Monday, August 07, 2006

Lester Burnham Moments

This weekend I figured out what I consider the most awkward part of societal interaction: second meetings, following a notable time gap.

I can't think of anything more embarassing than a mutual friend re-introducing you to someone you've met maybe three or four months earlier, only they don't have the slightest recollection of the first encounter. There's nothing more injurious to the ego than that deafening moment following "Oh hey, Ace, have you met Buelah?" when I say, "Oh yes, absolutely" as they simultaneously declare "No, I don't think we have."

Sometimes I want to respond, "Really? You don't remember me? You don't recall the time we met in Phlox's apartment shortly after Arbor Day, when we stood by the window and discussed passionately how the downfall of Monday Night Football began shortly after they replaced MacGyver as the lead-in program? No? You have no memory of my smooth segue into how I thought you looked like a young Jessica Tandy and how I wanted to dress up in blackface, narrate a story and drive you to the Piggly Wiggly? Well, I sure as shit remember it, as I remember our witty repartee about the little girls that fall down wells and how they deserve to wither and rot. I fucking remember you."

Usually, though, I'll just make some self-deprecating yet still narcissistic remark a la the hero of this post's subject and pretend I've also never met them. "Oh, right, I was thinking of someone else." I musta been thinking of someone who gives a damn about me. Someone who knows I'm special. Like my mommy.

Slack Recommendation of the Day: I took in an absolutely incredible movie called Brothers of the Head this weekend. The story itself is the fucking bees' knees -- conjoined twins sold by their father to a producer in order to become the next great pop band, but instead the boys turn punk and rock out with their British cocks out, drinking and drugging and sexing and loving, basically leading a Sid Vicious-esque life. But like the story, the filmmaking is also genius, shot brilliantly in classic mock-documentary style without so much as a head fake towards reality. If this movie's playing anywhere near you, which it's likely not, go see it. Marvin K. Mooney will you please go now...

Slack Quote of the Day: "I can take you to the trough, but I can't put the pussy on top of you." --OJ Simpson, as can be heard on the new website, JUDGEOJ.com [Quotation taken from the NY Post article]

Slack Video of the Day: Check out this hilarious clip of a public access television host getting pranked by an army of well-trained pranksters. It starts off kinda slow, but by three minutes you'll literally be laughing out loud. "A caller called before with a very valid point..."

Slack Song of the Day: I went out to the dust bowl known as Randall's Island on Saturday to see the Dave Matthews Band. Well, no I didn't.

I guess DMB was the headliner of the six-band sun-soaked fiesta, but we left shortly before he serenaded the popped-collared and oversized-sunglassed masses with his own brand of unintelligibility and inferior musicianship.

Say what you will about the man, but Dave puts on a fantastic undercard. We got to see Ace favorites Tea Leaf Green and Bela Fleck & The Flecktones, as well as Yonder Mountain String Band, Slightly Stoopid (which was Slightly Terrible) and the first half of Government Mule. Bela Fleck's Stomping Grounds > Wipeout > old timey dixie music > Wipeout > Stomping Grounds stole the show, but TLG was the overall highlight of the day, as very well expected.

'Twas my ninth Tea Leaf show in 11 months, and I cannot be sweeter on a live touring band than I am on them. In honor, here's Sex in the 70s, Garden Part III, Incandescent Devil, and Can You Guess It?.

20 Comments:

At 11:35 AM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

I never understood the dislike for Dave Matthews that you true jam band fans always seem to show. My hippy ex-girlfriend was the same way. She seemed to judge the band's music by the crowd it attracted. Now I realize that you, Ace, have a more seasoned ear for music than my hippy ex-girlfriend did. But whenever you mock Dave Matthews, you always seem to mention popped collars or frat boys. Absent the douchbaggery in the crowd, do you really dislike his music that much?

Full disclosure: I stand out like a sore thumb at a Phish concert or Bella Fleck concert (although I've been to both). I don't pop my collar, as that would be ridiculous, but I usually have a collar and I'm extremely handsome.

 
At 11:55 AM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

"OK honey, I won't be weird. I'll be whatever what you want me to be."

 
At 12:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know, I've been a big Dave Matthews fan since the release of their 1994 album "Under the Table and Dreaming". With popcorn acoustic guitars, trampoline fiddles, bumper-car bass lines, and caramel-coated sax, the Dave Matthews Band's major-label debut is like an evening at the fair. "The Best of What's Around" and "What Would You Say" swirl like the amusement-park ride on the album's cover, sweeping the exhilarated and lightheaded listener higher as the ride spins faster. "Satellite" glides breezily like the prettiest horse on the carousel and is an epic meditation on intangibility. "Ants Marching" runs around hitting the bell with the sledgehammer and winning the largest stuffed animals at the target-range booths while Dave addresses the problems of abusive political authority, and "Lover Lay Down" is the quietest moment on the disc, a great, great song and a personal favorite--like the sun setting on a baby's sleeping, snow-cone-stained face collapsed on her daddy's shoulder. Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it.

