Monday, April 17, 2006

Upgrading Ace

After much idle chatter, I finally shifted into action this weekend and scratched off the top new toy from my parenthetical-dominated "Fuck It, Go Get Some Cool Shit" list:

1. Digital Camera (that takes videos)
2. Video iPod (with a battery life longer than 14 minutes)
3. Wireless Laptop (manufactured some time in this decade)
4. 300 GB External Hard Drive (for the music nerd in me)

I'm ushering in the dawn of a new age, a personal era of technological advancement and sophistication unseen since the days of beepers and pay phones. Man, remember when that seemed futuristic?

Item #1, the digital camera, was an important step in improving my life as well as yours via this here online rag. So hopefully one of you fine sugar mommies and daddies will feel compelled to buy me the remaining three listed gadgets, as they may also aid your enjoyment of these pages. Keep in mind for reciprocation purposes, I give a mean fingerbanging and an even better handjob.

Camera in hand, I've now become that annoying amateur shutterbug everyone hates, stuck in Honeymoon Mode, snapping more candids than that time I hid in that middle school locker room near my apartment. Suddenly I'm the Creepy Neighbor from American Beauty, finding the world in full bloom, seeing elegance in everything, taking video clips of my shirtless neighbor doing biceps curls.

Mostly, though, this purchase will no doubt assuage my future wanting, for I've lost official count of how many times I've said "I toootally wish I had a fucking camera, braahh." Now I'm free to photograph whatever I choose, whether it be Washington Square Park's famed Arch, three individual musicians who've come together in the name of honky tonk or an old man taking 10 minutes to throw out a newspaper as he reads it over the trash.

I'm also excited about the quality of videos this gadget provides. For my first piece of evidence, allow me to introduce this saxaphonist I've caught each of the last two weekends (with a much better drummer last time out) and the hilarious mock-robot, part-hippie dancer I've now seen in the park four times in the last month. Check it out:

There's also another guy dancing in the background, a ragged Puerto Rican with a white bandana, no shirt and definitely no belt. At one point, a father sitting around us went up to the guy and told him to hide the crack of his ass, which you can see at the end of that clip (the request, not the ass-crack). Upon conversing with this shirtless gentlemen, he made it clear that he "smoked crack 24/7." Good dude.

Slack Referral of the Day: If you're a regular subscriber of either the Sports Illustrated magazine or website, make sure to check out Gary Smith's incredible feature about the death of Max Kellerman's brother Sam at the hands (and hammer) of boxer James Butler. It's a bit lengthy, but it's really one of the better pieces of sports journalism you'll read this year. Seriously, I can't stress this enough.

Slack Link of the Day: This dude is a total problem-solving hero, a man who stepped up and took action: "A man who didn't get along with his neighbor trapped her cat in his backyard and then took it to an animal shelter to be euthanized, police said."

Slack Song of the Day: There's a strong and credible rumor circulating about a Michael McDonald-supported Steely Dan tour this summer. I'll be psyched to quite psyched if it ends up in the confirmation column. In honor of this rumor, here's a little Steely Dan from 7/21/96 at the Nissan Pavillion in Manassas, Virginia. Oh no, Guadalajara won't do.


At 1:14 PM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

I always hated Max Kellerman (he's pretty annoying) but that piece was extremelly well written and gave a nice little peek inside his life. And sad. Really sad.

In other news, I realized last night that you, Ace Cowboy, look like Jason Marquis and you are both good Jewish boys from Long Island. I believe it's high time for you to become a Cardinals fan.

At 1:17 PM, Blogger ethan said...

i used to think kellerman was rather annoying, but he really knows his stuff. and so he won me over.

and how bout marquis with that pinch hit single last night?

At 1:21 PM, Blogger Joey said...

"Peg" is my Steely Dan joint, not least of all because De La sampled it.

At 1:32 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Al, I figured you'd be all fired up this morning...Poo-Holes with three jacks, one of which a winning walk-off?! That man is a monster, and I have no idea why people pitch to him. Pujols deserves a statue, right now.

As for Marquis, well, I don't actually look like him in real life, but I have one of those faces that you see every day. I am generic. Not a day goes by -- not a day -- when someone won't accuse me of snubbing them on the street. "Hey, I was waving at you on 46th Street, why weren't you waving back?" Because it wasn't me, douchebottle.

I'm a big Kellerman fan -- Skinny Jewish kid from New York makes good? Sign me up.

Good call, Joey...that's either my favorite or my second favorite, depending on what side of the bed I wake up on. It's either Peg or My Old School, and then everything else follows (Bodhisattva, Kid Charlemagne, Reelin in the Years, etc). Good times, Steely Dan rawks.

At 1:57 PM, Blogger Jason said...

I peed a little when I read the possible news about Michael McDonald and Steely Dan. There's no news at either of their websites yet, but a quick Google news check shows at least a few confirmed dates. There's a chance they may play The Beacon, but my money's on Jones Beach. Which is fine with me, being another good Jewish boy from Long Island. (Port Washington, yo.)

At 2:10 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Soundview Cinemas! Klassy Koffee! Port Washington, yo.

Here are the dates I saw last week (I have to decide between Jones Beach and Holmdel, NJ):

Rumoured tour dates

07 - Milwaukee MN - Summerfest
08 - Chicago IL - First MWest
10 - Nashville TN - Starwood Amph
12 - Dallas TX - Smirnoff
14 - Houston TX - Cynthia Woods
15 - San Antonio TX - Verizon Wireless
18 - Phoenix AZ - Cricket Pav
19 - Irvine CA - Verizon Wireless
22 - Las Vegas NV - Aladdin
25 - San Francisco - CA Shoreline
27 - Portland OR - Clark County
28 - Seattle WA - White River
31 - Denver CO - Red Rocks

07 - Atlanta GA - Chastain
09 - WPalmBch FL – Casino
10 - Tampa FL - Ford Amph
12 - Charlotte NC - Verizon Wireless
13 - Washington DC - Nissan
15 - VA Bch VA - Verizon Wirleless
17 - Wantagh NY - TH Jones Bch
19 - Camden NJ - TweeterWaterfro
20 - Scranton PA - Toyota Pavilion
23 - Homdel NJ - PNC Bank Arts
24 - Hartford CT - NE Dodge
26 - Atlantic City NJ - Taj Mahal
27 - Boston MA - Tweeter
29 - Cinncinatti OH - Blossom
30 - Pittsburgh PA - Post Gazette

01 - Cleveland OH - Blossom
02 - Detriot MI - DTE

At 2:11 PM, Anonymous JMoney said...

what type of camera? the audio is pretty solid. the longer you wait to get the hd, the lower the price goes. has a 300gb for 119 this week.

At 2:52 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I splurged, went with the Canon SD 600. I think the SD stands for Special Delivery, or SD Jones.

$119? That's a pretty damn good deal.

At 4:16 PM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

"Rumoured tour dates

07 - Milwaukee MN - Summerfest"

Milwaukee is in Wisconsin.

At 4:33 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

No it's not.


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