Wednesday, July 19, 2006

With Gawker Comes Change

Like any good blogger with an ego as large as Jack Bauer's balls, I'm obligated to report I'm no longer the Rod Tidwell to Gawker's Reebok. The sudden surge in referral traffic inspired a friend to design a new banner for the site, which now rests neatly at the top of the page.

On the pro side, it's so over-the-top hilarious that I can't envision the blog without it. On the con side, I have to see LaLanne doing the V-Sit Reach every time I click on the site. Ah fuck it, that's hilarious, too.

So what say you, Slackers: Do we revert to the boring old template or wholeheartedly welcome the new banner into permanence?

Slack Link of the Day: I had some convoluted nonsense here for a few hours, but I decided it was subpar and trashed it. Instead I'll just say I'm glad the Sports Guy is promoting soccer instead of bashing it, as most idiot sportswriters tend to do. I don't think any mainstream writer could have written such a great piece, but chances are this'll eventually spell Bill Simmons ruining something else for everyone.

Slack Heads-Up of the Day: False Idolatry Month continues...for the Chicago folk out there, everyone's favorite redheaded guitarist will throw out the first pitch at tomorrow's Cubs-Astros afternoon game at Wrigley Field. So head on down to the Friendly Confines and report back as to whether or not Trey throws like a back-up singer.

Slack Video of the Day: Perhaps this is a bit morbid, but a Texas death row inmate set for execution tonight performed an original rap during his final interview. Does it really get any better that that?

Slack Song of the Day: Let's try something new today -- here's the same tune by different artists: first up, Heaven by Talking Heads and Heaven by Simply Red. And from the bluegrass department, have a little Uncle Pen from Bill Monroe and Uncle Pen from The Phish.

31 Comments:

At 1:58 AM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

New banner = jumped shark.

Actually, you should throw in a pic of trey in mid solo, where he looks like he's cumming... You know, just to make it more you.

 
At 3:52 AM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

If you really wanted to make it more you, you should use a pic of jonathan safran foer cumming to trey mid-solo.

Mulgrew had to pay like $200 for his shitty banner. How much do you owe Appleton?

 
At 8:20 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Are those yea or nay votes? I'm all for Trey cumming and posing like young novelists, but gimme some direction here.

Youse think I'd pay for Jackyboy stretching? The banner is strictly a bi-product of procrastinatory writer's block, I've been told. And we all know that the best free work gets done when people don't want to do their real work.

 
At 8:40 AM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

I'll give the banner a tenative "yea," solely because that old guy may seriously creep me out after a few weeks up there and drive me to do very bad things to both myself, loved ones, and others.

Speaking of others, your cousin Jason Marquis freaking sucks, Ace. I expect you to give him at least a wet willy and at most a wedgie and at your next family reunion and/or brisk.

I am ashamed to own his jersey.

 
At 8:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yea with a Trey cumming pic.....

Fluff

 
At 9:44 AM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

Is a brisk where they cut off the foreskin quickly?

"That moyle's brisk, baby!"

 
At 9:58 AM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 10:17 AM, Blogger MDS said...

I say keep it, although I've never understood what Slackin' Away That Second "N" in LaLanne means. Did you first register the blog's URL, then realize you had misspelled Jack's last name?

I think your next step should be google ads. This blog should bring in some revenue.

 
At 10:18 AM, Blogger Betty said...

My first thought was what the fuck did you do? I think you should keep it just for its comedic value. But people might start thinking you are a gay male blogger and put you in the same category as Pink is the new blog.

 
At 10:31 AM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

"But people might start thinking you are a gay male blogger and put you in the same category as Pink is the new blog."

Start?

 
At 10:51 AM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

Jack LaLanne is the least gay person that ever lived. I realize he wears silver suits and stuff, but he is also the toughest man alive. He could kick all of our asses. And he will never die.

 
At 10:54 AM, Blogger jakezebra said...

Adlai Stevenson died the year LaLanne was born.
1914 was a long fucking time ago.....

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger Mr. Underhill said...

