything to improve impartiality re: athletes. what about this bonds on bonds show? espn corporate is leading the charge into the depths of sports tv hell.

anyone know where i can get a set of inflatable shriveled nuts for when bonds comes to shea?

At 12:43 PM, Blogger MDS said...

Donnie, I think there are millions of sports fans like you and me who dislike ESPN in many respects but feel like we have no choice to watch it because it's the only place to go to for many of our sports needs. It sucks.

At 1:14 PM, Blogger ethan said...

most anti-climatic final 4 ever? i watched a whole 3 seconds last night - couldn't turn off the ballgames.

At 1:36 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

All ex-jocks -- on any network or outlet -- should go through journalism training, whether it be a six-week course or a one-year course, that's up to the discretion of each network. But these guys should be put into schools, because they *can* be really insightful, just most of
em have no idea how to say it.

Howard Cosell was right, though -- the unqualified jockocracy continues.

At 1:46 PM, Blogger ethan said...

if i was espn, i'd lose morgan, brantley, and dibble but keep hr and krukkie (the latter for amusement). i really liked bobby valentine before he took off for micronesia, and i think steve phillips offers an interesting perspective.

i'm iffy on sutcliffe, and jury's still out on tino.

At 2:30 PM, Blogger Kenny Alias said...

I knew roids caused your nuts to shrivel, but I didn't know it caused big black fuzzy spots on your crotch.

At 2:51 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Alias, always catching the funny shit that falls through the net.

Ethan, I agree for the most part with your assessment, although I think Steve Phillips is a classic d-bottle. How can anyone take what he says seriously after his piss poor performance as a GM? It'd kinda be like taking tips on bulemia from Terri Schiavo. Too soon?

And I kinda like Sutcliffe...


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