Friday, September 29, 2006

Rabbit Punch Caption Contest

Many people are scared of China. The Red Star is rising, and within the next two decades those emulating bastards will be a true global superpower, on equal footing with the United States. Interestingly, though, this time the world's also-rans will likely side with the fun- lovin' Commies over the Freedomers in the first great popularity contest of the new millenium.

Why the worry? There could be a war over the liberty of Chinese Taipei (or what the roundeyes call "Taiwan") and the rights to Chien-Ming Wang. We may see protective tariffs erected in the fight against cheap Chinese goods amid a backlash over the dismantling of the American manufacturing base. China's military build-up and refusal to properly deal with North Korea might send false signals of a rice-driven alliance, causing Washington to draw up battle plans.

But we've got nothing to be afraid of, folks. As long as the Chinese are hosting events like the fourth annual Animal Olympics, we're gonna be friends 'til the day we die. Shanghai is the place to be right now, the only spot on the globe that features a man dressed as a clown full-on boxing a marsupial. We should be scared of this? No, we should embrace our entrepreneurial friends and encourage them to beat up dogs too, because dogs suck.

"Since the Irwin estate won't let me box Steve's dead corpse, I guess I'll beat up on this frickin' kangaroo instead."

So what say you, Slackers? Got anything funny this morning? I surely don't, but I figured I'd turn to you for excitement on this Friday.

Slack Link of the Day: New! Wigs for babies! Holy hell, check this article out, the pictures alone will make you want a kid.

Slack Video of the Day: Male Restroom Etiquette, courtesy of The Sims and whoever put this brilliant thing together.

Slack Song of the Day: Six years ago this weekend, Donnie and I flew to Las Vegas for the first time ever, with no hotel room and no real plan. The popular rock band Phish was playing two shows at the Thomas & Mack, and like any two upper-middle class kids from the 'burbs, we just had to be there.

On our way into the 9/29 show, we noticed Kid Rock standing outside, just chillin' at the front of the line to get in. A few hours later, he joined the band for the last half hour of the show, and no matter what Phish Revisionists want to say now, he tore the roof off that place. You want to talk about instant energy? He came out and electrified the crowd with a stellar Walk This Way, a comedic Rapper's Delight and a kickass You Shook Me All Night Long, before coming back out with the boys for a We're An American Band encore.

The weekend itself was one of the most incredible experiences of my life, including but not limited to my first meeting with two of my musical idols. And while the 9/30 show stands out as the better of the two, I'll never forget that first night's show, being incredibly hopped up on all kind of club drugs and speed and probably horse tranquilizer wondering what the fuck was going on inside that packed that fucking Kid Rock? Sure was. Only in Vegas.


At 11:05 AM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

Was it on the 29th or 30th that we hoisted a fat hippy girl over a fence used to keep people out of an arroyo? Man, those were good times.

At 11:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OH YEA - SICK TIMES! Will never forget those shows. FISH SING THAT SONG....


At 11:09 AM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

The only thing that worries me about China is the fact that they're all getting big. They all used to be so cute and tiny (they still smelled different, but at least they were cute). Now with, Ming Yao, and Zing Zhane, and Cream of Sum Yung Boy, I'm scared shitless.

Nothing freaks me out faster than a large Asian.

At 11:26 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Hey, Fluff, you're welcome for saving those seats. I said you're welcome!

I believe that was the 29th,, that whole weekend ran together. I think it was the first night, though, because the second night we went straight to Fluff's Bellagio suite and I don't remember hoisting any chubby faux hippies on our way there. What a fucking trip, my heart is still beating fast thinkin about the amount of ephedra we swallowed -- shit, had we been in hotter weather and offensive linemen, we easily would have died.

At 11:47 AM, Blogger hoobs said...

Picture of the first visitor at the opening of the new Chinese theme-park "Klazy Kangaloos"

At 12:06 PM, Blogger Lozo said...

it looks as though we share the same brain and are both amused by asians and marsupials.

At 1:24 PM, Blogger Passion of the Weiss said...

that phish story is outstanding..Im goddamned jealous that I never saw the band...they never came to La their last two years touring and I had liked hip hop exclusively before that...sometimes I am a very foolish person...

Boxing that's what life's about.

At 1:52 PM, Anonymous Jmoney said...

dont forget fishman's simulating kid rock's deceased midget friend giving kid oral sex.

we walked the wrong way home after the show and had to hoist up over the fence too. we don't allow fat chicks in our crew though.

one too many heart pounders on the phreddy and i'm done with that shit slack.

At 2:13 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah, Fishman's Joe C impersonation may have been the official downfall of Phish. Personally, I thought it was a hilarious throwback to the days when they used to actually have fun on stage, and I loved it. This is Cock Rock. Let Kid Rock.

Weiss, man, that's allright. You didn't miss much -- I didn't even like them that much. I just talk about them on here for show, to be considered "cool." Their shows were garbage. Nothing to see here. Rap is much better, especially live.

At 4:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You would think that Ichiro Suzuki would not have to box marsupials this in the off season, but the Mariners pay all of their asian players in rice and Nintendo 64 cartridges. Pity.

At 4:53 PM, Blogger Passion of the Weiss said...

I like but don't love them...not how I love the Dead...though I definitely respect Phish if nothing else for their musical abilities, their covers and of course, "bouncing round the room" and "fee." However, one of my closest friends was a major Phish fan and constantly taunts me about how brilliant they were. I'm sure I'll catch them on the "Mike Gordon Needs Money to Pay His Child Molesting Relating Legal Bills Tour" of 2010.

At 5:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whew! What a weekend! I barely made it out alive from that Vegas run.

This pic sums it all up:


Post a Comment

<< Home