Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Self-Racism

I'm standing in my usual spot on the north side of Bleecker Street, minding my own.

Last week's heat hath returned (in part) and exascerbated my chronic lethargy, but I manage to start myself towards the bodega a few doors down in search of tasty beverages.

Two formerly mounted policemen exit the most underrated sandwich shoppe in the city and hop back up on their equine friends. At that moment, a tall, dark halogen lamp of a man, not unlike a shorter Manute Bol in appearance, stops dead in his tracks and stares intently at the horses.

I take a few steps closer to the bodega and stop outside, perhaps unconsciously waiting for a reaction of sorts. The horses begin to trot east with their respective officers aboard, and Manute Minus a Foot turns the other way following an intense 10-second glimpse. He shakes his undersized head and catches my gaze.

"Sheet!," he exclaims in the manner of how I perceive the negro Jones from A Confederacy of Dunces would sound in real life. "'Dat horse got bigger cock than me! Fuck!"

The excited African continues to shake his head and walk towards 6th Avenue. I chuckle inside and out before acquiring a drink and returning to my air conditioning. You, sir, are a self-racist.

Slack In Memorium of the Day: Eleven years ago today I was a fresh-faced, 16-year-old sassmouth playing softball in Northeast Pennsylvania when I heard the news Jerry Garcia had died. The world lost a great white beard that day, and Robert Hunter said as much (and a little more) last year. Eleven years. Sad.

Slack Video of the Day: From the desk of ScottyB comes this gem... You've all probably heard the country-style Gin and Juice by The Gourds (mislabeled on Napster as Phish and circulated as such). Well here's a short little video of Snoop Dogg listening to it and seemingly enjoying himself. Wish it were longer, but it is what it is.

Slack Links of the Day: From the "How the Once Mighty Have Fallen" files, I think it's about time we lock up Mr. Clarett for a little while. I wonder what's more valuable to him these days, the national championship ring or the loaded rifle, three handguns and hatchet police found in his car after a car chase and a Mace-ing.

And from the "Pornographers are People, Too" file, here's a pretty cool profile on the guy who brought college boobies to your living room, Joe Francis.

Slack Song of the Day: It's August 9th, and I've already mentioned the day's significance, so I think a little Jerry Garcia Band is in order this morning: Ripple, Cats Under the Stars, and Deal.

7 Comments:

At 1:10 PM, Blogger dhodge said...

Any young ladies in the general vicinity at the time of this proclamation? It may have been some self-racist self-promotion. Great story, nonetheless.

 
At 2:29 PM, Anonymous Jmoney said...

the proper response i think is "really? i thought it was sort of small compared to myself."

standing on the moon with nothing left to do... a lovely view of heaven but i'd rather be with you..

 
At 2:43 PM, Blogger coach said...

i read that joe francis piece the other day. he's a real scumbag.

 
At 2:46 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah coach, Joe Francis, while spreading the love (literally), is a Grade-A douchebottle. Just phenomenally douchey.

As for the comment, I was too blown away by it to respond. Usually I'm fairly quick-witted, even though I'm a dimwit, but I couldn't even manage a proper smile. Just a classic line by that dude. Never expected that. I got sideswiped by comedy.

Be with you........

 
At 3:21 PM, Blogger rainmansuite said...

yep that dude from the post should totally get fucking fired. it sounds like he has no idea who wooten is.

 
At 8:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Didn't actually finish reading the whole article, but your reference to the confederacy of dunces struck me as ingenious... nice job.

 
At 6:29 AM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

Ace, with that Mo Clarrett arrest, how could you not have a little "Ridin Dirty" as the song of the day?

 

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