You're Killin' Me, Smalls
You guys are serious dicks. Allow me to explain a moment: Every single morning in which I've slept in my own bed for the last five-plus years, I've been woken from glorious slumber by the studio rendition of Steven Wonder's Superstition.
It's the first song on a disc that Hoobs created some time in the 1997-98 academic year, and it's been stuck in my CD alarm clock since I graduated college. Every morning, like clockwork -- hey, so that's where that expression comes from -- the familiar introductory drumbeat appears out of nowhere and I pop right out of bed to press the snooze button. Three Superstition intros later, I'm in the shower.
So now this fucking denim-pusher thinks it can just use this awesome song in its latest commercial with no repurcussions to the general public. But I'll tell you what gets screwed by this: my sleep cycle.
Twice now, when I've been half-asleep, drifting off into nighttime affairs well after midnight, the television program I use to pacify me as white noise went to commercial, and what should come on in its stead? The mersh for Levi's Fucking Coolpants, featuring the familiar introductory drumbeat of Superstition on full blast.
And like some poor Pavlovian schmuck trained to rise from the depths of dreamhood when this song begins, I've hopped right out of nigh-repose, out of bed, making a quick a move towards the snooze button. Then I realize it's only a drill, and I pray to all that is holy I can get back to sleep as fast as possible. Both times, it's taken a solid half-hour to return to my state of near-dormancy.
Levi's®, you bastards, pick another song. I suggest "Wiggle It" by 2 In a Room or Wall of Voodoo's "Mexican Radio."
Slack Google Searches of the Day (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Random Search Engine Referrals): Jeannie Zelasko boobs pictures, people suck in law school, grandmama fuking, spongebob leatherpants, Geico commercial about Virginia Ham, "the finger thing means taxes", Cade McNown pregnant, Steve Lyons pulls down pants umpire, dog mushrooms, and my new favorite: "What do Jim Nantz, Dan Rather, Star Jones and Kenny Rogers share?" For real, though, I'd love to know the answer to that last query.
Slack Link of the Day: Believe it or not, the balance of the article with this lede -- "A school principal has resigned and could face felony firearm charges after he shot and killed two orphaned kittens on school property last month" -- actually makes his defense sound fairly plausible. Besides, fuck everything that's not human. I do.
Slack Video of the Day: This weekend we witnessed the greatest brawl in college football history since the Texas State Armadillos fought the #1 Texas Colts. Who else, but The U would throw down so mightily? Say goodnight, Coach Coker, your boys just signed your very own death warrant.
Slack Song of the Day: From the You Learn Something New Every Day Files, Johnny C. informed me the other night that Randy Newman is the author and original performer of Three Dog Night's Mama Told Me Not To Come. How is it possible I never knew that? How is it possible I've never heard his version? Where were you on that one, dipshits?