Thursday, November 09, 2006

Cinema

So I saw Borat last night. I won't spoil anything, but I will say it far suprassed even my heaviest expectations for classicness. It's tough to call this a "great movie" for obvious reasons; still, it was probably the most entertaining series of vignettes you'll ever watch.

But more than that, I'm actually quite relieved I saw it in the theater. I'm the type of guy that will miss a movie on opening weekend, then miss it the next weekend, and before you know it, I won't see it at all. Then because everyone's already seen it, and because they're all fawning over how much they love it, I won't catch it at all, not even on television or DVD or Betamax, mostly out of spite. That's how I roll.

And that's the story of how I've never seen the movie Braveheart. Did you just gasp audibly? I bet some of you just turned to your loved ones and said, "Holy fuck, I thought this kid was somewhat decent, but now I think he's a fucking turd licker. He licks turds!"

It's true (well, not about the turds), I've never seen Braveheart, and I have no desire to do so at this point. Show of hands, how many of youse think a little differently of me than before you read this post? It's crazy, but information like that has caused all sorts of people to kick me in the junk, burn my mother with a menthol cigarette and call me a "purse-toting, cock-loving Mary."

So I'm glad I caught Borat, a truly awesome moviegoing experience from popcorn to credits. It's-a niiiice. That was an easy ending.

Slack Anniversary of the Day: I can't believe it's been eight years since the last time I tripped my balls off on the magic mushrooms...

Slack Song of the Day: That trip took place at the UIC Pavillion on 11/9/98, one of the more underrated shows I ever saw. Frankenstein > Freebird (a capella) encore? You gotta be shitting me. Stream it.

28 Comments:

At 11:44 AM, Blogger brickmyers said...

I also saw the Borat movie. I felt it was grossly overrated. Borat is much funnier on the Da Ali G show than in the movie. Also, you do not need to see Braveheart, it is also an overrated piece of garbage. However, Melvin Gibson is a jew-hating warrior, as Borat puts it.

 
At 11:51 AM, Blogger SuperDee said...

I will stream it, thank you very much :)

 
At 12:12 PM, Blogger dhodge said...

You ain't alone, Ace. Pardon my thread jack, but I'd like to hear some other people weigh in on their most embarrassing cinematic oversights. I've gotten enough chiding for never having seen "Schindler's List" that I now only admit to my mistake behind the pseudo-anonymity of the blogosphere.

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger Andy said...

Can't wait to see the movie.

I didn't really think Braveheart was great. Those epic movies get to me. Gladiator is another movie that once was enough. I've never seen Titanic for the same reason you haven't seen BH.

By the way, the next album to have before everyone else does:

http://myspace.com/jamesmorrisonmusic

Good stuff.

 
At 12:19 PM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

I can forgive you for never seeing Braveheart (fuck the Scottish) as long as you've seen Gladiator, youre cool. They're the same movie anyway.

(I've never seen Schindler's List, either. My synopis of it: Blah blah Jews blah blah blah.)

 
At 12:25 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Listen, goyim, I've never seen Schindler's List, and I *am* Jewish. A terrible Jew, but a Jew nonetheless. Big nose, huge nose, no List.

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger Claven said...

Dances With Wolves go the best picture Oscar over Goodfellas. Nothing more to say on the subject.

 
At 12:42 PM, Blogger Lozo said...

blogger beta is killing me.

to me, that moment in the elevator after the fight was the funniest.

and see braveheart. christ.

 
At 12:55 PM, Blogger Sisto said...

Turd licker

 
At 1:44 PM, Blogger Chilly Jackwater said...

I never got through all of Tango & Cash.

 
At 2:31 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

I've never seen any of the Godfather movies. True story. I did see Borat, and cried I was laughing so hard.

 
At 2:43 PM, Anonymous HANDSTAND said...

Every man dies. Not every man really lives (Slade).

And d'brickashawmyers, if Braveheart and Borat are overrated pieces of garbage, what to you is a great movie?

I am baffled.

 
At 2:48 PM, Blogger brickmyers said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 2:58 PM, Blogger brickmyers said...

deleted my post by accident. borat's bits on da ali g show are much funnier than the ones in the movie. the movie was disappointing because it had a crappy plotline revolving around pam anderson, which i found annoying. i love the borat character, just not in this film. godfather and dr. strangelove are masterpiecs. braveheart sux, re-watch it if you don't believe me.

 
At 3:04 PM, Blogger coach said...

the list of movies i have never seen consistently amazes and astounds people. we can start it with animal house.

 
At 3:13 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Animal House?! Coach, say it ain't so, my man. Wait, that's the one with Barbra Streisand and Nick Nolte, right?

 
At 3:31 PM, Blogger Sisto said...

I haven't seen The Godfather, which consistantly leaves people speechless. I could elicit a similiar response by telling them I eat puppies. This is compounded by the fact that I own it, but it's on VHS and who watches VHS these days? That's soooo 2001.

 
At 3:40 PM, Blogger Phiul said...

I never saw Braveheart either. And I also have no desire. And not because of that jew-hater. Just because that shit looks boring.

 
At 3:53 PM, Anonymous HANDSTAND said...

I love Braveheart. I could watch it every day. How do you beat a storyline that involves a Scotsman avenging his wife's execution by leading his entire country to freedom? I get fired up just typing it! But to each their own.

Ace, I'd love to tell you we're going to sit down and watch it sometime, but I get the impression that doesn't stand a chance of happening.

 
At 4:03 PM, Anonymous Jen said...

Much to the horror of most people I know, I have never seen any of the Star Wars movies. Since I used to work at a company where there were a lot of Star Wars groupies, I would drop that fact when I was trying to make a room lapse into awkward silence.

 
At 4:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jen - You haven't seen Star Wars because you're a girl. Everyone knows that if a girl watches Star Wars, her eyes will set on fire. Now what are you doing out of the kitchen and on the computer?

 
At 4:57 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

I've never seen Animal House or any of The Godfather movies. I watched Scarface for the first time three weeks ago. Haven't seen Gladiator, either.

Have seen Braveheart and love it.

 
At 5:26 PM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

I've never seen Caddyshack. For some reason, people always ask me if I have. Hmmm...

 
At 7:14 PM, Blogger NewmRadio said...

That's awesome, I don't feel so alone now in not ever seeing Braveheart, nor having the desire to do so now. Thanks Ace, you're a regular Dr. Phil (and by that, I mean you're bald and have a moustache... does Dr. Phil have sideburns??). I saw Borat the night it came out... which I never do... and loved it. I didn't see Slingblade till a couple months ago... that's another one people couldn't fathom. I really liked it though. I feel like it probably has aged better than Braveheart. I saw Schindler's List in the theater when it came out, long before I became a Jew. Now that I am one, I notice that a lot of people really do hate Jews... perhaps threatened by them because they're a successful minority in this country and they, generally-speaking, can laugh at themselves. I've gone on too long. Forgive me. Maybe I do need a doctor. Oy.

 
At 11:55 PM, Blogger The Bourbon Samurai said...

They fought like warrior poets! WARRIOR-POETS!

 
At 2:29 PM, Blogger coach said...

yep ace, animal house. here's a few others for you: never seen braveheart, never seen a single james bond movie.

 
At 9:08 AM, Blogger coach said...

am i still naming movies i've never seen? because we can add dumb and dumber to that list.

 
At 5:29 PM, Anonymous loren said...

Saw Borat on opening night. Good stuff.

I've never seen Braveheart, and am not above avoiding movies that everyone else likes, as you mention.

I've never seen any of the Star Wars movies, either, and I am male. (Bring on the "pick up your skirt and go home" jokes..)

 

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