Wednesday, October 18, 2006

About Dennis Green

I don't exactly love quoting Eric Cartman as the voice of reason, but I feel I must this morning: "What's the big fuckin' deal, bitch?"

Maybe I'm just being contrarian here, but I personally don't think Dennis Green's meltdown ranks anywhere near the all-time greats. Whatever, so the guy repeated the same stupid line a few times a couple minutes removed from a tough loss. I'd have thought it much more classic if he painted himself purple and yelled, "Call me Grimace, motherfuckers. I said call me fucking Grimace!"

As it stands, the Denny Green meltdown didn't do it for me. It doesn't hold a candle to Jim Mora's "Playoffs?" rant, or even Mora's "Diddly-Poo" blow-up, nor does it approach Iverson's repetitive "Talkin' but practice" nonsense, or Hal McRae's phone-throwing tantrum, or Lee Elia's classic "Fuck You" to Cubs fans that may never be matched.

But nothing -- nothing! -- will ever top John Chaney's barging into John Calipari's press conference to shout "I'll keel ya" and "Next time I see you, I'm-a gonna kick yo' ass." Can it ever get better than that? Take a look at this short clip and tell me with a straight face that Denny Green comes near this shit...



That's what I thought. Otherwise, I'll fucking keel you.

Slack Link of the Day: In a strange and unprecedented move, I'm linking to the UEFA Champions League scoreboard as a serious reminder that today at 2:30 ET on ESPN2, the asshats from Chelsea host the defending European champs, FC Barcelona.

Chelsea lost not one but two keepers in their EPL match against Reading this past weekend, so they start a third-stringer named Hilario, which is somewhat hilarious. But this should be the international match of the year so far. I'm predicting 2-1 Chelsea at the Bridge, with goals by Didier Drogba and Awful Frank Lampard.

My Stevie Gerrard-less Liverpool squad takes on Bordeaux today, and hopefully the Reds can walk away with all three points. My message to Buster Bluth lookalike and Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez: Start Peter Crouch today, he's the only striker who can find the net right now, even if he does look like the world's tallest halogen lamp.

Slack Video of the Day: No intro needed: In an ideal world...

Slack Song of the Day: Even though he's everywhere these days, I'm feeling the Robert Randolph vibe this morning...have a little Voodoo Chile, 3 Stroke and The March from the 2002 Mountain Aire Festival.

12 Comments:

At 11:52 AM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

"Put that in your fucking pipe and smoke it!" is timeless. i am so prooooud that that man is the hitting coach of my hometown team these days.

And Lee Elia's meltdown is my favorite of all time. My friends and I e-mail that around to one another at least 18 times every summer.

 
At 1:44 PM, Anonymous ChipotleBob said...

Did u really just neglect to mention "You play to win the game!"...dude, you are slipping.

 
At 1:51 PM, Anonymous bean said...

here's why dennis green actually does top them all, in my humble opinion. in each rant besides green, the quality of the anger, or at least the way it's displayed, suggests a man who feels he is up against a wall, but has not lost all of his inner confidence, his inner fire. but the green one is so DEFLATED. he's angry, but he also just seems so sad, like he has no confidence anymore. it even seems like he's on the verge of weeping. just more defeated, therefore more poignant, in my opinion, which is humble, as i said. btw, i naively switched my blog to beta, which is why i cant post an official, 'logged-in' comment right now. that google; they're full of surprises!

 
At 2:03 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah, Lee Elia is a mastermind. That is just awesome.

Bob, in a weird twist, I personally don't think Herm's tirade belongs in the Hall of Fame either. The soundbyte itself is awesome, but it wasn't a hatred-filled blowup, it was a moron making a moronic statement. Ya dig? I should have included it in this post perhaps, but even this Jets fan thinks it's weak compared to the rest.

Wow, bean, that's a deep and reflective manifesto. You have looked deep down into the soul of Denny Green and emerged with quality thought. I commend you, but I still disagree.

 
At 2:07 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

there are a few clips of Tommy Lasorda blowing up that Stern plays every so often that are as good as anything i have ever heard.

 
At 2:37 PM, Blogger Lozo said...

did my comment get deleted? i said what chipotle said. herm is top 3, easy, in terms of the NFL

 
At 2:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

where are your priorities? magglio hits a walk off home run to win the al pennant and still no love from a supposed baseball fanatic. what gives?

 
At 2:55 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I'll agree to disagree on Herm...I just don't get how that's top three over any of the ones I posted earlier. You play to win the game is funnier than Lee Elia or Calipari/Chaney or AI or any of the Mora clips? Not a fucking chance.

We gave plenty of love to Maggs the other day...didn't we? Check the comments section of every post since it happened.

 
At 4:37 PM, Anonymous okaycantor said...

I also enjoy the rasheed wallace 'both teams played hard, my man' press conference. can't seem to find it anywhere on youtube, but they often refer to it on PTI and it is a classic. it is rasheed's 'we talking about practice' moment...

 
At 5:04 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Nice, Cantor...I'll have to look for that one. I don't even remember that one.

And by the way, if you're scoring at home, my soccer prediction skills are on fiya. Peter Crouch scored the lone goal in a 1-0 Liverpool victory (I'm available to manage, Rafa), and Drogba scored for Chelsea in their 1-0 win at The Bridge versus Barca. Nice day for soccer fans.

 
At 11:09 PM, Anonymous Rashid Muhammad said...

Tommy Lasorda's opinion of Dave Kingman's performance

 
At 4:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My favorites, in order:

1.) Joe Namath's "I wanna kiss you"

1a.) Dennis Green

2.) Michael Strahan going off on a reporter ("You ask a question in the appropriate manner")

3.) Mora's "Playoffs"

Honorable mentions:

Sheed's "Both Teams Played Hard"

Iverson's "Practice"

Charlie Manuel's "Come into my office"

McRae

 

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