I'm On Board, Zizou
So I was just walking toward the water cooler for a tasty cup of agua fria this morning when a co-worker of mine came shooting down the hall the other way. And even though she's a chick, and pregnant at that, I really thought about head-butting her right in that milky chest. Head butts are the new cock punches.
I say fuck the haters, man. You've already won a World Cup, you've already won a Euro Cup, you've already been named three-time World Football Player of the Year and Best European Footballer of the last 50 years. You've played in three World Cups, scored in two World Cup final games, put home one goal already and almost found the net on another had it not been for that William Fichtner-lookin' greaseball with the goalkeeper gloves.
So why go out with another pedestrian World Cup title? Why retire from international play like a boring Pete Sampras when you can opt to drive the craziest head butt the world hath ever seen into the chest of some dumb guinea with incredible precision and mastery and still win the Golden Ball award for the tournament's best player. Just doesn't get much cooler than that.
I'm a fan of the move. Mike Lupica and The Sports Reporters (and their foreign counterparts) will be up in arms about this shit for decades, but I wholeheratedly endorse it. I mean, how many times do you see someone lock in and butt their baguette into an opponent's chest like that? Seriously, think about that. You floored a 6'4 tough-as-nails I-talian defender with one shot with your crown. No cheap shot punches, no pussy slaps, no jujitsu shit, just a hooligan-tough noggin knock to the sternum. Not bad for a Frenchy.
Someone just showed me these little thingies, several pieces of new evidence as to why the Internets are awesome, so I pass on to you:
Any thoughts on what Materazzi could have said to inspire the Zidanian ire? ANy other lingering issues from the WC you want to bring up before it's too late? Since we tied Italy, does this mean we're, like, tied for the best team in the world? No?