Friday, April 14, 2006

Watermelon Controversy

People are entirely too serious these days. They're way too touchy, crabby, in your business and quick to jump down throats in the guise of political correctness. I try to follow South Park Saddam's advice as much as I can -- "Heyyy, relaaax, guy" -- and I'd enjoy this world more if everyone else did as well.

Tiger Woods had to apologize for using the word "spaz" after The Masters (a tradition unlike any other). He didn't stutter "I putted like a total Schiavo" or mutter "I played like a retard, nay, more specifically like a retard with spastic palsy." He simply used a four-letter word that means "clumsy" in our lexicon, and he heard plenty from the douchebottle do-good crowd.

Now the following is example is a bit different, but I still think Jules Winfield would be right if he yelled "Tell that bitch to be cool" at everyone involved. A Bellevue Community College professor landed herself in trouble for getting a little too inventive with Question #25 of the math test. This, according to the Seattle Times:

"The question read, 'Condoleezza holds a watermelon just over the edge of the roof of the 300-foot Federal Building, and tosses it up with a velocity of 20 feet per second.' The question went on to ask when the watermelon will hit the ground, based on a formula provided."

The teacher hath since apologized, and according to The Smoking Gun, "is seeking sensitivity training." I'm not sure why anyone would actively seek out sensitivity training under any circumstances, but if that's the way out of this unfortunate situation, so be it.

"Oh, you mean I shouldn't use unfair and often untrue racial stereotypes on a community college math test? I can't use my other Condi material about KFC or basketball? Nothing about Secretary of Labor Elaine Chao and rice paddies or dry cleaning?

Well, thanks for the training. I guess."

Slack Link of the Day: I spent the Good Friday holiday last year with Donnie, Kenny Alias, Possibly Engaged Tim, Sylvio Dante, the Olsen Twins and Penny Lane at a mediocre Black Crowes show. Hey, at least they played Good Friday.

Slack Video of the Day: FC Barcelona is coming to America! Ronaldhino & Co. will take Los Angeles, Houston and New York by storm in August, though just my luck, they'll be in town on the date of a friend's wedding. Boo-urns. But if you live in one of these three cities, I'd strongly recommend checking out a game, if only to see the greatest player of our lifetime.

This video, entitled "Brazilian Ping Pong" will act as your enticement (I think this is real, but there are many doubters):



Slack Song of the Day: Black Crowes, 3/25/05 at the Hammerstein, the Good Friday show in question. Doesn't get much better than the opener, Don't Do It. Enjoy.

15 Comments:

At 10:21 AM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

Check out this BBC poll on the worst words to use:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/ouch/yourspace/worstwords/results2.shtml

I havn't heard of a few of these. Window-licker?

 
At 10:29 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

That didn't quite work Danny...can you link it?

 
At 10:37 AM, Blogger MDS said...

Try this.

 
At 11:01 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Fuckin' windowlickers. That warrants an explanation
to an American audience.

 
At 11:07 AM, Blogger Trix said...

Typical of the PGA whitey boy's club. Always looking for a way to fuck with the black guy.

 
At 11:08 AM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

Oops. Sorry.

I think I might start using windowlicker in everyday conversation. Mong
too. Brave? Those limeys and their slang.

 
At 11:34 AM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

My friend uses window-licker all the time, or a variation thereof. He always says that he enjoyed taking the shortbus to school everyday because they had best tasting windows. I have to agree with him

 
At 11:44 AM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Wait, I don't understand how "handicapped" is one of the most offensive words. How is this possible? I can understand "psycho" or "spastic" or "retard", but "handicapped"? Sure, it's a generalization, but it's the truth.

"I'm not handicapped!! I lack the necessary amount of chromosomes in order for my brain to function properly. Get it right!!"

I love those goofy bastards.

 
At 12:01 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I think the worst part of being in wheelchair would be having to wear gloves all the time. Those windowlickers are nothing but germophobes.

 
At 1:54 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

Do you have an argument supporting your claim that the Ronaldinho video is real? Or do you simply believe...

 
At 2:02 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I believe...that love is the answer. I believe...that love will find a way.

 
At 2:54 PM, Blogger MDS said...

There's no way that video is real.

You know, I have a very different perspective on the short bus than most people because I rode the short bus in fourth grade. I guess when I hear "short bus" I don't think of the special ed kids, I just think of the bus I used to ride, and how weird it was that the bus had seatbelts and we were required to buckle up. I was just on a route with not many people, so they figured why use a full-sized school bus for us?

 
At 3:32 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

I also think the video is real. By the way, I am mong. Roooaar!

 
At 5:17 PM, Anonymous Rashid Muhammad said...

While I agree that people need to chill the fuck out, the professor could have used any fruit other than a watermelon and there would have been no issue. That watermelon shit cuts deep for real.

 
At 6:08 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah, I'm with you, Rashid...I was just kiddin on that one. Definitely a mistake on that prof's part.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home