Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Wild Foosball Notes

Many sardonic thanks to Neil (and Bob) Rackers and the rest of the fancypants Arizona Quitters for blowing a 20-0 lead at home without allowing an offensive touchdown from that Jew-sounding quarterback and the rest of the inept Bears.

The Cards almost managed to knock out 102 people of the remaining 456 from my huge-ducats suicide pool, but then they decided to blow goats (I have proof) and grant the dead men walking a lucky reprieve. I hope Denny Green falls down in the shower and hits his misshaped skull on the side of the tub. Fucking amateurs.

Arizona's hopes for a win were dashed late when former Miami Hurricane Devin Hester gangbanged his way more than 80 yards down field for a huge punt return to put the Bears on top for good. Hester's old collegiate associates at The U aren't celebrating their own 35-0 weekend victory, having brawled with Florida International on Saturday and bringing shame on both their houses.

My favorite part of the Miami Melee story is that former Hurricane and current Comcast color(ed) commentator Lamar Thomas got fired for his downright thuggish remarks on television during the fight. Thomas screams, "You come into our house, you should get your behind kicked. You don't come into the OB playing that stuff. You're across the ocean over there. You're across the city. You can't come over to our place talking noise like that. You'll get your butt beat. I was about to go down the elevator to get in that thing."

But Thomas didn't stop there. He continues: "I say, why don't they just meet outside in the tunnel after the ball game and get it on some more? You don't come into the OB, baby...We've had a down couple years but you don't come in here talking smack. Not in our house." Not in our house is exactly where you'll be for the next home game.

That's still not my favorite part of the story, though. I really love it how the Comcast general manager that had to fire Lamar Thomas for such gangsta commentating was none other than Mark Fuhrman. No, not that fuckface Mark Fuhrman, but the unfortunate name struck a chord of hilarity with me when I read the story. Maybe he planted those foolish comments in Thomas' brain waves.

I doubt it, however, considering Thomas' sordid history. My esteemed colleague Jake Zebra pointed me to this Deadspin post that cites an extensive rap sheet for the former Hurricane and Miami Dolphin. As Zeebs put it so eloquently in the parlance of The Simpsons, "Allegedly, one of the times that he was arrested for assault and battery on his pregnant fiancee was during a July 4th barbecue. BBBQ, what's the extra B for? BYOBB. What's that extra B for? Battery."

Either way, what'dya mean there ain't no brawl?

Slack Link of the Day: Peace love dope! For those of you familiar with the indie-ish band Two Gallants, check out this written and visual recap from the duo's show in Houston on Friday. Jambase has a full account of the Gestapo Houston Police-infused shennanigans.

(If you want a real kick out of this story, check out the Houston Chronicle version, in which the police department is quoted as praising the officer for not shooting up the place.)

Slack Video of the Day: This one really is a must see: "Stephen Wiltshire is a human camera. He’s an autistic man who accurately draws entire cities from memory after a single 45-minute helicopter ride — right down to the correct number of windows in each building." Gotta watch Wapner. Yeah, Wapner.

Slack Song of the Day: I don't know why, but I've got a strange hankering for Les Claypool and his Flying Frog Brigade playing Thela Hun Ginjeet. And now, here it is.


At 11:24 AM, Blogger Boski93 said...

Stay classy Lamar.

At 11:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is it that you do for a living?

At 11:54 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I'm the #2 color commentator for Comcast in line for the Miami job. Hence the hatchet job here, which is a thinly veiled attempt for me to move up into the #1 position.

Why do you ask?

At 12:07 PM, Blogger Lozo said...

only 13 of 320 had the bears in my pool. your pool sounds like it's full of idiots. i want in next year.

At 2:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wondering... you know a whole lot of random crap.

At 3:29 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Random crap is what we do best around here...but in the real world, it amounts to just about nothing. Well, that's not true, Seinfeld and Larry David are worth a few shekels.

Lozo, not sure what that means, exactly -- the 5-0 Bears had dominated every team they've played, including the defending NFC champs. I didn't take them because I kinda saw the trap game ahead, but how are these people "idiots" exactly? As far as KO pools go, the Bears weren't a bad pick by any means.

But if you want in next year, that can be arranged. Two hundy to enter, winner takes home more than six figures in cash. No yoke.

At 4:58 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

I scored in upset in my fantasy league thanks to the positively Ladanian Tomlinsonian performance of the Bear defense. Of course, I'm a Packer fan, and so it wasn't worth it.

At 12:22 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

Um, yeah - Lozo, anytime you want in on one of my pools, just let me know. Those Bears stink


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