Monday, October 30, 2006

A Short List of Nixed Costumes

We're throwing our annual Halloween party on the pagan holiday itself, mainly to take full advantage of our apartment's proximity to the bonafide freak-show parade that highlights the evening's municipal festivities. It fortuitously also gives my roommates and I another day to frantically scramble for a costume for our puzzled troika.

It's hard to dress up in threes. It severely limits individual creativity and requires all of us to sign off on the same idea. Last year's decision to regulate the party as referees worked incredibly well on every level, but that was more a result of exceptional improvisational tomfoolery on our part. If my past costumes of freemoneyman Matthew Lesko and fitness celebrity John Basedow weren't indicative enough, I like to get a little more out there than the zebras.

And we've got nuthin' right now. Bupkus. Zilch. Right now we're not even going to our own party. I know this constitutes yet another fuckin' post about Halloween costumes, but here is a brief list of ideas we've thumbed down thus far:

1. The Clitoris: This means that we really wouldn't show up to our own party, but we'd hire one of our friends to say "Oh, those guys're here somewhere" every time a guest inquires as to our whereabouts. Finally we'd emerge as shy, bulbous pink objects around midnight and respond to every query, "What, you having trouble finding us? We were here the whole time, newb. Get a clue." Obviously, there are more flaws here than anything else.

2. The Too Lates: Anyone that's spent some time around here knows we live by the "Too Soon?" School of Comedy. But all too often we forget about the rugged comedic potential of the "Too late?" gag.

Case in point, how about if we went as Jeff Gillooly, Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan and acted like the costumes were hilariously current? What if we dressed as a priest and two avid churchgoers with oversized placards and cups of water, parading around the party as pro-life Terri Schiavo protestors? Elian Gonzalez, Janet Reno and an Army sniper in full regalia? Sid Bream, Francisco Cabrera and Jane Fonda? Alex P. Keaton, Mallory and Skippy? Jason Bateman and the two yutz brohters from Hogan's Family? There's gotta be something funny here, we just haven't found it yet.

3. Snakes on Cory Lidle's Plane: Who doesn't love to combine two disparate themes? This one's perfect, it's got the timeliness and repulsiveness of taking advantage of Lidle's accident and the biggest pop culture reference of the year. I think we need to re-visit this one.

So obviously we're still scrambling...anyone see some classic costumes this weekend we can steal and adapt? Any good ones otherwise?

Slack Link of the Day: On the heels of Natron's homemade Osamalantern pumpkin carving (later re-named Osama bin Lantern by an apt commenter), have a look at some more pumpkin creations.

Slack Band Name of the Day: Snip Snip & The Angry Moyels.

Slack Video of the Day: Ever wanna hear a college football announcer randomly input a "That's kinda gay" into his pass-catching analysis during a live game? Well, now you can scratch that off your list. Thanks, Brian Kinchen.

Slack Viewer-Submitted Video of the Day: Derek L. sent this clip over here late last week, David Bowie's hysterical cameo on the short-lived Ricky Gervais show, Extras. Pathetic little fat man...

Slack Song of the Day: I forced a friend to watch Stop Making Sense this weekend, so I've got Talking Heads on the brain. Off More Songs About Buildings and Food, here's The Girls Want To Be With The Girls, Found a Job, and With Our Love.

18 Comments:

At 11:10 AM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

I saw a pretty funny one. A group of guys all went as Clinton Portis in his different cosutmes -->

http://clintonportis.com/characters.html

All of his characters are pretty good costumes and you just have to add a Portis Jersey and blackface. They all had the sayings that go with each one down too.

 
At 11:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about being John Mark Karr? He's creepy.

 
At 12:09 PM, Blogger MDS said...

Yeah, I like anonymous's idea, one guy be Karr, one be JonBenet, one be Patsy. Extra points if the one who's Patsy figures out a subtle way to make clear with the costume that she really did it.

 
At 12:13 PM, Blogger Lozo said...

i know a couple who went out as the husband and wife on king of queens. that's the best i got.

and i thought for sure you'd mention how your jets got severely fucked at the end of that game.

 
At 12:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could go as A-Rod. Make some "choke marks" around yer neck and put a hole in yer glove. Put tons of cash in yer pockets. Maybe have someone else be Giambi, and follow you around yelling at you.

 
At 12:25 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

The Portis characters are a great idea...I've been a big fan of those guys, but I think that's even a little too obscure for my liking.

I was going to mention the Jets, but I am hoping the karma gods will reward them down the road with something better if I don't bitch and kvetch. I mean, that was CLEARLY a blown call, even if it's not reviewable, and the Jets CLEARLY should have tied that game. But I'm trying to think more rationally about sports lately, and if you asked me before the season started if I'd take a 4-4 record at the halfway point, I'd be fucking ecstatic. And that's where we are; and now we've got a tough luck loss against the Colts and this piece of shit against the Browns, so maybe we're a game out heading into the last game and get a big call to make the playoffs. Maybe. Who knows?

There, I've said it.

 
At 12:58 PM, Anonymous mitch said...

Put a chair on your head and go as used gum.

 
At 1:20 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

My brother went to a Halloween party this past weekend. He wore a white t-shirt with the words "Goooooooo ceiling!" on it. Nobody got the joke. He was a ceiling fan.

I also had a friend glue a bunch of yellow rubber ducks all over himself and go as a chick magnet.

I wish I was 7 again, so it would be okay for me to go as Luke Skywalker in his X_Wing fighter outfit.

 
At 1:29 PM, Blogger Chilly Jackwater said...

Southeast Jerome? Obscure? No, "obscure" is going as The Hooters or McGeorge Bundy, special assistant for national security affairs during the Cuban Missile Criss. THAT'S obscure.

 
At 1:40 PM, Blogger Lozo said...

way to not talk bitch about it and ruin the karma. i'll see you in the super bowl.

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger bean said...

tom foley and his pages. whoomp there it is.

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

Dude, I told you: Cream. They're the greatest rock trio of all time (well, this side of Green Day). You can't lose.

 
At 2:17 PM, Blogger Trix said...

Just got back from Fantasy Fest...saw a group dressed as Steve Irwin, his camera crew and a stingray. That's just SO wrong.

 
At 2:26 PM, Blogger Mr. Underhill said...

Hire a midget (or even better, cut off your legs) and throw on a Jerome Bettis jersey and bam, you're a short bus.

I saw a great costume at a party on Saturday - Bill Parcells. Dude put balloons under his shirt to give him the trademark Parcells bitchtits.

Also, totally random story. My brother - Lil' Underhill, a U of Maryland senior - walked into a Wawa yesterday and heard someone yelling about "free money." Turns out, Matthew Lesko was shooting his new informercial there. Sadly for us all, my brother was too wasted to explain, or come up with any reasonable explanation, why he would've been filming in a College Park Wawa.

 
At 2:56 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I ran into your brother this summer at the Randall's Island thing, and I totally believe that he was too wasted to explain.

FYI, "short bus" might be the best costume idea I've heard this year.

 
At 3:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not sure if anyone caught the most recent South Park, but they did a Three Stooges thing with Jeffrey Dahmer, John Wayne Gacey and Ted Bundy. All they did was kill people in a three stooges kind of manner. That could be funny.

 
At 4:16 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

yes, following the south park theme last week, u could go as hitler as the can u hear me now guy.

 
At 12:46 AM, Anonymous Carter said...

was going to mention the Jets, but I am hoping the karma gods will reward them down the road with something better

 

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