Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Help Me Raise the Jolly Roger

Help Me
I have the #2 pick in tonight's fantasy football draft. The league is for big money, and people take it fairly seriously, much like every other fantasy football league in the world. I won my inaugural year in the league and have been bounced from the playoffs early every year since. I'm ready to re-claim that trophy.

If Mr. Larry Johnson's there, I'm clearly taking him. He likely won't be, as the team that picks first overall has had LJ each of the past two seasons, winning the title both times. We hate those fuckers. But if he's gone, who do I take with the #2 pick this year: LaDainian Tomlinson, Shaun Alexander or Chad Pennington?

Initially I thought about Shaun, but now I'm leaning towards my boy LDT. I'd love to take the Jets' D there, but I think it's a round or two early. I know the obvious pros and cons of each franchise back (I'm wicked smaht), but I'd love to hear what people are thinking. Weigh in below in the comments section with some sound advice...

Bonus points if you can identify where my team name -- Double Wing (Double Wing) -- comes from...

Raise the Jolly Roger
As I said earlier this month, one of the best parts about having the beisbol package is the ability to either praise or prod the announcers in other markets. Last night's effort by Pittsburgh's FSN crew was hysterically over-indulgent, so much so that I had to rewind and transcribe the whole exchange (strangely, I am spectacularly amazing when it comes to transcription). I don't know why I'm so amused by a local call, but I just am, and that's me:

"The Buckos have defeated the Cubs! Ball four! Raise the Jolly Roger, an improbable come-from-behind win at PNC Park!"
"Call the Cops there's been a robbery!"
"A walk-off walk...Batista gets an RBI, and the Pirates defeat the Cubs. Yup, you could raise the Jolly Roger after all."
"Well, you take them any way you can get 'em and just sneak off into the night and get ready for tomorrow's game..."
"That's unbelievable."
"Somebody had to win this baseball game. That's just...There's no clock. Somebody's gonna win it."
"Well, the Cubs didn't want this one."

The Pirates defeated the Cubs 7-6 in 11 innings last night, falling behind by just one run in the 11th, only to win it with a bases loaded walk in the bottom half. You'd have thought the Bucs came back from five runs with a six-run grander slam to defeat a 120-win Yankees team in the World Series, not the 54-78 Cubbies, who are also 1-9 in their last 10, in a meaningless game. These guys managed to combine irrational exuberance with moronic statements and complete non-sequitors to form the perfect game-ending call.

And I'm sure all of Pittsburgh appreciated it. Kudos bar to them.

Slack Google Searches of the Day: how long is a chinaman?, how do you pronounce biopic, what does yah mo b there mean, how to make jack link's jerky, how much has barry bonds' head grown, Dale Earnhardt sr myspace, bus good boobs, screech penis, mike lowell hidden ball trick video, ravishing rick rude poster, "get off my train" clip from ghost, police dogs and psilocybin mushrooms, slack lalane fasano, and dakota fanning rape pics.

Slack Video of the Day: Hoobs had a radio show in college at which I was the Heather Locklear DJ. I was always "Guest Starring," even though I was a mostly permanent fixture on the show. But it allowed me to skip certain nights when I felt like it, while Hoobs was anchored to the chair rain or shine, drunk or sober. It was awesome. I wish I took it more seriously.

I bring this up because the show's theme song was Peter Tosh's cover of Steppin' Razor, which quickly became one of my favorite songs ever (my friends really have great taste in music, I've been blessed). And ever since, I've had a soft spot for Mr. Tosh, based mainly on that song, and of course, Legalize It. So when a YouTube video of Tosh and Mick Jagger singing Don't Look Back crossed my path yesterday, I knew I had a Video of the Day. Enjoy this awesomeness.

Slack Song of the Day: Here's some more Peter Tosh for ya this morning -- Equal Rights/Downpressor Man, Oh Bumbo Klaat, and a really cool ska reggae version of Johnny B. Goode.


At 12:28 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

LT my man. Shauny had over 430 carries last year, including playoffs. Historically, RBs that have over 370 carries in a season (and if memory serves, 390 counting playoff games) decline fairly significatly the next season, and are at a much higher risk of injury. If you do take Shauny, make sure you also pick up Maurice Morris. I'd also be cognizant of the state of the KC offensive line, having lost Willy Roaf. LJ might suffer a decline, although he still looks great.

LT is the safe bet.

At 12:35 PM, Blogger Snacks said...

Fantasy football drafts are not about picking the best available player. They are about filling your team with players you like, especially players from your favorite team. I was in a draft last year where some deusche from Michigan picked Kevin Jones with the 2nd overall pick. So, I think you follow suit and pick Chad or the starting Jets RB.

At 12:40 PM, Anonymous Superperk said...

Go with LT, especially if your league gives a point per reception. He's gonna be Rivers' outlet all season.

"Sarge 'Fumblina' Wilkerson fumbles the ball."

At 12:54 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Superperk, you get a prize...but that prize is not redeemable unless you have 34Ds or a 10-inch cock. I have no idea what that even means.

No points per reception, we're strictly a yardage and touchdown league.

Kevin Jones #2 got me LT at #3 last I love the state of Michigan now.

At 12:59 PM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

He took LJ each of the last two years? By that do you mean both this and last year? That quote officially confused me.

If it was the year before last last year, then you have to be dealing with somesort of sven-jolly.

Anyway, just pick up Alexander and be glad youre not drafting 4th or 5th. THOSE positions stink.

At 1:11 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

No, they drafted him last year and picked him up in 2004 at the end of the year when he was starting to show he could run all over everyone...

At 1:30 PM, Anonymous ChipotleBob said... us the arm. Don't take Alexander, he's on the cover of Madden this year.

At 1:45 PM, Blogger Claven said...

Rivers has got nothin'. The Bolts essentially have a rookie QB this year. LDT had more yards during Brees' first few years when he sucked. However, he scored more TDs once Brees started playing well. I'd expect his stats to revert to his first couple of years.

My ffl has the same yardage and td rules. Our draft went: Alexander, Johnson and then LDT. I felt like Charlie Brown getting a rock at number 8...Tiki. Something about breaking down like the Bluesmobile...

At 2:03 PM, Blogger Mr. Underhill said...

I have not played a game of football since like '94 without yelling "double wing, double wing" at least once every set of downs. You play football like a Generro played football - like a wild animal, no, like a goddam rampaging beast. I love Robert Loggia.

I think LDT is the clear winner here.

And Snacks, there was a German (almost) from Michigan in your fantasy league?

At 3:28 PM, Blogger rainmansuite said...

LT, all the way. i do not trust the seahawks this year. i like them young legs.

At 3:32 PM, Blogger Chilly Jackwater said...

I just googled "Dakota Fanning rapes Kevin Jones Big Red 34D Cactus" and ended up here.

At 4:38 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...


What Alexander has working against him:

1) Too many carries (as noonan points out);

2) No longer in contract year;

3) Lose of the best offensive guard in the league;

4) On the cover of Madden.

LT. All the way.

At 4:46 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Thanks, J. I liked your breakdown last week, by the way.

I am aware of all those factors, but I'm not sold that the Hutchinson thing is as big as everyone thinks. Guards are often MUCH easier to replace than tackles. Still, everything else you guys mentioned about him scares me at #2.

But LT has things working against him, too. I mean, who are SD's wide receivers (besides Gates comin' out from TE)? Why wouldn't every defense in the league put 8 or even 9 guys in the box? That scares me more than losing Hutch.

At 6:24 PM, Blogger NewmRadio said...

Didn't Tosh WRITE "Steppin' Razor?"


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