Thursday, June 08, 2006

Coulter Caption Contest

I don't like talking about Ann Coulter. Stick Bitch is nothing more than a colossal waste of our valuable time. I don't buy her act and really couldn't care less about the embellished and unnatural vitriol she spews on a seemingly weekly basis.

She's just trying to sell books and attract attention, and she's been wildly successful in doing so. Talk about laughing devilishly all the way to the bank. Coulter's got a new book coming out, and not surprisingly, she's landed on the talk and cable show circuit after some media outlets excerpted the more ridiculous passages.

She even guested on the Today show to defend her comments about four vocal 9/11 widows, declaring "I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much." She also suggested that we can't be sure the men weren't thinking about divorcing these women before their untimely deaths. Nice touch, Gigantor.

It doesn't rile me up because I just don't believe her act. For her, donning this uber-conservative persona is like putting on make-up in the morning. I'm sure she's a hardcore Republican (and somewhat heartless and gutless), but there's no way she could possibly lay down at night believing half the shit that rushes from her gang-fuckable mouth. So I laugh it off and wish for others to help her go away by depriving her of the attention she so actively seeks.

But when I saw the photo below (courtesy of AnnCoulterDoc.com), I had to post it up here for a caption contest. What I don't quite get is how this brazen Republican, who talks about Liberalism like it's Communism, could possibly enjoy going to Grateful Dead shows back in the day. Patchouli-stank hippies everywhere, steaming piles of grilled cheese and veggie burritos, spun-out wookies trying to coax her into free love behind the port-o-potties. If she could stand that barrage for 30 shows or however many she saw, there's just no way she could possibly hate liberals as much as she says.

So, without any further (Freddy) ado, give us your best:

Here are my two suggestions: "Tell this fucking liberal dyke to my right that as soon as this show lets out I'm gonna smash her head into a big pile of gonorrhea. Oh, is that a dude? Fuckin' shorthairs."

Or: "That new keyboardist looks like he's on heroin. That kind of societal drag should just go home and commit suicide."

Okay one more: "That's a huuuge bitch!"

Not terribly funny. Slow day in the humor department. Whatchu got?

Slack Video of the Day: Many of you will remember Tiger Woods' incredible shot on the 16th Hole of the 2005 Masters, the chip that hung on the edge of the cup for seconds before ventually dropping inside. That was pretty silly. But not nearly as silly as this Fuzzy Zoeller shot. Fried chicken and collard greens for everyone!

Slack Song of the Day: This one's for Miss Coulter: U.S. Blues.

Also from 11/9/79 up in Buffalo, here's Promised Land, Dancin' in the Streets, They Love Each Other and Althea.

10 Comments:

At 10:53 AM, Blogger MDS said...

I think this is a perfect time to bring out the caption that some say should appear under every New Yorker cartoon: "Christ, what an asshole."

 
At 10:53 AM, Blogger Some Dude said...

About a year or so ago she was on a VH1 show called "My Coolest Year: The Dirty Hippies" professing her love to the Dead. Just a quick FYI.

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah, and I also heard she said her favorite song was "What a Long Strange Trip" or something like that. It's like the Phish fans who say their favorite song is "Nice Guy*."

*A girl actually said this to me once.

CAPTIONS, PEOPLE.

 
At 11:17 AM, Blogger ethan said...

"i can't feel my legs!!"

 
At 11:18 AM, Blogger ethan said...

and yes, i just referenced a charlie korsmo movie.

 
At 11:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Grilled cheese sandwiches! 1 for $2, 2 for $3! Smell my ass for $5!"

 
At 1:24 PM, Blogger bean said...

though fame would eventually lead them in different directions, scott wolf, james spader and jeb bush would never forget that magical summer.

meh. the picture is so ridiculous it kind of speaks for itself.

 
At 4:48 PM, Blogger The Letter D said...

"This heat is making my balls itch."

 
At 7:19 AM, Blogger Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Caption: "I never saw so many dirty hippies enjoy someone's death so much"

I also heard that she was riding shotgun in Jerry's BMW when he was busted smoking crack. I ALSO heard that she was giving him a 'handy.'

 
At 11:49 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Great work...big fan of The Letter D's I must admit.

 

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