Thanks for the Free Parking
I have the same exact conversation three or four times a day. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's frustrating, sometimes it's brief and sometimes it's lengthy. But it's always about parking.
"Excuse me, can I park here?"
"But the sign says..."
"No, it doesn't. The sign is a ruse, a cunning attempt to trick you. Sorry, but you best be moving elsewhere."
"Bloomberg, that fucking Jew. I hate this city."
Since parking in New York City is harder to find than a member of the service industry that speaks fluent English, it's basically a free-for-all on the streets of Manhattan. Drivers will park anywhere they can find, and most of the time they'll chance a risky spot. There's ample space on Bleecker in front of my apartment, but there's one little catch:
Most people will read that sign and think they're okay, not realizing that one sign says 6 PM - 6 AM and the other says the opposite. So people park there at will and come back to hefty fines, then curse the DoT. Hey, when you think you've found parking gold, you hesitate to scratch it on something to see if the paint rubs off.
Making things easy ain't the job of the city government. In fact, they're job is quite the opposite; they're revenue-generators. They want your money so they can educate kids and put on public displays and maintain the so-so cleanliness of the city.
But clearly this sign should read, "YOU CAN ONLY PARK HERE FROM 6 AM to 6 PM ON SATURDAYS AND SUNDAYS -- DON'T FUCK WITH US." Anything less could be argued as entrapment.
And it'd certainly spare me having to decide which people I want to warn and which I think look like they deserve a $100+ ticket.
Slack Link of the Day: Today's top story should feature everyone's favorite corpulent hypocrite, Rush Limbaugh, who was detained at the airport yesterday by Customs officers after they found a bottle of Viagra in his possession. Remember Rush, the pill-popping user who didn't get locked up with the key thrown away as he so often suggested before his arrest? Yeah, that guy, that guy who just got caught with illegal Viagra at the airport. Him.
No, instead we'll go light and bring you the story of a haircutting salon with a stripper pole. Oh, Provincetown, how civilized ye be.
Slack Videos of the Day: I'm back on The Sports Guy bandwagon. I've been on and off this guy more than his wife, but right now I'm on 'im. Well, Simmons has officially thrown his hat into the YouTube ring, chronicling his favorite clips on the site in his latest column. I can't say I agree with some of his choices, but this is a must-read for anyone with testes between the ages of 18 and 35.
Slack Song of the Day: I've been talking her up a bunch, but I'm not sure I've ever really posted any of her music. So check out some Grace Potter & The Nocturnals this fine morning -- here's her version of the oft-covered Mystery Train, Nothing But the Water, Stop the Bus and Take It All Away from this year's Wakarusa Music Festival.