Friday, October 13, 2006

Early Halloween Help

It's Friday the 13th, or so everyone seemingly wants me to know this morning. I got it, dudes. But a day like this in October does mean one thing to me, an early chance to discuss classic Halloween costumes.

My favorite costume in recent years required a little bit of work on my part: I spent a few hours cutting out large question marks and velcroing them onto a wacky-colored suit to tranform myself into money man Matthew Lesko. Free! Fitness Celebrity John Basedow wasn't a bad one either, although that costume kinda slipped under most people's radars. Now I'm looking for a good idea this year, and I figured I'd think out loud in case youse want to steal something...

The "Too Soon?" category is filling up fast: The Halloween Gods recently added Cory Lidle with airplane parts to the group that already includes the Crocodile Hunter with a stingray coming out of his chest. And if you want to crash a high-school party, you can always dress up like a congressman with a raging erection in one hand and a computer keyboard in the other, saying OMG LOL UR HOT!!! all night.

If I were black I'd go as Kim Jong Il, because that could be one of the funniest sights of all time. You can't put a price on telling people "I'm Black Kim Jong Il." Another one of my all-time favorite ideas is the devil on vacation: horns, pitchfork, red face, red clothes, with zinc on the nose, board shorts, sandals and a fruity beach drink. I've also been a big fan of Darth Brooks, part-country singer and part-evil Sith Lord. Or Goth Brooks. The most unexpected costume I saw last year that I'd like to see again: Steve Prefontaine. I also hope someone goes as "bird flu" this Halloween.

For the woman out there...Instead of a slutty schoolteacher or skanky nurse, transform yourself into a slutty Terri Schiavo or a skanky Janet Reno this year. Instead of a whored-up librarian, what about a whored-up Kathy Bates? Or, if that whole style's not your thing, you can always go as Jamie Lee Curtis from True Lies, just so when people ask, you can say "C'mon! I'm Jamie Lee Curtis from True Lies!" all night long. That could be pretty fun.

My suggestion for the couples? The obvious one relies on blackface: Condoleezza Rice and Steadman. When people find out who you two are and remark smugly, "Isn't Oprah the one with Steadman?," you can reply, "Whatfuckingever, they all look alike."

I always thought Hall & Oates would make a great costume for a couple. What about peace and quiet (one hippie, one mime)? Angelina Jolie and a little African child? The Google and YouTube merger? Can you dress like a merger? And, hey, there's always Colorado's favorite duo, John Mark Karr and JonBenet Ramsey.

Whatever you do, just remember, you have to wear the costume all night long, so make it count and make it funny.

Unrelated note of randomness: Has there ever been a worse week to be a Yankee fan? First the Bronx Nine stuns its fans with a stunning loss to Le Tigre, then the fan base weeps over the tragic loss of Cory Lidle. But as if those losses weren't enough, a show appropriately titled Lost re-aired actual footage of the last out of the 2004 World Series. Only about 20 million people re-lived the Yankums' rival celebrating their first championship in eight-plus decades on national television. Just pile it on, dicks.

Slack Link of the Day: Here's a late addition to the battle for Best Piece of Journalism Ever: "Canada troops battle 10-foot Afghan marijuana plants." This thing is loaded with goodies, so I don't even need a joke here.

Slack Video of the Day: I wanted to post this clip yesterday, but we went dark on the multimedia front as a result of unintended funereal time constraints. So it's a day late, but certainly not a dollar short.

Move over Merkle, England goalkeeper Paul Robinson made one of the all-time international boners against Croatia on Wednesday during a sad 2-0 loss in Zagreb. Hey Paul, there's a dude on the phone who says his name's Andres Escobar, says he's calling from heaven, or hell, and he says you're lucky you don't live in Medellin. Poor form, ol' chap. (And by the way, the announcers provide a great call on this...)

Slack Song of the Day: A StreamStash mix for this gloriously cold Friday -- Funky Bitch (Son Seals), Heart & Soul (Huey Lewis), Sometimes I Rhyme Slow (Nice & Smooth), Every Time You Go Away (Paul Young), and Rich Girl (Hall & Muthafuckin' Oates, yo).

Slack Plug of the Day: For the stockpickers in the house, check out this new user-friendly and newb-friendly technical analysis site that a friend of mine launched recently. I can't vouch for his grammar and punctuation, but the dude really knows what he talking about. The Chart Guy, get over there and make piles of cash.


At 12:57 PM, Blogger Shaun said...

I have no love for the Spankees.. NONE.. but I have even less love for A-Rod... Please see my blog entry from yesterday regarding this..

On the topic of LOST... I am a fan! According to my better half I am "slightly obsessed." Either way- for as much as I loved the show before- I HEART LOST for the Red Sox bit on Wednesday...

At 1:11 PM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

You seem to be big on the infomercial celebs. Everytime I see that dude with the question marks I think "awesome halloween costume." Why stray from that tradition ace? Go with Ron Popiel or Body by Jake?

I ran cross country in college so everybody and their brother went as Prefontaine. I also swam in college (after I hurt my knee) and similarly, everyone and their brother went as Mark Sptiz (the costume consisted of two items: a speedo and a fake mustache).

The best I ever say was two guys rowing a canoe on wheels down State Street in Madison dressed as those fur traders from Kids in the Hall. Another good one I saw was two guys dressed sort of 80sish carrying around a bunch of cardboard and a boombox. When someone would ask, "are you guys breakdancers?" they would throw the cardboard down push play and break dance very badly. Awesome.

At 1:23 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

That Lost clip killed me...I considered turning it off, and I love that show. I guess that's how much I despised that segment.

I was thinking about Ron Popeil last year...the problem is, I live with two roommates now, and we traditionally host a pretty big party where we dress up together -- so I have to factor that in.

Waaaait a minute, Ron! Set it and forget it...

At 1:58 PM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

The best costume I remember was Chubbs the Caddy from Happy Gilmore.

Black face + Fake hand = gold.

At 2:05 PM, Anonymous J5Alive said...

"Yacht Rock" = hilarious

a costume of anyone from this show is pure gold

At 2:49 PM, Blogger hoobs said...

My roommate and another friend actually did Hall and Oates a couple Halloweens ago. It was a seriously awesome costume, and people loved it.
Sir Smoke-a-lot always seemed like a good costume idea to me. Dr. said I need a backiatomy!

At 2:53 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Just seeing the words "Doctah said I need a backiotomy" brightens my day. I mean, what is funnier than that line? Nothing, I says.

Chubbs! Classic. I would love to do that, and croon "We've only just begunnnnn to livvvvve" all night long.

At 7:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I lived with 2 roommates last year as well (a guy and a girl) (and I am a girl as well)...anyway, we did Three's Company and went all-out. It was hilarious. Either way, it could actually be even funnier with 3 guys.

At 8:54 AM, Anonymous Apple said...

What about Dr. Shakalu from Grandma's Boy? For those of you who haven't seen that movie, you should be ashamed. "My Beef STRONG!"

At 2:38 PM, Blogger NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Some great ideas there. I think another good one would be Terrel Owens wearing a football jersey and a prescription pill case around him like a barrel. Black people get all the good costumes . . .


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