Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Thoughts de Rando

Work's been one busy day after the next, so allow me to post some quick thoughts and return to comtemplating whether or not I should jump out this here window...

--Kudos bar to ABC, which found the best possible way to douche up the already douchified David Blaine "Drowned Alive" telecast to the absolute maximum: Adding Stuart Scott as the announcer.

Really, Stu Fucking Scott? Nobody else was available? Nobody with, say, a grammar skill-set that makes sense to a national audience and maybe two working ocular cavities? Frankly I'm a little shocked Blaine didn't "run the okey-doke" or "holla at a playa" last night.

Thankfully we TiVoed the show and watched it in about seven minutes, but I have to wonder, is there anyone more universally despised by the public but lovingly pushed by management in the entire world of entertainment? This guy's the Kurt Angle of ESPN.

--I was talking with a friend last week about things that need to become socially acceptable in our lifetimes. This isn't a question of legality, just acceptability. As we all know, George Costanza's vote is for "draping one's self in velvet" and The Dude's vote would likely be "doing a j" in public. I'm strongly in favor of both opinions.

But if I had to choose one thing to become socially acceptable right now, it'd be rub 'n tug massages, better known by the ol' "happy endings" moniker. Seriously, I don't get the stigma.

What's a massage? By definition, isn't it the kneading and rubbing of certain areas of the body in order to relax the muscles and mind, to aid circulation, to provide a sense of sensual stimulation? So wouldn't a 30-second release of tension, the ultimate sensual stimulation, be the only way to finish the job?

To say there's a "fine line" between massages and prostitution is horseshit: You've already paid someone to rub you whilst nude, and you're already feeling the warmth of soft hands on your hamstrings and lower back and taut shoulders. That's sensual, but it's also sexual. They're complimentary, and they go together, just like a professional massage and quick jerky jerk. I'd go so far as to say non-Asian massages should be taboo from now on.

No handjob? What are you, some sort of freak?

--I know this won't be popular, but 24 has turned into an excessively putrid exercise. This show hasn't just jumped the shark, it's jumped a school of sharks and landed in a steaming pile of shark dung.

It's now that the show's wholly unbelievable -- that, I can deal with. It's really more about the horrid caliber of writing and acting, the story lines that don't make any sense and the inability to conjure up the nervous anxiety that it once did. I used to need valium to calm me down from the edge of my seat, now I laugh hysterically when the show's over and wonder why I wasted 44 minutes on characters inexplicably named "Miles Papasian." Shit, even Jerry Rice knew when to quit faster than this tired shlock.

So concludes this filler of a post. I've let you all down again.


At 2:20 PM, Blogger Joey said...

Scott is horrible. But unlike Angle, it's not even like there's theme music to which we can rhythmically chant "You suck!" Ans Kurt has kind of transcended the average, run-of-the-mill hate. He is/was actually kind of fun to have around as a dramatic foil (although I haven't been steadily watching wrestling for a few years). Scott is just fucking annoying. And a transparent panderer (like Hillary Clinton). And a tool. He's probably got chancletas and jeans on

At 3:39 PM, Blogger Boski93 said...

Hey Stu get off my TV our I will mess up that other eye. Douchya!

At 4:26 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Speaking of David Blaine, my friend Marc had the quote of the day that punched his ticket straight to hell:

"david blaine set a "world record" for time under water? I think Laci Peterson has him beat by a lot."

So wrong, yet so right.

At 4:31 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Laci Peterson, that's as insensitive and brilliant as it gets. When I miss jokes like that I always say, "Why can't I be that big a dick?"

Joey, I agree to some extent with your Angle/Stu analysis -- I couldn't think of anyone to put in there that truly fits, but I figured it'd be a wrestler. Who do you think fits best? There was a period when it was Eddy Guerrero, but then he actually was well-liked, and then he died.

At 4:34 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

What's sad/scary about Marc's comment is that he didn't even have to think about it, it just came out. He's good like that. Good at being a dick.

At 5:04 PM, Blogger Chilly Jackwater said...

Blaine's stunt was nothing. I once sat through an entire Samples show without trying to hang myself!

Ace, are you going to the Widespread simulcast tonight at Union Square Cinemers?

At 5:14 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Excellent Samples joke, Chilly...summer of 1994, they were easily my favorite band in the world. Oh, to be 15 again.

No WSP for me...I've got plans tonight, but even if I didn't, not sure WSP in a theater would do it for me. Have fun, get SnoCaps.

At 1:28 PM, Blogger Joey said...

What about Triple H? I never found him likable, and he was such a company man that they used him for everything.


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