You lickbags are all so quiet lately, and since nobody feels compelled to interact with me, I'm taking my ball and going home. So instead of pouring my dope-infused blood, summertime sweat and all-too-frequent tears into this here rag, all youse are getting are some links (albeit six dyn-o-mite links). Enjoy:
1. There are no words for this real-deal news report from what sounds like a 1010 WINS type of personality. Correspondent En Regalia billed it as "one of the funniest things you might ever hear," and while I won't quite go that far, it's definitely one of the funniest things you'll hear between now and two Tuesdays from now.
2. Watch what happens when some folks decide to spice up their poker game by playing at a rodeo. I always wanted to say, "Ah fuck it, I fold, and I just made a huge pile of doody in my pants."
3. Wanna see a fattyfat fat kid get down to Gnarls Barkley's hit song Crazy? I mean, how can you say no to that question? Make sure you watch 'til the very end, when this kid breaks it down like your own Ace Cowboy at any and all weddings.
4. Is "Lindsay Lohan Gives Head" a catchy enough header? I bet this blog gets 50 million hits by 6 pm. Maybe by 7.
5. Did you know the Emmy nominations were announced last week? Neither did I. Well, that's a lie, I saw those telefuckers unveiling the nominations because CNN carried the ceremony in toto. That's right, America's Most Trusted Name in News broadcasted the fucking Emmy show live. But I guess that makes sense considering the most popular story on CNN.com right now is "Joey Buttafuoco Gets Year in Jail."
Anyway, I bring this up because Dan over at The Daily Dump reviewed the nominees and previewed the upcoming awards show yesterday, and it's a must-read post. I kinda hate to blow smoke up another blogger's ass (or suck M&Ms out of another blogger's ass), but if you're not reading his shit daily you're really missing out on some comedy. Plus, he talks up Arrested Development more than anyone but me, which is about as endearing to me as quoting Corky St. Clair or Louie.
6. Saving the best for last, it's high time we check in with everyone's favorite sportswriter extraordinaire. For the baseball crowd, and even for the casual baseball observers that enjoy a good road trip, this folksy and friendly piece may spice up your summer. And even if you're booked solid for this season, it's always pleasant to experience some anti-Schadenfreude and read the travels and travails of others: I give you SI.com's Baseball Road Trip.
Now go fuck yourselves, San Diego.