Men stretching still makes you look gayer than three fat, jolly men drinking apple cider spiked with rum wearing heavy, cable-knit sweaters on Christmas in 1904.

That said, I think the banner is funny, so keep it. Although I do think there should be a Carl Lewis image up there, too (from his music video, of course).

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger Mr. Underhill said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 10:58 AM, Blogger Chilly Jackwater said...

Slack getting gawkered is yet another sign of The Brahphacy. The Wook Shall Inherit The Earth!

 
At 11:11 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

This whole comments section validates the ol' "Democracy is the worst form of givernment, except for all the others that have been tried" quotation.

From now on, we're talking strict dictatorship here. You will like what I tell you to like, and you will wait on line for everything, including yankee bluejeans, or as my father would call them, dungarees.

Does anyone else have parents that use "dungarees" instead of jeans? Man, that gets me every time.

 
At 11:16 AM, Blogger Derek said...

If you're going to use a pic of Jack, I vote for the one of him at age 70 swimming across San Fransisco Bay pulling a boat with his teeth.

 
At 11:22 AM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

Did you know that Jack Lalanne invented the "Jumping Jack"? I guess that is pretty gay.

 
At 11:28 AM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

My grandmother throws around the word "dungarees" like they were Brett Meyers' wife. It's especially funny because she stresses the "unga" in the word. She also pronounces the word "roof" like "woof" in "subwoofer". Pretty funny stuff.

I say "yea" with the banner, your dicktatorship.

 
At 11:46 AM, Blogger Chilly Jackwater said...

How about moms who make words plural that aren't, and vice-a versa? My mom will say "I'm going to the Whole Food" or "I think you can get those at Banana Republics" Or how about assholes who say things like "vice-a versa"?

 
At 11:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

nothing like the Gawker to get the comment section going again. this still remains the best blog out there.

 
At 12:02 PM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

The Whole Food is sweet because their express lane says "10 items or fewer" instead of "10 items or less." That's good grammar.

 
At 12:50 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Chilly, good point -- another favorite example of mine in twisted speech comes from the sports world...I love when older gents say things like "The Philadelphias look like a good bet against the spread this week."

 
At 2:00 PM, Blogger bean said...

1. eff gawker. bitch once scooped my transit strike post which likened roger toussaint to forrest whitaker. ok, im just jealous. congrats.
2. two other crimes against humanity: "barnes and nobleS" and "blockbusterS."
3. the second pic of j. lalanne (on the right) is gratuitous. may i suggest a pic of him drinking a tall glass of destroyed embryos, and deriving his super powers therein.

 
At 2:40 PM, Blogger ethan said...

how about switching the pic on the right with uncle jack from arrested development?

dragon - to the nuts!

 
At 2:42 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

The bridge mix! The bridge mix!

Great suggestion. But in this newly formed dictatorship, you're overruled.

 
At 3:23 PM, Blogger the belligerent intellectual said...

"If you don't like that banner, you're a homophobe."

I put it in quote to designate it as my official review.

 
At 7:53 PM, Blogger Boski93 said...

Am I still allowed on since I will admit to being a Reds fan?

I became a fan of theirs, not because they are "the Yankees" (to borrow from Mr. Simmons and about everyone else). I am fan due to all the great Irish and Northern Irish players (Best, Rob and Roy Keane, Whitehurst, and so on.)to play and have played for them.

I will now sit back and accept your scorn.

 
At 8:01 PM, Blogger John Howard said...

The banner is pretty gay, but I'm all for anything, no matter how terrible, that replaces standard templates.

 
At 2:08 AM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

By the time I got to #4 on that Simmons list and Newcastle had not yet been mentioned, I started getting a little nervous.

I did not want to share teams with him.

 
At 4:47 PM, Anonymous en regalia said...

two quick comments...i like the same song by different artists thing...you could toss in the not too shabby studio version of heaven by WSP as well

and for my pet peeve phrasology of the day

"bad catch" when somebody drops something that would have otherwise nestled in their solar plexus if they had not first put their discombobulated dexterity into action

"bad catch"? no, i am sorry but there was no catch involved there whatsoever...

 

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