Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Back To Business

In an unusual move for a self-centered blogger, I'd like to thank all of youse for the truly staggering amount of emotion you poured into the comments section of yesterday's 9/11 anniversary post. I called for an open thread not knowing what would result, and you guys delivered like DiGiorno rising crust pizza never does.

As of the time of this post, Slack Commenters had written more than 6,500 words in 28 separate comments, not one of which featuring so much as a nod to the usual brand of irreverent douchebaggery most of us are keen on embracing. I cannot stress enough how awesome it was to read through your eloquent and heartfelt sentiment.

So thanks for making yesterday the least biting day in this blog's history, aka The Day That Slack Was Lamer Than FDR's Legs. Now I feel like I've gotta make child rape and McGreevey jokes all day just to scrub the warmth and fuzziness off this thing. That's right, squandering all the good will from yesterday seems to me like a real no-brainer, a total Schiavo.

Switching gears without a segue, the first official Great Sports Weekend of the unofficial fall ended last night. When people ask me what I did this weekend, my answer has been, "I don't know...but I'm pretty sure I watched way too many sporting contests, and I'm 99.44 percent certain that my lovable ol' Jets will be in the Super Bowl." Chad Sexington, I loves ya, and I love that new zip.

All told, I caught 13 games from start to finish, with several quick glances of other games thrown in for good measure. What follows is a look at how I completely wasted a weekend:

Set I: Liverpool/Everton Merseyside Derby > Arsenal/Middlesbrough > Manchester United/Tottenham Hotspur* > Notre Dame/Penn State** > Ohio State/Texas > Blackburn/Sheffield United***

Set II: Aston Villa/West Ham^ > Jets/Titans and Eagles/Texans^^ > Cowboys/Jaguars > Giants/Colts Manning Bowl I^^^

Enc: Redskins/Vikings** > Chargers/Raiders#

*with Illinois/Rutgers and North Carolina/Va. Tech teases
**with Yankees/Orioles tease
***delayed, with sleep teases
^with special guest, Bacon Egg & Cheese on a roll
^^with two television setup
^^^after Shockey scores and hands the ball to a military dude in the endzone, Madden says "We need more of that in football." Apparently we need more military guys in the corner of the endzone so that whomever scores can hand them the ball
# tape cuts out early in the fourth quarter

Slack Link of the Day: I don't know what's funnier, that a furniture store promised free shit to its customers if the Bears shut out the Packers this weekend and now owes refund checks to the tune of $300,000, or that it appears Saddam Hussein joined the cast of Kids in the Hall and vows to crush our heads. I am crushing your head!

Slack Video of the Day: I can't think of anything funnier than a wannabe stripper falling on her head while messing with the pole during amateur contests. And now that I see this video clip here, my original suspicions have been confirmed. It's safe for work, but not safe if your allergic to laughing at heifers.

Slack Song of the Day: This morning I'm feeling some Dead, whether you like it or not, and most likely you don't -- They Love Each Other, Dancin' in the Streets and U.S. Blues from Buffalo 1979.


At 11:08 AM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

Ace, you somehow failed to mention your alma-mata' loosing to a D-II school.**

Also, Notre Dame football gave me a tremendous boner on Saturday. A TREMENDOUS BONER.

**in all fairness, i went to a d-ii school that didn't even have an american football program, so that makes my school even worse than yours.

At 11:15 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

No, I didn't. It never happened. You know, that whole thing about our first home game after the coach fucking dies and we're playing for his memory against a D-II school? Right, no, it never happened.

Notre Dame looked damn good...let's see what they do against Michigan and Michigan State before September ends.

At 2:06 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

tremendous boner, solid band name.

ladies and gentlemen, please join me in giving them a HUUUUUUGE Vein Popping welcome, TREMEEEENDOUS BONEEEEEEEEEEER

At 6:16 PM, Blogger ahren said...

bacon at the ham match. irreverent!


Post a Comment

<< Home