Friday, September 22, 2006

Soon To Be Investigating The Anus

You know who totally belongs in federal prison? Those two amazingly talented investigative reporters from the San Francisco Chronicle that broke the BALCO story wide open and brought about serious social change for good. Those two, we should definitely lock them up for, say, 18 months or so. Just a brilliant idea.

Lance Williams and Mark Fainaru-Wada, you may be the only real sports journalists left with an ounce of integrity and superior skills, but you're not above the law. Nobody's above the law. Not even Steven Seagal. And he's fucking awesome. So unless youse guys each earn 8th-degree black belts in aikido between now and the appeal, you best be ready to cover the Salad Tossing with Jelly or Syrup championships.

Slack Link of the Day: For the first time ever, only billionaires populate the Forbes 400 List of Richest Americans. As expected, Bill Gates and Warren "Jimmy" Buffett are the top two wealthiest dudes with $100 billion between the two of them. As a whole, the top 400 richest hold a combined $1.25 trillion in wealth. That is fucking awesome. I've got like $9. Ten, tops.

Slack Video of the Day: Proving you can only win the raffle if you buy a ticket, Liverpool's Xabi Alonso scored a goal from 70 yards out in his own half in a 2-0 win against Newcastle the other day. Granted, the goalie stumbles to the ground as the ball comes towards him, but you have to give Xabi Alonso credit for the pace of the shot. Whether you're a soccer fan or not, check out the Liverpool midfielder's wicked goal from Wednesday. Also, the good folks at The Red Cauldron take a look at some of the best wonder goals ever scored.

Slack Song of the Day: For perhaps the first time ever on this here rag, I'm playing the part of Casey Kasem or Rick Dees (nuts). It's an all-request day here on Slack, and our buddy Alex over at The FYC wants to hear Strange Design by the popular rock band Phish. Al, enjoy your pebbles, this one's from 12/31/95.

For everyone that hates The Phish from Vermont, help yourself to a live version of The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway by Genesis and Radio GaGa by Queen. For no reason whatsoever.


At 1:29 PM, Blogger Chilly Jackwater said...

I have two requests, Casey. I'd like to send a long distance dedication. You see, four years ago, I was driving down I-95, on my way to a family reunion, the first since my brother came out of the closet and announced to my parents at Thanksgiving that he was having a sex change and that we should get used to calling him "Nancy" which sent my father into a blind rage that ended with him shooting the family dog. While I was driving along, thinking about that day, I picked up a one-legged hitchiker who claimed that he was Corbin Bernsen's brother. I didn't doubt him either. His knowledge of LA Law is unprecedented in today's society. While debating whether or not Dana Delaney was really all that hot or if it was just because The Animaniacs thought they were, I hit a Cambodian man, Pho, severly injuring him. I just heard that Pho's hip replacement surgery went well, so I'd like to dedicate 90210's Ray Pruitt's "How Do You Talk To An Angel?" to Pho.

Oh, and since it was also New Year's Eve last night, can you please play "After Midnight" from Big Cypress?


At 1:41 PM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

Wow, not only did I get my request played, but I was also (unkowningly) named the 297th richest American alive by Steve Forbes, and (knowingly) the 12th sexiest American alive by "Teve Torbes."

September 22, 2006: A banner day for Al Fritz, brought to you by Slack LaLane and Empire Carpets.

Remeber kids, that 588-2300 EMPIRE!

At 2:13 PM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

Did you notice how many people on the list of richest people are college dropouts? OF teh top 5, only Buffet didn't drop out. The next five or so are Walmart kids. Why oh why did I stay in shool? For 8 years.

How 'bout some more TTWS Casey? Last time you played them, the comments section unexpectedly lit up.

At 2:34 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Niiiice, Chilly, I'll try to find me some tunes from The Heights and play them for you whenever.

Save big money at Menaaaaards.


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