Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Dickmagnet!

At setbreak of the Thursday night Phil & Friends show, a one-time San Francisco resident told me to be careful and watch where I go when leaving The Warfield. "Not exactly the greatest spot for a venue," he says to me, he says.

I've been down to Camden NJ, and I've been to some other undesirable locales, so I didn't think too much of this seemingly unnecessary advice. Sure I saw some devious characters slinking around the back alleys on my way in, but this is San Francisco...how bad could it be?

After the show we left the venue out the back -- a much easier egress, and actually fitting for San Francisco. Sure enough, a handful of dirty vagrants and trampy streetwalkers began to meander towards the exiting whiteness, and that's when I saw one of the most horrifically hilarious sights of all-time. Seriously, I'm still laughing.

Just then, a six-foot Pam Grier lookalike straight out of blaxploitation flicks, clad in eight-inch stiletto heels, a skirt that barely covered her vaheena and a tube top more likely to be classified as a headband, lit a cigarette and walked towards us. This strumpet then performed a move that'll stick with me forever...

Passing on this dude's right in the opposite direction, she stealthily reached out her right hand and grabbed his pecker. With full bird in hand, she cackled, tilted her head back and yelled "Dickmagnet!" in a voice combining the styles of Bootsy Collins and Mrs. Klump from The Nutty Professor. And the whole thing took place in about a two-second interval. The dude was stunned. A truly awesome move.

Slack Song of the Afternoon: Some of you may be familiar with Gnarls Barkley's dope-ass song "Crazy" (Gnarls played a sold-out show last night in NYC)...if not, click on Gnarls' MySpace page and give it a whirl. Now that we're all on the same page, check out this pretty cool cover by Ray LaMontagne.

6 Comments:

At 1:58 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Just picked up the Gnarls Barkley cd last week. Definitely a "must listen". Very groovy and hard to classify. As Dangermouse is the producer, it has the feel of the Gorillaz, minus the British influence. I highly recommend it.

 
At 3:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A friend used to live in that area. As many times as I went there the shock value always appeared. We got to calling all the black tranny hookers (trust me, there are more than you think) "Randall". Good to see visitors getting the "full experience".

 
At 4:00 PM, Blogger Guss said...

I've been definately digging Gnarls Barkley as of late and pretty much forcing everyone at work to listen to them, but this cover is pretty good too!

 
At 6:43 PM, Blogger the captain said...

Ah the Tenderloin...
I used to work at the Warfield & the Great American Music Hall in the mid to late 80's. There be some characters in that neighborhood that's fer sure!

 
At 11:07 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

The Tenderloin, exactly. Because they tend your loin, yes? Cool.

Hey, maybe the Dickmagnet was a tranny, I didn't get a good look and it was awful dark out...

As for Gnarls, I'm damn impressed.

 
At 10:31 AM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Gnarls Barkley is playing on Conan O'Brien tonight.

 

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