 
At 12:13 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

Can someone please explain to me what the fuck that was all about (re: Anonymous' review of "Under the Table and Dreaming")?

I think it was pretty funny, but I'm not sure.

 
At 12:21 PM, Blogger Some Dude said...

Yeah I'm with you on that. Not sure if that was meant to be tongue in cheek or not. If it wasn't we must hunt this person down and beat the snot out of them.

 
At 12:27 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I'd bet that's either Jake Zebra, Donnie Fiedler or one of the other "total assholes" that frequent this rag. Or it's Mulgrew himself, who threw the subsequent post in there as an alibi.

As for me, Danny, to answer your question, I just go along with the crowd. Some Phish "phans" told me to hate DMB, and now I do. That, coupled with the fact that he's 100% responsible for breaking up Phish, and now you have my reasons.

 
At 12:29 PM, Anonymous johnny6 said...

If that was an origional composition made in the comments section of this here blog then wow.

Ace - In that situation, screw the self-deprecation and lay on the guilt nice and thick. No comment from me on the DMB "jamming," although the #41 with Bela and the 'tones I will surely listen to. Were there any standout sections from the TLG boys teaser set?

 
At 12:36 PM, Anonymous Dave Matthews said...

If af if za Phishn fans id dithin on my boyn 'n I strictliness for are popalarity, knowwhatI'm talkin' about. But make no stakes, sug, we know zactly hows to play, you hear.

Yeah, jus like that.

 
At 12:36 PM, Blogger Some Dude said...

I was at the show on Saturday too. That #41 jam went on a little too long and no one really wanted to step up to contribute until Jeff Coffin literally blew everyone off the stage with some great solos and Victor Wooten was solid as well. Dave seemed to want Bela to show off his banjo skilz, but that didn't happen.

Missed TLG set would have like to have caught it.

 
At 12:44 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Re: TLG -- That Sex in the 70s before G3 to close the set was un-fucking-believable.

There was only a small crowd there, but all the people around the stage were diggin' it tremendously. Josh tore the shit out of it, tore that shit right out. There were three members of my party who had never seen them, and all three were moved to tears. Well, not tears per se, but they did enjoy it thoroughly.

I just decided I'm gonna go see them on LI on Thursday...

 
At 1:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A voice like Dave Matthews only comes along every generation or so, (if that) Groban, Stevie Wonder, Pavarotti and now Dave; They are my big 4. Not only does Dave have wonderful singing skills, but also tremendous range, as well. As for technical singing ability, Dave's breath control is amazing; no one holds high, mid, and low notes (sang either intensely or softly) as long as he does. His diction is excellent; his tone is wonderful; his color is right in synch to the song being performed, dark or light, and all shades around those as needed. He has that tenor ring that can rise up over the band, he sings just beautifully. He can sing a pop song either in a contemporary way, or a bluesy way or almost anyway. He has tremendous versatility, I would rank him right at the top of singing for all time. Dave can sing big, bold, intense and beautiful, or can show us a soft side and it seems like he is singing in one's ear, very sweetly and beautifully while trying to remove your panties with crowbar and a can of WD-40.

 
At 1:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

..I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to be Square", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself.

 
At 2:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

so you've narrowed the first anon commenter down to three individuals or some other person.....let me save you some time, detective, she's at the bottom of a well in the basement of Jame Gumb's house rubbing lotion on herself (whenever she is told). If you hurry, you can save her before she dies of old age.

 
At 2:59 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

The first anonymous poster reminds me of the only cool thing John Kerry ever said...

"It's one thing to be certain, but you can be certain and be wrong."

Nice America Psycho drop in, btw.

 
At 5:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke...I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility...Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority...Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and Against All Odds. Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it...This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.

 
At 5:23 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

More American Psycho quotes? That joke ended at like 1:30, I think. At this point, if it's not about "returning some videotapes," I don't wanna hear it.

 
At 7:39 AM, Blogger FatMan in Charlotte said...

Dudes,

Love the blog - great stuff

 
At 9:04 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

We thank you, fat man. Donnie thanks you. He works hard. Weekends.

 
At 12:32 PM, Anonymous HANDSTAND said...

A few days late to the party, but whatevs. I will say although I don't particularly enjoy the crowds at DMB shows, I think he is a fantastic songwriter, especially the romance-infused ditties. Say Goodbye might be one of the coolest songs ever.

 
At 8:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://www.guardian.co.uk/usa/story/0,,1839914,00.html

too bad, these girls might have had a future recording contract...or maybe an acting gig

 

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