Wednesday, July 26, 2006

This Movie's Gonna Hit a Water Buffalo

The latest sign that Hollywood is completely out of ideas comes in the form of a wholly unnecessary prequel:

"The creator of Scrubs is writing and directing a prequel to the '80s feature franchise Fletch, and if he has his way, the show's star Zach Braff will take over Chevy Chase's title role."

Let me start by openly declaring that Scrubs is one of my favorite sitcoms currently on television, and I think Braff is a great actor. I enjoyed his performance in Garden State and he's a Northwestern alum. I bet he's sad about Randy Walker, too. So I like him.

But this is an atrocious casting decision and an even worse idea for a green light. Can you for one second see Braff pulling off the "I'm Frida's boss" repartee, the "Dr. Rosenpenis" dropping papers fiasco, the "Beatles' White album" line in the Records Room or any of the relationship dialogue with Mrs. Stanwyck? Terrible, terrible stuff. I'd even be okay with someone like Jason Lee or Ryan Reynolds, but Zach Braff? As philosopher GOB Bluth says, "C'mon!"

I can come up with three good movie ideas by lunch that would be better than a fucking Fletch prequel with an actor that shares very few personality traits with the original. Fuck, I'd rather see a movie about a farmhand who lives in the easternmost part of Illinois but commutes to work in western Indiana every day, as a result making him lose an hour every morning and gain one every evening, eventually causing him to go absolutely batshit and beat his wife and son and shoot up his office in a time-induced rage a la Jessie Spano. In the end, it's a feel-good movie about the dangers and joys of interracial marriages. Shit, write that down...that could work.

At this point, I can't wait for the Amazing Grace and Chuck prequel.

Slack Link of the Day: Ken Jennings does some Jeopardy! blasting, which is a lot more likely than KJ doing any finger-blasting.

Slack Recommendation of the Day: Donnie and I went to see the New York Cosmos movie yesterday. Quickly I'll say -- great story, stellar soundtrack, top-notch editing, soccer stars and good sense of humor. What more do you need? Go see it, Once in a Lifetime.

Slack Video of the Day: From the geniuses that brought you Super Troopers, check out this trailer for Beerfest. Can't say it looks hilarious, but I'm definitely seeing this flick opening day. I think I'm the one guy that actually laughed during Club Dread.

Slack Song of the Day: Today marks the 16th anniversary of the passing of a virtually unknown legend (how's that for oxymoronic?). Brent Mydland, the Grateful Dead's keyboardist for 11 fantastic years, died 16 years ago today of a speedball overdose in his home. He was an absolutely mind-blowing musician, though, and I've been a great admirer of his work for years.

So here's our tribute to one of the true greats, one of the true wooks, one of the true candidates to die in his 30s from a speedball overdose. If you really want the best, try 12/26/79's Shakedown Street, which I can't seem to locate online. In lieu of that, have some Alabama Getaway, Good Lovin' and Dancin' in the Streets.


At 12:26 PM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

I laughed at Club Dread. Pinacoladaberg? That shit is funny.

At 1:01 PM, Blogger hoobs said...

Coconut Pete may be Bill Paxton's best role. Either that or the brother in Weird Science...Other than those two, though, he's usually an extra-large D-bot.

At 1:06 PM, Blogger MonkeyPants said...

Amazing Grace and Chuck. Wow. Now there's a movie I haven't thought about in probably going on 2 decades - yet it scared the crap out of me... I don't remember why. Something about a dropped fork.


D-bot is sweeping the nation!!

At 1:42 PM, Blogger Boski93 said...

"Do you think Eddie Money has to put up this shit!"

Why is Hollywood working on this when they still owe me a f'ing sequel to Buckaro Bonzai?

Who would play Amazing Grace? Where are they going to find a shooter who never played D? Oh wait Allan Houston is free.

At 1:43 PM, Blogger Boski93 said...

I almost forgot they stiffed me on Dr. Detroit and Remo William damn it.

Bad Hollywood, bad!

At 1:55 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Who replaces CSI Guy as Chuck's dad in the prequel? Big question.

Paxton is a total D-Bot...but I would add one more -- one of the Earp brothers in Tombstone. Not that he's awesome, but that movie is great and he's affialiated with it. Otherwise, yeah, D-Bot.

Remo Williams is an absolute classic...Joel Grey is a fucking genius in that movie. I never knew he wasn't Asian until years after I saw that (I was like 6 or 7 when I saw it for the first time).

Allan Houston is a great call, Boski...I was also thinking Michael Redd, but that's just not funny.

At 4:30 PM, Blogger The Letter D said...

What about Hudson in Aliens?

Game over, man!

At 5:57 PM, Blogger bean said...

this fletch prequel BS would never have happened if chevy chase were still alive.

what's the spread in the game tonite?

At 6:38 PM, Blogger ethan said...

paxton is gold in true lies. maybe because he plays a d-bot?

At 6:52 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Maybe Paxton's not so bad after all...because I agree about his role in True Lies (which I just re-watched a few weeks ago).

What don't I like him in? Apollo 11? He wasn't bad. Maybe I like Bill Paxton and really hate Matthew Modine. Maybe.

At 10:15 PM, Blogger John Howard said...

Jason Lee would be much better. However, a better idea is not to make this movie which is obviously going to suck ass. The only thing I can think of that would be worse is if they made a prequel to Dumb and Dumber.

I like Bill Paxston, but his worst role by far is his intro to the Twister ride at Universal Studios. The way he stands is really gay looking.

At 12:55 AM, Anonymous Greg said...

I can't believe no one's suggested Vince Vaughn yet

At 1:04 AM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

Have you watched Fletch lately? It was one of my favorite movies as a youngster, but (and I'm hoping that lightening doesnt strike me here) it kind of stinks now.

Maybe it's just sad to see how funny cocaine made Chevy Chase, or maybe it's just dated now, but it's not the same movie that I grew up with.

Of course, it's probably just because Fletch 2 was ever made.

Anyone ever read the Fletch books?

At 9:21 AM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

Vince Vaugn? It's a prequal, did Fletch get younger over time?

Don't hate Matthew Modine. "Vision Quest" kicked ass.

At 9:37 AM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

"I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so, I'm so... scared!"

At 12:07 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

Oh Ace, you're so adorable.

It's not about what ideas are good, but what ideas will make money. Do you know how many people would pay to see a "Fletch" prequel with a bankable star? Lots. Including you.

Trust me, I know from experience. My idea stinks but because blogs are cool it actually has a legit shot of airing. It's going to be terrible. Enriching, but terrible.

At 12:39 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Way to turn this post into some shit about you, dude. And I'm adorable?

Actually, I don't see how a Fletch prequel makes money, I really don't. I think a backlash will quell the interest before it hits theatres (English spelling) and it'll stink like Dukes of Hazzard.

At 2:37 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

Whoa - just easin' the tension, baby.

My point is that the "Fletch" idea is easily marketable. Therefore, executives would infer that it would make money. The people who greenlight projects care less about substance and more about hooks. That's all I'm saying.

("Dukes of Hazzard" made $80 million, which isn't bad, but costs $50 million to make, which *is* bad. So it only netted $30 million. I've never seen "Fletch", but I can't imagine it would cost $50 million to make, so $80m would be a nice return.)

At 4:12 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I hear ya, my brotha. You make a good point, I'm just bustin' balls. You're right, which sucks. Go ease the tension somewhere else!

(Or is it "Go ease the tension over there"?)

At 4:37 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

I tell you the real winner today is the city of Portland.


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