Thursday, July 27, 2006

You Trow-a 'da Ballio

I want a Sal Fasano jersey T-shirt. It's really a must-get for me.

Sure, he's never played in more than 74 games in a season, he's never scored more than 25 runs, never cracked more than 50 hits and never topped a .254 batting average. He was, however, second in the American League in being hit by pitches in 1998.

But what Sally Fasanowitz lacks in talent and ability he more than makes up for in moustache girth and sheer hustle. The Yank'ums traded for the backup catcher yesterday, and they've yet to lose a game with him on the squad. That's no coincidence, haters.

This guy is just awesome to watch play: a moustachioed, pudgy backstop that kinda twitches and hustles his ass off. But to make his character even better, his official "coming to the plate" music must be Funiculi Funicula, and he should totally play up those famous Italian hand gestures when arguing with the umpire. Plus, every time he's interviewed he should say things like "Da Unit is-a trowing 'dem a-high and in-a-side tonight-a! Allrighty!"

I love him already. Fasano is the key to the AL East title.

Last night was the game of the year, an unbelievable back-and-forth fiasco that had the roommates and I cheering and yelling and cursing and punching the air. But in more important Yanks news, is it really necessary to give Aaron Guiel Andy Pettitte's #46 and Judgepuncher Sidney Ponson Tino Martinez's #24?

I'm not saying they need to retire those jerseys, but how about a five-year waiting period from the last time Buttchin and Connie Gore wore 'em? I know the Yanks don't exactly have a plethora of numbers to choose from with so many retired, but how about some respect for two guys that helped bring four World Series titles to the city?

The jersey is having one effect already -- Aaron Guiel is quickly becoming an Ace fave. It's gotta be the #46.

(Photo courtesy of, with a ScottyB heads up)

Slack Link of the Day: "Britney Spears has sacked the hired help who used to clean the pool at her Malibu, Calif., mansion -- because he became too friendly with her husband, according to reports. Jon LaLanne, the son of fitness guru Jack LaLanne, claims chatting to Kevin Federline got him fired because Spears feared he was only out to get information about her family."

Wait, what? Fuck the Spears angle here, I'm just loving the fact that Jack LaLanne's 45-year-old son is a Hollywood poolboy. Unless there's an "extra anchovies" angle to this, I'm floored by this development.

Slack Video of the Day: I think I've definitely posted this one before, but I just saw it again and thought it had to make its way back up -- Tenacious D's Fuck Her Gently.

Slack Song of the Day: I'm feeling the hip hop this morning, which might be the first time since grade five (maybe Heavy D and the Boyz?) that I've said that. Outkast it is, then -- Roses, The Rooster and Happy Valentine's Day for you.


At 11:48 AM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

Every baseball team needs a few mustaches on it. I've think that if my Brew-crew really wanted a spark to get the team turned around, Atanasio should make every player on the team grow a big fat handlebar mustache so they looked more like these guys:§ion=entertainment

The fans would love it.

At 12:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fasano needs to come to the plate to the Theme From Super Mario Brothers.

Plus does this guy not have the best name to be playing in New York?

It's amazing that the Yanks are 1 1/2 game behind the Sox with this team. They're managing to win games with cast-offs from the Devil Rays, Royals and now the Phillies. Amazing.

At 12:18 PM, Blogger ScuffyMcgee said...


He looks just like Clue Haywood, however I don't think he has quite the power of that fictional character, or the likelihood of winning the Cy Young award as in C.H.'s non fictional existence.

At 12:29 PM, Anonymous johnny6 said...

Right on Scuffy, I was thinking the same thing. Now that he's actually wearing the proper jersey you think when he goes to the plate he'll says "Hey Jake Taylor how's your wife and my kids?"

At 12:44 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yes yes, Clue Haywood is a great call, and you should both be commended on your penchant for nailing pinstriped doppelgangers.

