Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Gerald Ford: He Was Delicious

Before we go any further with a real post, I must note that today is the day for which Dana Carvey and Tom Brokaw fans have been waiting for years -- this could be Hale-Bopp comet kind of shit.

It's been more than a decade since the wickedly hilarious SNL skit in question, but I've been walking around saying "Gerald Ford shot dead today, at the senseless age of 83" for the last few hours, and I doubt it'll stop any time soon. We mourn the loss of a great man today, but we also welcome the comic relief today brings.

Now let's focus on a strangely related happenstance: The girl who works for me is out this week, which makes me my own research assistant again. Worse, this ensures that my alarm clock goes off at 5:50 am every weekday morning until her return. Her My job in the morning is to get up and check the news, and if any big business stories break, I've got some more work to do.

If nothing happens overnight, I slime my way back into bed and return to my gentle slumber moments later. This morning I woke up at 5:50, checked the news, noticed the former president had died and returned to sleep. Ford's death was big news, but not news that affected my day. Back to bed, I went. But I must've pissed off the former president's ghost by not paying the story much mind.

Since I'm back in the office for a one-day engagement, my alarm clock woke me up again at 8, when I hopped out of bed, stripped down to my nothingness and made for the shower. In a bit of an early-morning funk, I stumbled Mr. Magoo-style towards the bathroom with eyes wide shut and a lose grip on my towel. And maybe it was the thought of the famously clumsy former President Ford's death stuck in my head, but I was about to hit the ground hard.

My bathroom's in my kitchen, believe it or not, and to get there you've got to traverse a very small step up in between the foyer and the kitchen. This morning for the first time ever, in true Gerald fashion, I failed to negotiate that step, stubbing my left pinky toe hard into the bump, throwing my weight forward in a bad way. I felt the pain stinging and the inevitable fall coming, so I tried to brace myself by grabbing the counter on my right. Only I did poorly there, too, and I missed the counter altogether, expediting my fall.

The racket was thunderous, and within milliseconds I was down on the cold hard floor. My towel came off in the process, and there I lay exposed on the ground -- on the kitchen floor no less -- feeling serious pain in my left foot and both wrists. My pride hurt. My head even hit something on the way down, though I'm not altogether sure what it possibly could have struck. I could only laugh at my situation once I realized I wasn't hurt, and I must say, even when you're by yourself, there's nothing quite as embarrassing as falling down and becoming an injured naked mess sprawled on the kitchen floor at 8 am.

It wasn't a pretty morning, but hey, at least it got me to post today. Gerald Ford + bad rep for clumsiness + Naked Ace = Good Times.

Slack Link of the Day: "A Roman Catholic priest tackled a teenage boy he found rummaging through the church rectory" in Indianapolis yesterday. I just found this story interesting because the priests are usually getting on top of teenage boys and rummaging through their rectories. Turnabout is fair play apparently.

Slack HT Plug of the Day: Check out the latest in our year-end review series over on the music blog: 2006 Superlatives, A Retrospective.

Slack Song and Video of the Day: Since I haven't posted anything here in five days, we've failed to properly honor the memory of James Brown. When I'm having a bad day, all I have to do is throw on Get Up Offa That Thing and I'm back to literally dancing like an idiot on the subway or the street. Sure, women everywhere are rejoicing at the prospect of less backhanded slaps, but people all the world over are saddened by the loss of a great musician.

So let's get a little multimedia up in this piece: Just a quick search on YouTube can bring the greatness back to life -- some old school sex machinin’, some gettin’ up offa that thing, some feelin’ good and a touch of superbadness. YouTube can also bring back the hijinx and hilarity: the TV interview that confused the world. And if you’re feeling like today would be a fantastic day to stream some JB, check out The Godfather & The Dreamer, a solid collection of 27 tracks from 1966-68 that’ll remind you why he’s the greatest. (from SugarMegs)

Good Gawd, JB, we hate to see you go. Slap up the Lord for us.


At 1:13 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

"My head even hit something on the way down, though I'm not altogether sure what it possibly could have struck..."

Was it Moosecock?

At 2:11 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Damn. Given my predilection for it and the general omnipresence of the substance, maybe it was Moosecock.

At 3:42 PM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

Ace, what is this "Hidden Track" that you linked to?

At 4:14 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Well, um, the Cardinals got lucky, dick.

At 12:43 PM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

So does this girl that "works for you" write your blog for you too? What the heck?


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