Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Screech, Saget & moe.

I learned two things about Screech Powers today (and no, it's NOT that he's brothers with Mike D of the Beastie Boys).

First, he's about to lose his house in Wisconsin and he's trying to raise money to help fight his inevitable eviction. But the bigger story (pun intended?) out of this camp, as confirmed on the Howard Stern show yesterday, Screech's got a 10-inch cock. Dongfirmed.

"Why don't I make sure of something...this is a giant cock." Good luck, Screech.

You're an idiot who probably deserves this fate, but good luck, sir. And if you have to, just sell your mother's Elvis statue.

Slack Link of the Day: 12 years ago tonight, the New York Rangers won Lord Stanley's Cup for the first time in 54 years. That was a memorable evening, to say the least.

Slack Video of the Day: From the desk of Kenny Alias comes this clip. I'm undecided on whether or not I think it's truly funny or just comedic because everything else out there sucks so terribly. I'm leaning heavily towards the latter.

And really, how easy is it to throw Bob Saget into something these days and slap "Comedy" on it? Apparently, very. Saget is the new black, and here's Jamie Kennedy's "Rollin' with Saget" video.

Slack Song of the Day: Is there a better venue on the planet than Central Park's Summer Stage? I'm not entirely sure there is. Great outdoor acoustics, surrounded by trees and rich greenery, a deadly calm in the center of mayhem, and when the show lets out you're thrown right back into the chaos of it all. Summer Stage is a must for everyone.

moe. played last night from 6:30 to the 10 PM curfew, attracting all kinds of middle- and high-school kids to the Park for a kickass show. I'm not certain Umphrey's McGee and moe. managements are actively collaborating with male and female pedophiles across the country, but it's a legit possibility.

Three unrelated highlights: 1) moe.'s decision to play God Street Wine's Into the Sea during setbreak, one of my favorite tunes ever. 2) moe's surprise announcement it'll be playing New Year's Eve at Radio City Music Hall. 3) The two orthodox Jewish high-schoolers behind us rolling and smoking a jay -- they were wearing "street clothes" but still had the yarmulkes and tzitzit and everything. I nearly turned around and asked 'em if they rolled one for Elijah.

The show itself was nasty, far exceeding my expectations (moe. does that every time), and if you want to hear it's already available for download. But here are the highlights from last night, taken from earlier shows: Moth, Don't Fuck With Flo and Timmy Tucker. There was also a Paranoid Android cover in honor of Radiohead's show 35 blocks away, but we'll leave well enough alone. Enjoy.


At 12:11 PM, Blogger MDS said...

I saw Bob Saget do standup once and found him highly amusing. The only bad thing was there was this heckler and he kept playing along with her instead of just telling her to shut up already.

To repeat my comment over at Data Janitor, Even though I've only read his side of the story, I'd have to say he has no case at all. If he's such a moron that he can't even scrounge up a down payment and get a mortgage after being on syndicated television for the better part of two decades, he deserves to be homeless.

At 12:20 PM, Blogger Chilly Jackwater said...

No way! Timmy Tucker AND Moth??? In the SAME show? Wow, next you'll tell me that they played Spine Of A Dog, too! What a bust-out show!!!

I kid, because I kinda like. But seriously, do they ever NOT play a tune off "No Doy"? Not that I'm complaining. This is the same guy who just went to see his favorite band play an entire show comprised of nothing but the dreaded "new stuff". And I have to say, it did get to be a little draining. At one point I had to remind myself that they were not going to be playing "Fishwater" on this night. But all things re-considered, it still ranked high in the Rockiness Quotient. Some dude told me you were there. Guess not.

At 12:29 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah, MDS, I mostly agree on that sentiment...there are people a lot worse off than fucking Screech, and they're somehow getting mortgages (and subsequent foreclosure notices).

Chilly, I was gonna try and swing both shows, but I decided that two outdoor sets of moe. in Central Park beat schlepping to an indoor WSP show at which they were playing ALL new tunes. I think I made a good call. I hear you on the moe. front -- but there were some other standout non-No Doy moments, including a fantastic Enter Sandman tease in Tucker. Lost Along the Way starts cheesy but the jam was seriously incredible. Great encore, nice Android cover, really a fun time in the Park.

And I doubt WSP had any smokin' teenage girls to ogle.

At 12:45 PM, Blogger rob ronanea said...

screech couldn't possibly sell his mom's elvis statue--zack broke it, remember? and the super glue would GREATLY lessen the ebay resell value...

At 12:55 PM, Blogger ahren said...

lost along the way is one of my favorites (though i think that i'm in the minority there) -- it reminds me of an allman brothers song for some reason.

in general, the group of songs that followed the wormwood release (the pit, latw, mcbain, etc.) is their strongest material since the no doy stuff and really revitalized my interest in the band.

At 1:07 PM, Anonymous HANDSTAND said...

Lost Along the Way was definitely my favorite of the night. The beginning is a little sappy, but as soon as the fingers get snapped and the jam kicks in, it is as good as moe. gets in my mind.

At 1:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's hard to read sentences when there is a period in the middle of them.

At 2:05 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

That's right, they broke that statue...and they lost the dog to that fucking nerd.

Yeah, Lost Along the Way had the best jam of the first set, but like I said, it definitely starts out on the cheesy side. Still, highly enjoyable and the first real blown-away jam of the night.

"It's hard to read sentences when there is a period in the middle of them."

Best point ever made on Slack. Take a bow, Anon., you just re-wrote our alma mater.

At 2:21 PM, Anonymous Scotty B said...

"but we'll leave well enough alone. "


At 2:49 PM, Blogger Mr. Underhill said...

I know a guy who knows a guy in Mi-li-wau-kay who apparently drinks with Screech, and apparently Screech's parents robbed him blind of his childhood earnings a la Macaulay (and apparently didn't give a sh*t about his being robbed blind of his dignity by allowing him to play Screech for 10 years - I mean, he even played Screech on SBTB: The New Class).

Remember that time when Zack hooked up with Lisa and Screech was so mad? That was awesome. And that time where Screech saved Tori Spelling from embarassing herself at the glee club performance? That was awesome, too.

At 4:14 PM, Blogger MDS said...

Even if Screech's parents took every penny he earned up until his 18th birthday, he's had more than 10 years as an adult celebrity to get his act together. He's got no one to blame but himself for the mess he's in.

At 4:22 PM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

I thought I saw that he was doing standup at a comedy club in Madison a few months ago. And he must have gotten paid something when he fought Arnold Horshack on celebrity boxing like 4 years ago.

I remember John Stewert commenting on celebrity boxing saying something like, "there comes a time in every actor's career when he has to box Greg Brady for rent money."

At 4:35 PM, Anonymous Amanda said...

All I know, is a friend of mine slept with Screech. Seriously. And she denies these penis stories. When we heard this story, we called her to see what she said on the subject. Her words were, not bad, but certainly not big.

At 4:57 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Maybe she just has a really big vagina.

At 5:09 PM, Blogger Jason said...

I didn't sleep with Screech, but I gave him a hand job. He said he could get me "in" with Mr. Belding.

Seriously, this story is so sad on so many different levels, I don't even know where to begin.

At 5:11 PM, Blogger Jason said...

Screech has three e's?


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