Scuffy, as the biggest Yankee fan I know (I know hundreds, but you are always #1 on that list considering the last time you missed a home game was the late 80s), what do you think about the second part of that post? Should Guiel and Judgepuncher get the uniform numbers so easily or should there be a waiting period? I'm serious about that. Again, I'm not arguing for retirement, but what about just cooling the fuck out for a little while?

At 1:01 PM, Blogger ScuffyMcgee said...

I thought the same thing about these players, but the yankees are weird when it comes to numbers. Perhaps you will disagree with this, but I don't think Reggie Jackson's number should have been retired. He played here for 5 years, and had he not hit 3 homers in a game he would have never gotten it retired. I mean shouldn't Knoblauch and Brosius get there numbers retired? 4 years of service, 4 World Series appearances and 3 titles.

Sorry about the digression, but based on the Yankee shortage of numbers, I think that these numbers, especially 46 since he is still active are in fact fair game. As I see it, a number is either retired or its available, and until Constantino or Endy Pettitte day, as long as you are on the squad, the numbers are available.

At 1:10 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

I think that Poolboy Proving Ground would have been a better name, but sauzich his own.

Rhythm Guitar, Bitches!

I've already emailed him twice asking (1)if he gets paid to work or talk and (2) do the Jon LaLanne Experiment cover Dirty Laundry....

At 1:18 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Allright, Scuffy, fair enough. I think there should be a small waiting period, just for goodwill. I mean, Pettitte was my favorite Yankee so I'm biased, but Aaron Guiel is no Andy Pettitte.

Hey, when does Pauly's number go up? Next summer?

The Jon LaLanne experiment doing Dirty Laundry > Ridin' Dirty > Summer Breeze > Let's Hear It for the Boy would be "epic," as the kidz say.

At 1:32 PM, Blogger brickmyers said...

#24 was mine long befor Tino or the other guy!

At 1:40 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Unless you're Kevin Maas, I don't know what you're talking about.

At 1:58 PM, Blogger Some Dude said...

I have to agree that Reggie didn't really deserve to have his retired, but apparantly that was part of the deal he made with The Boss. He got his numbered retired and he went into the hall as a Yankee. The Hall as done away with that policy now of the player picking what team they want to go in as and they chose instead.

I'm pretty much indifferent to Guiel and Ponson rocking those numbers, but I think I would be pissed if one of them was wearing #21 so I can understand it. But Tino and Pettite didn't have long tenures with the Yanks - yes they did win rings, but has to have to do with it.

Plus no one got pissed when Jeter got to wear Dale Berra's number.

At 2:04 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Some Dude, Pettitte and Pauly had the exact same length of service with the Yanks -- nine seasons. Pettitte pitched from 1995-2003 while Pauly played right field from 1993-2001. Both have four Yankee rings, both have big moments in Pinstripes, only one has a buttchin.

Now I'm not arguing for Pettitte's number to be retired (I can, but I won't), but I don't think it'd be nuts to hold the number until they can be sure.

At 2:26 PM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

Clue Haywood=Pete Vuckovich of the very same 80's Brew-crew. He won the Cy Young award in 82. They had the mustache squad in the 80s. Besides him, they had Rollie Fingers, Robin Yount, Gorman Thomas, Jim Gantner, Charlie Moore and Mike Caldwell.

At 2:28 PM, Blogger Some Dude said...

And only one made a commercial about loving Jesus.

As much as I would like to see O'Neill's number retired I don't think it's going to happen - just my opinion. I never understood why they retired Guidry's number.

Next up will be Bernie, followed by Mariano, Torre and Jeter.

At 4:11 PM, Blogger brickmyers said...

Look here cowboy, Im Rickey Henderson. #24 is mine.

At 10:50 AM, Blogger Derek said...

Once Jeter (2) and Torre (9) have their numbers retired, that does it for the single digits.

Heh. I remember when David Wells first came to the Yanks he said he'd "like to have number 3". To which the team responded "Uh David, that one's retired"

At 11:08 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Torre is number 6, derek. Maris was #9, and I believe that is retired already. Funny how #8 is retired twice.

At 11:13 AM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

They should start using letters.


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