Monday, October 23, 2006

Those Guys

We were clearly Those Guys this weekend. You know, those guys that show up in a small group at their old fraternity house during their five-year reunion and talk about how they "totally used to live right here" and how they "always got really fucked up, man."

Oh yeah, we really were those guys this weekend. I used to hate those guys. My my, how things have changed.

One day in March or April, on a night when the weather is turning the corner towards acceptably warm, these kids will be sitting around playing Beirut or hitting a hookah, and one of them will groggily turn to another and say, "You dudes remember when those fucking losers came by on homecoming and asked us about party themes we've never heard of and strange customs we've never done? Ha, what a bunch of dorks. Whatever, come here and let me fondle your balls in a totally heterosexual way, brah."

But the kids are allright...they got us high and seemed friendly enough that we barged through their doors on a Friday afternoon. Only, about a half-hour after we arrived, two of them made those "I have a little work I need to take care of, so..." maneuvers. I know that maneuver well, having performed it on numerous occasions, and considering it was the Friday afternoon of homecoming weekend, we took the hint and soon departed. Those guys.

Following a shitshow of a bar night on Friday in downtown Chicago, we woke up for the football tailgate before 9 am and tried to rid ourselves of a collective wicked hangover. Six-foot bong hits may have done the trick, but we're supposed to be civilized now, five years out of college and all. We went into the game and sat in complete amazement at how awesome our alma mater was playing: We were annihilating Michigan State, on homecoming weekend.

When Joel Howells missed a chip shot field goal just before halftime, I suggested to everyone that we make a move back to our host's apartment. We'd taken a healthy 24-3 lead and the skies looked somewhat gray. So here was my reasoning: "Guys, it's either gonna start raining in the next 15 minutes or we're gonna blow this 24-3 lead and have to sit here watching it unfold. Let's go back to the apartment and order a huge pizza, we've already seen all we need to see. Let's go out on top, nothing to gain, a whole lot to lose."

How prophetic I turned out to be. The rain held off and the sun came out, but we allowed MSU to pull off the biggest comeback victory in history of Division 1-A football. Leading 38-3 by the time we got home and ordered that Chicago-style pizza, Northwestern proceeded to give up 38 points in the final 25 minutes of the game, losing on a last-minute field goal. Seriously, let me repeat that in layman's terms: We suck balls, and we knew this would happen.

That loss was just the beginning of my horrid sports weekend. Not only did my school give up a 35-point lead in the second half, but Matt Bryant kicked a 62-yard field goal through the uprights at the last second to knock me out of my huge-money suicide pool, a fairly aptly named pool right about now. Don't worry, though, I have another pick. Oh no, that's right, Houston's murdering of Jacksonville assured that I'd not pick again this calendar year.

What a horrendous weekend of sporting for me. I can only praise Jebus for my fantasy football juggernaut righting the ship and for the surprising 4-3, whoever thought I'd be saying that this season?

Slack Link of the Day: Yes, this is the type of society in which we should all live and play: "See a smoker in Omaha? Dial 9-1-1." That's right, if someone is smoking a cigarette in public in Omaha, you're supposed to call the police, and not just the police, but emergency response. Seems totally logical. Also, check out the picture and caption they use for the article; talk about a journalistic non-sequitor.

Slack Video of the Day: And just when you thought politics could never be funny again, here's the President of These United States telling former Beltway sexual icon George Snuffleupagus that they've "never been stay the course" in Iraq. That's rich.

Okay, so nobody cares about politics. Well then, I guess you can watch this awesome video of the Indian Thriller instead, courtesy of Slack reader Eric @ MSU.

Slack Song of the Day: I watched most of the always incredible Stop Making Sense concert film on Saturday for what seems like the 1,000th time, and it continues to blow me away. Both musically and aesthetically, it doesn't get all that much better than this thing. In honor of this weekend's viewing, here's Talking Heads with Crosseyed and Painless, Thank You For Sending Me an Angel, and Life During Wartime from Jonathan Demme's 1984 masterpiece.


At 12:24 PM, Blogger Momentary Academic said...

Wait a minute, you weren't around my neck of the woods, were you now?

At 12:32 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I thought you were in DC...

At 4:02 PM, Blogger Lisa Slivka said...

I hope you enjoyed your visit to campus and my new dorm/cafe. Enjoy Doritos!

At 2:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, I am one of "those guys." Glad you told me about your blog.

- Sharts

At 3:58 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Sharts! Welcome to the machine. Sadly, we're all Those Guys now.


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